


FREE ME

by scots_rock



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Love - Freeform, Boys' Love, BoyxBoy, Drama, F/M, M/M, Prostitution, Romance, boyslove
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7041724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scots_rock/pseuds/scots_rock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon leaves California and his best friend Jonah behind to chase his dreams of becoming an Olympic swimmer. He comes back for spring break after his first semester. He wants to find Jonah again. But his friend is nowhere to be found...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Stargazing.

“Dude, this is dangerous.”

 

“Oh, don't be such a wuss. Come on, it's safe. I'm out here all the time.”

 

Simon climbs through the window of Jonah's room and joins his best friend on the small roof part right in front of it. Jonah is already laying out a blanket for them and is getting comfortable.

 

“Woah… That is quite… high.”, Simon stutters, trying not to look down but looking down nevertheless.

  
“Didn't know you were scared of heights…”, Jonah remarks, a bit impatient now.

 

“I am most certainly not!”, Simon exclaims, his knees all wobbly and shaky as he makes his way toward Jonah. Finally, he reaches him and slumps down next to him.

 

Jonah stares at him and slow claps.

 

“Well done. Really.”, he says, not sounding the least bit impressed.

 

“The sarcasm is strong in this one.”, Simon responds and punches him playfully in the arm.

 

Jonah falls back dramatically, groaning in fake-pain and pretending to be dead.

 

“Why, Simon, why? What have I done to deserve such abuse?”

 

Simon just chuckles and leans back, propping himself up on his hands, staring up to the night sky.

 

“Wow. Not a single cloud. Look, Jonah!”

 

Simon grabs Jonah's arm and pulls him into a sitting position again.

 

“This is amazing.”, he says in awe, throwing his head back to get rid of some strains of hair disturbing his vision.

 

Jonah gulps hard at that. He pulls his knees to his chest, wraps his arms around them and tries to focus on the stars.

 

“That's what I wanted you to see.”, he says quietly, not sure if Simon has heard him.

 

They both fall silent and keep on stargazing. This could be the last time they spend alone together.

 

“When's the big day?”, Jonah asks. He already knows the answer, but he still can't believe it. So, he has to ask it over and over again, making sure that this isn't just a nightmare he needs to wake up from.

 

“This weekend.”, Simon answers. He has answered Jonah's questions a few times already, but he doesn't get angry or annoyed. It's not like Jonah has forgotten. It's the fact that it is actually happening. And that is all kinds of wrong.

 

Jonah sighs deeply. So a few days. A few days left to spend with Simon. This is just sad, and depressing. He needs to change the topic quickly. Lighter mood. Go!

 

“So, do you know what you wanna do after high school?”, he asks, in the end. This is such a cliche question, and they have talked about this so many times already. Neither of them knows what they are going to do after graduation. But school talk is better than his-best-friend-moving-away-to-another-state talk.

 

“I'm gonna go to college.”, Simon answers, making Jonah jump slightly. He hasn't expected this answer.

 

“Really? And then?”

 

“Well, first I'm gonna join the swimming team of my college, train hard, become the best swimmer there is, take part in tournaments, and hopefully get scouted. And then I'm gonna be an Olympics swimmer.”

 

It's like a long, withheld dream that just blurts out of him. A confession. This is his plan no one knows about. Even Jonah doesn't know about this. Well, he does now. It seems like there is nothing holding Simon back, like he has nothing to lose by telling Jonah everything now. He is moving away. And he is on his way to fulfilling is dream.

 

“Wow. I didn't know. You never mentioned that you wanted to become a pro swimmer.”, Jonah answers, not knowing what else to say. “I just… I just thought you liked water.”

 

“I do. It is the best feeling in the world, when I'm in the water, swimming. The water surrounding me, keeping me safe, but at the same time attacking me. I have to fight it, to tame it. To become one with it. And then I'm… Then I feel free.”

 

Simon looks over at Jonah, who is staring at the sky but is not really here at all. His mind has drifted off, Simon can tell.

  
“What about you?”, he asks to divert the attention from himself to Jonah. “Any plans for the future?”

 

“Well, let's see…”, Jonah begins and stays silent for a moment thinking. Should he be sarcastic? Or should he just lie? Or should he tell Simon the truth? “I'm not sure. Maybe something with drawing. Maybe college, too. I don't know. My grades kinda suck, and I don't think my parents can afford paying for some high-class fancy arts college. Let alone let me apply to one.” The truth it is.

 

“Oh… I see.”

 

An awkward silence settles between them. Neither of them not knowing what to say or tell. This is a first. Usually, they talk and laugh for hours. Jonah loves Simon's voice and smiles. He could listen to him rambling all night long. But today is different.

 

“You wanna go back inside again?”, Jonah suddenly asks. “It's getting kinda cold. Don't want you to freeze to death. The world would be missing one hell of a swimmer.”

 

Simon snickers, then shakes his head.

 

“No, I'm fine.”

 

Well, this is going great so far. The sarcasm is also strong in him right now. Actually, this is horrible. He knew Jonah would be sad when he told him that he was leaving, moving away to go to a very expensive and popular boarding school. However, Jonah is killing him right now with his sad puppy dog eyes and that sad, fake, forced smile of his. He needs to do something. He needs to lighten the mood quickly, before it starts falling apart. Which it kinda is already. This is not how he has imagined their last time together. Suddenly he remembers something, rummages around in his backpack he has brought along and pulls out his Gameboy.

 

“Ready for a Pokemon battle?”

 

Jonah's face lights up instantly. There it is again. That cheeky smile, that fire in Simon's eyes. Maybe this night won't be that different and depressing after all. Maybe this will be a night just like any other. A night to remember. A night they will look back at later and say “This is when it all started.”, since Jonah is certain they will see each other again.

 

Simon will come to visit him, of course, more than once a year hopefully. Not just for Christmas, but for summer break. And Thanksgiving. And Halloween. And Easter. And for the fireworks on the 4th of July. And when Simon will get into college, they will continue their meet-ups throughout the year, since there is also like winter break and spring break and Easter break and summer break, which stretches out over quite a few months. They will have the whole summer to themselves. Just the two of them. And Jonah will pick him up at the airport after work (he is positive he will have some sort of job). And it will be like old times. He's not even sure right now why he is worrying so much about Simon moving away.

 

After all, everything is going to be fine. Right?


	2. Chapter 1 - Ready! Set! Go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Simon is leaving for spring break.

_Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. Forget everything around you. There are no people. There are no competitors. There is only you and the cool blue liquid heaven right in front of you. Close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. Feel to the soft warm breeze brushing against your skin._

"Take your mark!"

 

Simon steps onto the small starting block, his toes clinging to the rim of it. He adjusts his goggles, making sure he has clear vision.

 

"Set!"

 

He bends down, fingers hovering over his toe, eyes fixed on an invisible point deep down in the water.

 

_Breathe in. Breathe out._

 

"Go!"

 

He jumps off forcefully, diving into the water at a perfect angle. He comes back up and then he feels nothing but his own heartbeat. He is breaking through the waves, arms moving fast, splashing beads over water everywhere, taking a breath, then his head is back under water, breathing out. Focus. Speed. Movement. Breathing. Tension. He sees the end of the pool, he is almost there. Right before he is about to hit the wall he dives back in the water, making a u-turn and speeding back to the finish line. He doesn't bother looking left or right, so he has no idea if he is in first, second or third place. However, there is no other option than to touch the end of the pool as the first one.

 

He is close now, only meters away. He hits the wall hard with his palm and looks immediately at the huge scoreboard in front of him.

 

He smiles softly when he sees the results. First place. He takes off his goggles and swimming cap, shaking his head, his almost obsidian and now slightly wet hair whirling around him.

 

"Simon?"

 

He looks up and sees his friend Shayne holding out a hand to help him get out of the pool.

 

"You did it again.", he says, smiling cheerfully, when Simon is standing right next to him. He is soon joined by his other friends Seth, Alex, Marissa and Sarah.

 

"This was amazing!", Seth exclaims. "You won by three whole seconds!"

 

Simon peeks at the scoreboard again and smiles, blushing a bit. Sarah is hugging him from the side, laughing happily.

 

“You showed those newcomers what it's like to be a Gator!”, she shouts, glancing at the other swimmers, who have just exited the pool and are now panting heavily, clearly exhausted from the swim. Some have even slumped down to the ground and are taking a break.

 

“They are only beginners, Sarah. I've already had a lot of training. There are some good swimmers. I'm gonna have some serious competition next semester.”

 

“Oh please!” Alex waves it Simon's words off. “You are so gonna rock!”

 

Only now does Simon notice that Marissa is taking pictures.

 

“Can you please not do that?”, he asks her politely but gets a shake of the head in response.

 

“No way. This is a moment to remember. Everyone! Scoot closer! I'm gonna take a group picture.”

 

She whistles one of the younger swimmers over to her and orders him to take the picture. Simon shakes his head in disbelief. No wonder Marissa got the job of the swimming team manager.

 

“Now, smile everyone! This is the end of our first semester! We need to capture this moment for later, when we can tell the press how we supported Simon throughout his whole career.”

 

Simon just wishes she would stop with the praising already. He's only been here one semester. A lot can change. He is doing the best he can, he is hardworking, practicing every chance he gets to improve his strokes, his speed, and his stamina. But he also needs to be realistic. The path he has chosen for himself will be tough, so he keeps his hopes low. Not so his friends. They founded the “Simon Padilla Fan Club” from the moment he met them. They have been very supportive and are truly great friends, but they put a lot of pressure on him without them even knowing.

 

“Got it.”, the young swimmer said. Marissa runs over to him and checks the taken pictures on the display. She signs them off and shoos him away again.

 

“I gotta get dressed now.”, Simon says, breaking free from the hugs and embraces.

 

“Oh, right, you're flying home today.”, Shayne notices. “When does your plane leave?”

 

“2:40 pm. I still need to pack.”

 

They all start to walk slowly back to the changing rooms, chatting away cheerfully about their spring break plans.

 

“I'm gonna fly to Hawaii with my parents. It's gonna be amazing!”, Alex says. “What about you, Seth?”

 

“My Mom wants me to visit my grandparents. They live in Alaska.”

 

“Dude… That's like… cold.”, Alex says, his face showing nothing but disgust.

 

“Yeah. I know.” Seth sighs deeply, obviously not looking forward to two weeks of coldness and maybe even snow.

 

“Well, Marissa and I are flying to New York, city trip.”, Sarah tells them, sounding very excited. Marissa smiles along happily.

 

“Where are you going, Shayne?”, Simon turns to face his best friend.

 

“LA. I got family there.”

 

“When do you leave?”

 

“Tomorrow.”, he answers and adds in a lower voice, only audible for Simon, “I need to finish a paper today. Don't tell Sarah. She is gonna kill me. She helped me with the research and I kinda told her I finished it like two weeks ago.”

 

Simon suppresses a chuckle and gives Shayne a thumbs up. When they reach the changing rooms, they say their goodbyes, wishing each other an awesome spring break. He hugs Shayne a bit tighter than usual. He is really gonna miss his friend. Honestly speaking, he is not really happy about going back home. But he promised his parents that he would come and visit them after his first semester. He sighs deeply as he watches his group of friends walking away.

 

He goes over to his locker, unlocking it and taking out a small shampoo bottle and a big towel. After a hot shower he changes into some short sweat pants and a shirt. It's still 79°F right now, which is even too warm for March weather here in Gainesville, Florida. He shuts his locker and is about to leave when he notices someone entering the room.

 

“JD!”, he says a bit louder, at which the taller, brown-haired boy turns around, grinning instantly.

 

“Hey, Simon! I saw you swimming! Incredible time.”, JD says, walking over to him.

 

“Thank you, I was hoping you would come.”, Simon says a bit shyly. He is actually blushing. This always happens. JD is the captain of the swimming team, a year older than Simon, and his idol.

 

“Heard you were going back home over the break. Sacramento, right?”

 

“Yes. And you?”

 

“I'm gonna stay here at the dorms. I'm holding a course for the newcomers. It's quite packed. I'm not gonna allow anyone bad to join our team.”, he chuckles and Simon joins him.

 

“So, I'll guess I'll see you after the break. Don't work too hard, okay?”

 

“Me? Never!” JD walks over to his locker which is opposite of Simon's. “Will you have the possibility to work on your strokes?”

 

“I'm planning on doing that. I'll have to go to the public swimming pool, though.”

 

“Shit… it's gonna be crowded in there.”

 

“Well, my parents don't have a pool. So there is no other option.”

 

“No worries. You are in a very good condition. Just enjoy your break.”

 

“Yeah, I'll do that.” _No, I'm not. I have to train. I have to work harder. I'm not even close to being half as good as you are._

 

“Good.” JD throws a towel over his shoulder. “See you after the break, Simon. Have fun in Sacramento.” He glances at Simon and winks.

 

“Thanks. You, too.”

 

JD heads off to the showers while Simon makes his way to his dorm room. JD is an amazing swimmer. No wonder they made him captain of the team. He sighs deeply, a bit frustrated. He is a fast swimmer, yes, but his technique is still not perfected. Sometimes, during a swim, he forgets how to move his arm, or his flat hand hits the surface of the water at the wrong angle, slowing him down. He needs way more training when he wants to get scouted at some point in time.

 

He keeps looking on the ground while walking down the hallway, when a familiar voice wakes him up from his trance.

 

“Simon!”

 

Luke is standing in front of his room. Simon smiles at once.

 

“Hey! Have you been waiting for me?”

 

“Yes! I'm sorry I couldn't be at the newcomers' introduction event. I was busy talking to my professor about our new assignment.”, Luke answers guiltily.

 

“It's fine. It was over rather quickly.”, he answers, pecking his boyfriend on the temple. He unlocks his door and they enter Simon's room.

 

“Have you packed already?”, Luke asks, plopping down on Simon's bed.

 

“Not yet. I'm not gonna pack much though. I mean, it's Sacramento. It's not really that much colder than Gainesville.”

  
“True.” Luke snickers, falling to his side, his head hitting the soft pillow. Simon watches him snuggle into it. He checks the time. He's got some time left to spend some time with his boyfriend, so he lies down on his bed right next to him, facing him, watching Luke closely.

 

“What's the assignment?”

 

“Huh?” Luke seems to be in a completely different place. Simon smiles and takes off Luke's glasses, carefully placing them on his nightstand, before kissing him gently on the lips.

 

“Where are you, babe?”, he asks, voice lower this time.

 

“Nowhere… I… I was just…”, Luke stutters, his face suddenly turning red.

 

“What? Tell me. I wanna know what's going on inside that smart head of yours.”

 

“Your arms.”, Luke begins quietly, almost as if embarrassed by his words.

 

Simon smiles at his dorky boyfriend and kisses him once again, the kiss being more passionate this time around.

 

“I'm gonna miss you, Simon.”, Luke whispers when their lips part for a moment. “Those are gonna be two very long weeks. You all the way over there in California… And I'm on the other side of the world.”

 

Simon doesn't really wanna admit it, but his boyfriend just killed the mood. He's thinking about home again, not the kind of thing you want to have in front of your inner eye when making out. So, he breaks off the kiss, forces out a smile and gets up.

 

“I know.”

 

He goes over to his drawer and starts taking out a few shirts, briefs, socks and pants.

 

“I'm sorry… I'm keeping you from packing.”, Luke utters, puts on his glasses and also stands up. He approaches Simon from behind and hugs him tightly, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I wanna go with you.”

 

“Believe me. You don't.”

 

It's not that Simon doesn't want to see his parents. It's the fact that it's 'Sacramento'. It's a thing from his past he left behind, and on which he promised himself to never look back. There are still some memories surrounding that city, bad ones.

 

“I wanna meet your parents. I wanna see where you were born. Where you went to school. Maybe even meet some old school buddies of yo-”

 

“Cut it out, Luke.”, he says, a bit louder and angrier now. He sighs. His boyfriend is just being nice. Simon immediately regrets his harsh tone. He puts the clothes on the drawer, turns around and embraces Luke, laying his head on his. He loves that Luke is so short he can actually do that. He then leans down and places a tender kiss on his forehead. “I'm sorry. Maybe you can join me next time, okay?”

 

“Okay.”, Luke agrees with a sad smile.

  
“You go ahead and enjoy your trip to Europe. I'd rather go with you, to be honest.”

 

Not really, though. He'd rather stay here in Florida, going for a swim every day, hanging out with his friends and learning new and better techniques from JD.

 

“I really gotta pack up my stuff, otherwise I'm gonna miss my flight.”, Simon finally says, stepping away from Luke and starting to shove the clothes into a big traveling backpack.

 

“Wouldn't be so bad, would it?”, Luke smirks, but his grin quickly changes to a sad face. “Okay, I'm gonna leave you alone now. See you in two weeks then?”

 

“Yes, see you.” Simon has shoved the last pair of jeans into the backpack before turning around and kissing his boyfriend goodbye. “Take care.”

 

“You, too.”, Luke answers and leaves Simon's room.

 

Finally. Alone. As much as Simon likes Luke, he can be really needy sometimes. He's really cute and adorable, and one hell of a bottom, but… Simon huffs. Suffocating. Yes, that's the word. He feels like being suffocated by his boyfriend, which is really hard on him since normally he has no difficulty breathing freely, especially when being in the water. Only there he feels…

 

Free.

 

Simon scans the room for things he might have forgotten to pack. His eyes wander over to his desk, and out of a habit, he goes through every drawer. Pencils, papers, books, exercise books. Nope. He won't need those in Sacramento. He has passed every single class with flying colors. He is going to allow himself a well-deserved break.

 

He opens the bottom drawer which is basically full of things he didn't know where to put when he moved into this room. His old Gameboy is one thing among them. Feeling a bit nostalgic he decides to take it with him. He also needs some games to play, though. He kneels down and rummages through the drawer. His hand touches something square shaped, made out of plastic. Pokemon Red Edition. He already wants to get up when he notices a picture sticking out through all the useless stuff. He grabs the corner and pulls it out.

 

It's him and Jonah. In their teens, both around 13 years old. That was the last summer the spent together before Simon had moved away to that boarding school. And later he moved even further away, to Gainesville, to attend the University of Florida. He visited Jonah on Christmas the same year, which was really fun. But after that he ran out of time. He stayed at his boarding school over the Easter break to train, to improve his swimming, to study harder for his scholarship. He took a raincheck on seeing Jonah. And it happened again on the weekend of 4th of July. And again on summer break. His parents visited him then, so he could be with his friends. He loved his new life.

 

The last time he saw Jonah was three years ago, out of sheer dumb luck. It was around Christmas time, the one time Simon actually came back home. It didn't go well. They fought. Simon left again. And they never spoke to or saw each other again.

 

Maybe he can try to find and talk to Jonah now. To catch up. Maybe even make up. Simon puts the picture into the front pocket of his backpack. He has to change into something better than just sweat pants and a shirt. It's 11:32 am. He needs to leave soon. He's going home.

 

Home. Where he is not free. Not at all.


	3. Chapter 2 - Home Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Simon's back in Sacramento.

Suffocating. Again. This flight has been hell on earth. Simon doesn't like going by plane. And that is an understatement. He hates being locked up inside a huge metal box that soars through the air. To Simon, that is basically the concept of flying. So, obviously, he is very relieved when he steps on Californian ground. He wants to get out of the airport as quickly as possible, that's why he is running now to the baggage claim. Thankfully, his backpack is one of the first ones to arrive, and he is able to leave at once.

 

When he exits the airport through the main entrance, he can already see his father's car parked right in front him. His Dad is leaning against the passenger side of the car, welcoming his son with a smile.

 

“Right on time.”, his Dad says, and takes Simon into a bear hug. “Hey, son.”

 

“Hey, Dad.”

 

Simon feels himself lean into the warm and safe embrace of his father. He must have missed this more than he would have thought. They get into the car and drive off.

 

“How was your flight?”, his father asks, starting the small talk.

 

“It was okay.” _No, it wasn't. It was exhausting, and horrible, and terrible. I felt like suffocating._

”How's Josephine?”

 

“She's fine. She's doing great at school. Still prefers to be called Joe. You know your sister.”

 

“Yeah, I do.” _Yes, I do, actually. She has problems at school. She doesn't tell you so you don't worry about her. I know her better than you think._

 

“You look tired. Flight was really okay? Were you able to you sleep?”

 

“A little bit.” _No, I wasn't. I was restless. I was nervous. I want to go to bed right now._

 

The rest of the drive is spent in silence. Simon is not in the mood for talking and his father seems to understand that. He leaves him be, not asking any more questions. When they arrive at his home, and Simon sees the warm, yellow light shining through the curtains, he gets excited all of a sudden. Against all odds, for the first time today, he feels happy to be at home.

 

The moment he enters the house after his father, he is thrown to the ground by a short, black-haired girl.

 

“Simon!”, Jo screams, burying her face in her brother's chest, her lightweight of a body pressing him to the floor, making it impossible for him to move. Well, at least, he pretends to for her sake. “At last! I missed you so much!”

 

“Jo! I can't breathe!”, he brings out, tugging on her arms who are wrapped tightly around his neck.

 

She lets go of him so he can stand up. Now Simon can have a closer look at his younger sister. Long, black hair, fresh dark brown eyes, cheeky grin, slim figure. She hasn't changed at all since the last time he has seen her. Which was last year during summer break, when his parents came to visit him in Florida, helping him move there. Jo came with them and was a great help organizing and decorating his dorm room. It's thanks to her that he is able to find everything right away.

 

“Well, you haven't grown a lot.”, he remarks, sticking out his tongue cheekily, at once earning a furious glare from his sister. “Kidding, kidding! I missed you, too.”

 

With that he embraces her, gently at first, but then, out of nowhere, he picks her up and whirls her around, making her squeal.

 

“LET ME GO, YOU DOUCHE NUGGET!”, she screams between laughs.

 

He lets her down again and together they enter the huge kitchen and dining area. His mother is standing at the stove, taking out what only can be Simon's favorite food – Lasagna. She goes over to the dining table, setting the casserole dish in the middle of it. She then looks up, her face lightening up when she locks eyes with her son. She walks over to him and hugs him tightly.

 

“You've found your way home, I see. At last, I may add.”, she says, kissing his cheeks. “I'm so glad you agreed to visit us this time.”

 

“No problem, Mom. It was about time.”

 

“No shit.”, she answers, making Simon chuckle. “Come, let's eat. I'm starving.”

 

“You're starving? What about me?”, Simon objects, joining his sister, mother and father at the table.

 

During the next half an hour barely a word is spoken. Everyone is hungry and digs in. Simon refills his plate twice. He feels like he hasn't eaten a proper meal in weeks. The food at his university isn't bad, it's actually pretty good. He doesn't know what's up with him. Maybe it's the jetlag or the exhaustion from the flight. The Lasagna tastes delicious, as always, and he is happy that he can enjoy his meal in peace. When everyone is stuffed, Joe and his Dad take care of the dishes while his mother sets the table once again – this time it's tea and Simon's favorite cake: white chocolate with raspberries.

 

“So, now that you have been fed and hugged and loved – spill it. How's life in Florida?”, Simon's mother begins the unavoidable conversation.

 

“It's great. I passed all my classes.”

 

“And?”

 

“And… And I have a lot of friends. They are all great.”

 

“And?”

 

“And… And the captain of the swimming team is pretty amazing. I learn a lot from him.”

 

“And?”

 

“And what? What do you wanna know?”, Simon asks back, sounding annoyed.

 

“And what about Luke? How is he?”

 

Simon gasps at that. He completely forgot that he mentioned his boyfriend's name during their last phone call. Fuck. He can't hide him anymore. He hasn't planned on telling his family about Luke at all. It's not like this relationship has been going long, only a couple of weeks. He's not even sure if he loves Luke. Probably not. But there is no way around answering that question anymore.

 

“Uhm… He's fine. He's visiting his cousins in Europe.”

 

“Wow! Europe! Mom! Dad! Can we go there, too? During my next summer break?”, Jo exclaims, big pleading eyes, interrupting her mother's chain of thoughts. _Jo, you sweet angel! Thank you!_

 

“We'll see.”, Simon's father answers, smiling. “Well, I'm glad to hear that you have settled in well at your new place.”

 

“Yes, I really love it there.” That is quite an honest answer. Almost too honest.

 

Simon sticks his fork into the last raspberry on his plate, putting it in his mouth and enjoying the sour sweetness of it. The moment he has swallowed it, his parents and Jo stand up in one quick joint movement.

 

“What is going on?”, Simon asks, startled and confused.

 

Jo takes him by the arm, pulling him up and dragging him across the house to the glass doors that lead to the backyard.

 

“What is going on? Jo!”, he shouts, annoyed now. He looks over to his parents, who have followed them, grinning from ear to ear. Something is up.

 

“You surely know about that huge lawn area in our backyard, right?”, his mother begins. Simon nods. “We always wanted to do something about that, have something special built there, but we were kind of waiting for you to get into college, when we were sure you would appreciate it.”

 

“It? What is 'it' exactly?” The curiosity is almost killing Simon at this point.

 

His mother looks at Jo, winking, at which Jo opens the doors, shoving Simon through it. The first thing he sees is actually nothing but darkness. It's around 11 pm already, night time, so it's hard to make out anything.

 

“Ready?”, Jo asks, standing right next to him now.

 

“Yes, come on! I'm dying here!”

 

Jo snickers and hits the light switch next to her. And suddenly it's bright, almost too bright. Simon squints, adjusting his eyes to the brightness. But when he does, and finally sees what he is standing in front of, he can't hide his happiness any longer. Where once was only grass, there is a huge outdoor swimming pool now. Lighted. Blue water. Long and broad enough for Simon to train his strokes, to swim… to be free.

 

“What the…”, he begins, but can't speak on. His voice is breaking. He is getting emotional over a pool. Well, that's really grown-up. However, he doesn't really care right now. There is a pool. In his backyard. He doesn't have to go to the public swimming pool. He can stay here, at home. He sighs out relieved.

 

“So? Speechless?”, his mother asks, laughing cheerfully. “Do you like it?”

 

“Yes, of course! Oh my God… When did you…How did you…?” Words. He needs words yet nothing comes to mind. His brain has gone completely blank.

 

“Over the winter. Which is almost impossible, but your father knows a guy.”, his mother answers and winks.

 

“This is… amazing.” Finally, a word. Yes, this is amazing. Even more than that. “Thank you so much!”

 

“He likes it!”, Jo shouts out, and hugs her big brother lovingly and tightly again.

 

“Yes, I really do, thank you!”, Simon says once again, grinning broadly now.

 

“Mom! Dad! Can we break in the pool?”, Jo asks. Again that pleading voice. Again those big eyes. Nobody could say no to her.

 

“Well, it's not really that warm tonight. But I guess we can make an exception, if you really want to, Simon?”, his father responds, looking at his son.

 

Simon would really want to, actually he would love to go for a swim so badly it causes him physical pain right now. His body is craving the coolness of the water. He sticks a toe into the pool, checking the temperature. He is so tired, so goddamn exhausted. He looks at Joe, then back to the pool. He closes his eyes, thinking.

 

“Let's go for a swim.”

 

~***~

 

The late night pool party with Jo was amazing. It didn't last long since Simon was really weary from the long flight, but he had enough energy in him to splash his sister with water and show her a few swimming tricks. He even swam a race for her during which she timed him.

 

The siblings don't spend that much time together anymore, for obvious reasons, but he enjoys every single second with her when they meet. She is kind of his soul mate, yes, at least he would consider her one, and it's probably the other way around, too. They confide in each other, they tell each other their secrets or when they mess up. Jo is the only one he writes or calls at a regular basis. He has the feeling that she still needs him to be her big brother. And he doesn't want to disappoint her.

 

Simon has already taken a shower and is lying on the bed in his old room. Nothing has been touched, everything is in the exact same spot when he left three years ago. He glances at the alarm clock over at his nightstand. 12:23 am. It's been a long day. He closes his eyes shortly, sorting his thoughts and emptying his mind.

 

Sacramento. No freedom. Bad memories. One true friend. Jonah.

 

He gasps out loud, all of a sudden, remembering something. He was supposed to write Luke the moment his plane would land. He grabs his phone. Three new messages and two missed calls from Luke. One text being more urgent and worried than the previous one.

 

**Si: sry 4 not writing. i'm home now. call u 2morrow**

 

That should be enough of a message. Maybe he should have included something loving, or nice, like “I miss you already.” or a stupid emoji heart. No, not really. Luke is his boyfriend, yes, but Simon doesn't feel like texting his feelings, expressing them with silly kissy faces and other crap. He exhales deeply and flips through his contacts.

 

Contacts. Shayne. New message.

 

**Si: hey doofus :P**

**Si: how's ur paper going**

 

It takes only a few seconds for Shayne to reply.

 

**Sh: T_____T**

**Sh: not even close**

**Sh: gonna have to pull an all-nighter**

 

**Si: sry 2 hear that**

**Si: i feel u**

 

**Sh: ty. how's Sacramento?**

 

**Si: it's okay. my parents got a pool now**

 

**Sh: NO SHIT! O.O THAT IS SO COOL!**

**Sh: hey maybe i'll drive up to Sac and visit u? how about next week?**

 

**Si: that would be great! :D**

 

**Sh: okay gotta get back to my paper**

**Sh: talk 2 u soon ;)**

**Si: np. gn doofus :P**

 

**Sh: night dork :P**

 

Shayne has cheered him up a bit. Simon is already looking forward to seeing his friend next week. But he is also planning to pay a certain someone a visit of his own. Specifically, Jonah. He has to admit that he is curious what he has been up to, what he's been doing, if he's at college, or if he's working. He knows that Jonah loved drawing back then, maybe he has had the chance to get closer to his dream. It would be really fun hanging out with him again. They were really close when they were kids.

 

However, their meeting three years ago was different. It was a game changer. Simon takes a deep breath, closing his eyes again. It could all go downhill, their meeting could end up in a total disaster like last time. Maybe this is a bad idea, after all. Maybe Jonah doesn't even want to see Simon at all.

 

He rolls over onto his side, covering the lower half of his body with a light blanket. He will reach out to Jonah tomorrow. He at least has to try. For old time's sake. And with these thoughts Simon drifts off into a peaceful sleep.


	4. Chapter 3 - Game Changer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Simon meets a few people.

“Thank you for taking me with you.”, Jo says, once they are in the car. “I needed to get out there.”

 

Simon drives backwards out of the garage and onto the road. They are heading for Arden Fair, the huge mall in Sacramento. He doesn't want to stay there long, though. His main goal today is to try and contact Jonah. Maybe he's lucky and he will meet him at the mall already, which would be best case scenario. If not, then he has to go and find his mother. He hopes that she still lives in the same house she did three years ago.

 

He glances over at Jo, who is looking out of the window, deep in thoughts, and he feels that something is up. She seemed eager to come along with him today.

 

“Why? Do Mom and Dad bother you that much?”, he asks, jokingly.

 

“No, not really.”, she answers, not looking at him.

 

“What is it then? Spill.”

 

She sighs deeply, apparently not wanting to talk about it.

 

“It's nothing, really.”

 

Simon is not convinced. He starts to get worried. It's untypical for Jo not to talk to him about her problems.

 

“Liar.”, he finally says. “Come on, you know you can talk to me.” He pauses shortly. Maybe she really doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to press her into telling him, and he doesn't want to be too nosy.  “But if you don't want to tell me, that's fine too.”

 

Jo turns her head to face him now.

 

“It's not that I can't trust you. I just don't think you can really help me with that.”

 

Okay, now he actually _is_ curious.

 

“Try me. I will promise to give you an honest answer, and if I really can't help you, I won't press you into doing something you don't want to.” A thought occurs to him right now, making him almost throw up. “Are you already… pressed to do something? By someone?”

 

Jo's face lights up suddenly and she bursts out laughing.

 

“Oh my God, Simon, no! It's nothing like that.”

 

Simon sighs audibly. _Thank God._

 

“Well, okay then. You told me two weeks ago that you had some problems at school. Is it about your grades?”

 

“No, my grades are fine.”, she answers, her smile fading away gradually.

 

“Is it a teacher? Do you have problems with a teacher?”

 

“No, they are all great.”  


Simon is running out of ideas. Maybe the problem is more personal?

 

“Are you having trouble with a friend of yours?”

 

“Kind of.”  


Okay, he is getting closer. He hears her inhaling and knows she is about to tell him exactly what is up.

 

“I think I have a crush on one of my friends.”, she begins, looking down on her feet now. “It started a while ago, before Christmas. He helped me with a project, we spent a lot of time together, more than usual. And now I can't stop thinking about him.”

 

Should he play the overprotective big brother card? Or should he be supportive?

  
“Well, why don't you tell him how you feel then?”, he suggests, in the end. What Jo needs right now is her friend-brother, not her bodyguard-brother.

 

“Not gonna happen. Nu-uh. Nope.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“He has a girlfriend.”

 

“Oh.” Simon bites his lower lip. “Sorry to hear that.”

 

“Yeah, sucks. Problem is, I cannot stop thinking about him. I've been a bit absentminded recently. I think Mom senses something is up. But I haven't told her yet.” She pauses for a moment, thinking. “I don't want to worry her. And Dad… oh my God, he would freak.”

 

“I don't think you having a boyfriend would be such a big problem.”

 

“Yeah, right.”, she scoffs. “You are a boy. You don't get all that crap from Dad every day about men and sex and … ugh. Fucked up double standards.”

 

Simon doesn't know how to react to his sister's accusation. He can't really tell if this is true, he hasn't been here most of his teenage life, he was at the boarding school, and now far away, on the other side of the country, living his own life. Maybe her parents are acting so protective because she is the only child left now.

 

“Maybe it's just a phase. I wouldn't worry about that.”

 

“Whatever. It doesn't matter anyway. I told you that he's taken.”

 

The drive goes on for a few minutes in complete silence.

 

“I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so gloomy. I'm really happy we are doing something together.”, Jo suddenly says, and smiles at her brother.

 

“It's okay, that's why I am here for. To listen and to help.”, he answers and smiles back.

 

They arrive at the mall 20 minutes later. The mall is quite packed, as every Saturday. Simon hasn't been here in years, the life rhythm here in Sacramento is a bit different from the on Gainesville, or Miami. He sticks to Jo, following her closely, as she leads the way through the masses.

 

“Where do you wanna go first?”, Jo asks. She seems to be more cheerful now, which makes Simon happy.

 

“I wanna buy a new jammer swimsuit. And you?” Although he already knows the answer.

 

“As long as we get ice cream at some point, I don't care where we're going.”

 

They have been strolling around the mall for a good hour now. Simon actually buys a new jammer swimsuit. He tries on about a dozen of them before deciding on a black one with two blue stripes on its sides. Jo points out that he already has one that is similar, she has proof in the form of pictures taken a few months ago. And she remembers unpacking at least eight jammer swimsuits when she helped him move last year. Simon objects, explaining to her that they feel different. Jo simply shakes her head.

 

Later they go to a bookstore, Jo's little world, where she finds two books about Japan, and the first volume of a new manga. Simon points out that she already has a manga that has a similar story to the one she is buying now. She objects, explaining to him that no two mangas are the same and that they all feel different when you read them. Simon simply shakes his head.

 

“Ice cream now?”, he says, grinning, when they exit the bookstore.

 

“Yup.”, she answers happily, and leads the way to the nearest ice cream booth. She orders two scoops of chocolate ice cream for herself and two scoops of vanilla for Simon. They look for a place to sit and find a free spot on the rim of a fountain. They sit next to each other and enjoy their sweet treats.

 

“What's his name?”, Simon asks.

 

“Whose name?” Jo looks at him, confused.

 

“Your crush's.”

 

Jo blushes immediately, focusing her attention on the chocolate ice cream in her hand.

  
“Dominic.”, she says in a low voice. “Dom.” A sudden small smile playing around her lips.

 

“How serious is his relationship? With that other girl I mean.”

 

“I'm not sure. I hear he is quite fond of her and likes her a lot. Apparently, they've been dating for a few weeks now.”

 

“That doesn't sound that serious to me, to be honest.”, Simon answers and bites down on his ice cream. Jo cringes at that. “I think you should tell him.”

 

“Tell him what exactly?”

 

“How you feel. Then he can make an informed decision.”

 

“But… what if he chooses that other girl? I would lose him as a friend. I'm not sure I wanna risk that.”, Jo says, throwing her empty cone into the bin next to her. “I love hanging out with him so much. We have a lot in common, and he is really smart. And he makes me laugh.”

 

“Well, tell him that, too. That you still want to be friends, and that you will be fine with whatever decision he makes, although maybe you're not. It will take the tension away. But in the end, it's your choice. I'm just adding my two cents.”

 

Jo smiles and nudges his shoulder.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For listening. And trying to help.” She leans her head on his shoulder. “I missed you, bro.”

 

“Missed you, too.”, he answers, smiling.

 

Simon eats up his ice cream, they get up and head for the exit. They've had enough mall for one day. And Simon still wants to find Jonah, which Jo still doesn't know about. She liked Jonah when she was little, and he also enjoyed playing with her, chasing her around the garden. Maybe she knows what happened to Jonah.

 

They are almost at the main entrance when Simon hears someone calling out his name.

 

“Simon? Oh my God, it _is_ you!”

 

Simon and Jo turn around and stare into the face of a boy, Simon's age, orange dyed hair, fresh big dark eyes, and a huge grin on his face.

 

“Laser?”, Simon asks, starting to smile himself.

 

“What are you doing here?”, Laser says, taking Simon into a quick friendly hug. “Last thing I hear was you moving to Florida.”

 

“I am, but I'm on spring break. I'm visiting my parents.” Simon looks over to Jo, nodding to her that it's alright for her to come a bit closer. “Jo, you probably don't remember, but this is Las-, I mean, David. We went to Junior High together.”

 

They shake hands, Jo smiling politely at a grinning Laser.

 

“Ah, no, I don't think you know me. We didn't come over that much. If we did, though, you would have remembered me for sure.”, Laser explains to her, winking. He turns to Simon. “But we dragged you and Jonah around a lot around town.”

 

Laser has just mentioned Jonah. Simon is about to ask a question about that, but is interrupted by Jo.

 

“Who is 'we'?”

 

“Me and Marty.”, he replies, pointing behind him. “He's at the gaming store.”

 

“What are you up to these days?”, Simon wants to know, deciding to drop the Jonah-topic for now.

 

“Oh, not much. I work at my Dad's music store. And Marty is actually going to college. He's on spring break, too.”

 

“Hey, stop reciting my life, I can do that for myself, thank you very much.”, Marty says as he approaches the group. He greets Simon enthusiastically, also, by hugging him quickly.

 

“Are you heading out?”, Laser asks, and Simon nods.

 

“Well, we also might leave as well. They don't have the game I'm looking for.”, Marty says.

 

The group of four strolls out of the mall, while talking about life, jobs and college.

 

“Do you still swim?”, Marty wants to know.

 

“Yes, I swim in a team at my university. We are called Gators.”

 

Laser snickers. Jo glares at him. Laser stops at once.

  
“I thought so. You were born a fish, Simon.”, Marty says. “Hey, now that you are here, you wanna hang out sometime? Laser and I want to go out tonight. Maybe you wanna join us?”

 

“Yeah, that would be great.” Simon checks the time on his phone. “I'm not sure about tonight, though. Can I get back to you on that?”

 

“Sure. Here's my number.”

 

Simon hands Marty his phone so he can type in his phone number.

 

“Call me when you wanna hang out.”

 

“Yes, I will.” He puts his phone into his back pocket. “Hey, uhm… Marty, you wouldn't know if Jonah is still living here in Sacramento?”

 

Laser and Marty look at each other before answering.

 

“Dude… Nobody has heard from Jonah in three years.”

 

Simon's eyes widen.

 

“What? How? What happened? Doesn't he live with his Mom anymore? Last thing I heard was that his parents got divorced. I assumed he stayed with his Mom.”

 

“We don't know what happened. Or where he is now. Last time we saw him was…” Marty pauses and is silent for a moment, thinking. “I'm actually not sure. Laser?”

 

“Definitely when he was still going to high school. Fall, maybe? Or after Christmas during our second year?”

 

“Could be.” Marty looks at Simon, his face guilt stricken. “Sorry, Simon. I know you two were close.”

 

Jo suddenly takes Simon by the arm, squeezing it tightly. _Do you know something, Jo?_

 

“No worries. I was just curious. I… I thought I'd drop by his place and talk to him. You know… catch up.”  


“Well, you can ask his mother, if she knows something. His father moved away a while ago, but his mother still lives here.”, Laser informs him.

 

“Maybe I'll do that. Thanks.”

 

“Okay, Laser, we gotta go. See you later then?”, Marty asks Simon.

 

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

They say goodbye to each other. Laser grins cheekily at Jo and waves when he and Marty leave. Jo glares. Laser winks.

 

“You sure had some really strange friends back in junior high.”, she says when they are back in the car, Simon already driving out of the parking lot.

 

“You think?”, he snickers. “I think Laser likes you.”

 

“Yeah? Well… I find his… winking and grinning… rather annoying.”, Jo stutters, turning red like a tomato.

 

“Whatever you say.”

 

Simon knows the way to Jonah's house by heart. He visited his friend a lot back then. They would hang out one weekend at his house and then one weekend at Simon's, playing video games, talking all night long, laughing, having fun.

 

“You really wanna go there?”, Jo asks out of the blue, sounding concerned.

 

“Yeah, why? Do you know something?”

 

“Just rumors.”, she admits quietly. “I also haven't heard from Jonah in three years. I used to see him now and then, walking around the city, or at the mall. But then I didn't anymore.”

 

“Do you know why his parents got a divorce?” Jonah only told him that they were gonna get one, but never told him the reason.

 

“I think his father cheated on his mother, or something like that. Apparently he remarried. Jonah slowly stopped talking to me when you moved away. He would say hello from time to time, but then just stopped and ignored me completely. When I would see him, he was always alone. No one was with him. It's as if he stopped looking for new friends when you left.”

 

Simon swallows hard, guilt hitting him hard. He followed his dream back then. Ruthlessly. He never meant for Jonah to be alone and lonely, though. He wanted to stay in touch, to visit more often. But the boarding school was tough, the swimming program extremely intense. He worked his ass off for that scholarship. Not because his parents wouldn't be able to afford it, money was not the problem, but because he knew that it was hard to get into the University of Florida. It was the place to go when he wanted to get scouted. The university set a high value on students who were hardworking and applied with a scholarship. They took him right away when he showed them his excellent high school diploma. Maybe he was selfish, and ruthless, and maybe that's why he wants to make up with Jonah so badly right now.

 

They arrive at Jonah's house a few minutes later and get out of the car. They walk up to the front door, Jo standing a little behind Simon, as if taking cover. Simon rings the door bell. _Here goes nothing._

 

They hear movement and steps. The door opens and Simon is faced with a sad, gray haired woman. Jonah's mother has changed a lot over the years.

 

“Yes, how can I help you?”, she asks, obviously not recognizing Simon.

 

“Mrs. Payne, it's me, Simon. I was friends with Jonah back in junior high.”, he explains, smiling uncomfortably.

 

“Simon…”, she repeats, trying to remember. “Oh, yes, right. You were that boy that stayed the weekends, right?”

 

“Yes, that's me. And that's my sister, Jo.”

 

Jo smiles shyly, making a quick waving gesture with her hand. Mrs. Payne sees here but doesn't really. She is kind of looking through her, before she locks eyes with Simon again.

 

“Sure, of course. Simon… forgive me for not recognizing you at once.”, she apologizes, smiling a sad smile.

 

She steps aside and gestures for them to come in. They go inside and sit down at the table in the kitchen. The house is small, but Simon remembers feeling at home here. His second home. It's strange that Jonah's mother didn't recognize him at once. She made them lunch and dinner, and brought them snacks. She took care of Simon when he and Jonah had a sleepover. Something must have happened. Maybe she suffered from depression after the divorce. That could actually be it. Simon's hands rest in his lap, his eyes fixed on a small coffee stain on the table.

 

“What brings you here?”, Jonah's mother asks him, pouring each of them a cup of coffee. “How have you been?”

 

“I'm good, thank you. I'm in Florida now. Going to university there.”

 

“That's great, Simon. And I hope you still follow your dream?”

 

Simon's eyed widen at that. He almost forgot. There was that one evening years ago when he talked to Mrs. Payne about his plans. She knew about Simon wanting to become a pro swimmer before Jonah did.

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

“That's good.” She pauses. “Are you here to visit Jonah?”

 

Simon nods, excited.

 

“Yes, do you know where he is?”

 

Mrs. Payne frowns, looking confused.

 

“Yes, of course I do. You don't?”

 

Now Simon and Jo are the ones to look startled. They both shake their heads at the same time.

 

“He's at the same place he has been for the last one and a half years.”

 

She pauses again, taking a deep breath, her eyes suddenly filling with tears.

 

“Where is that, Mrs. Payne?”, Simon asks, although seeing her so drenched in tears, depressed and miserable, he already can guess the answer. And it scares the fuck out of him. Jo must be sensing the tension, too, since she is suddenly taking his now cold yet sweaty hand into hers. Simon's face falls. His heart beat quickens.

 

“At the local graveyard.”

 

Four simple words.

 

Game changer.


	5. Chapter 4 - Never Say Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Simon doesn't believe.

He needs to see it for himself.

 

His mind is blank. He needs to go to that graveyard. He needs to find that tombstone. He needs to read that name. He needs to confirm it's him. He needs to know what text is written down.

 

He needs to see it for himself.

 

Jo has difficulty catching up with Simon after he has gotten out of the car and scanning the graveyard for the correct tombstone. Jonah's mother gave Jo the directions to it after Simon had stormed out of the house. She even described the tombstone. A weeping angel, half-leaning on and half-holding a heart.

 

Suddenly Simon stops, looking down. There it is. It's right here in front of him.

 

Jonah Payne. 30.11.1987 – 31.12.2002

 

Jonah's mother must have chosen the date he disappeared as his day of death.

 

“This cannot be true.”, he whispers, while Jo is clutching his arm tightly, softly weeping into it. “Jo, don't cry. This is not true. There is an empty casket down there. This is not where Jonah is.”

 

“But…he's been missing for three years now…”, she says quietly between sobs.

 

“This doesn't mean he's dead. I won't give up hope, Jo. I gotta find him. No one else will.”

 

He checks the time. It's close to 4 pm already.

 

“Come on. Let's go home.”

 

He wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer, and kissing her temple.

 

“Forget this exists, Jo. This is not Jonah.”

 

~***~

 

“They did _what_?”

 

Simon's parents shout out in unison. They are all sitting at the dinner table, in the middle of enjoying their meals, when Simon drops the bombshell.

 

“Why? Why would Maggie do that?”, his mother asks, tearing up. “I know she loves her son. Why would she just go and declare him dead?”

 

“I don't understand it either. There is no body, right? The police didn't find anything. Simon?”, his father asks.

 

“No, nothing. No clothes. No note. No suicide or goodbye letter. Nothing. He just… vanished.”, Simon explains. Words are leaving his mouth, yet still he does not understand a single thing.

 

“We knew Jonah wasn't around anymore. He heard about him go missing. But it all calmed down pretty quickly. We thought he moved away to live with his father.”, his mother suddenly says, more to herself than to her family.

 

“Hold on! You knew about this? And you didn't tell me?”, Simon exclaims, shooting his mother and father a hurt and angry look.

 

“Yes, we knew.”, his mother admitted guiltily. “But it happened after your huge fight with Jonah. And you needed to focus on your training and your studies. You wanted that scholarship so badly, and we knew that this news would throw you off entirely.”

 

It is absolutely cruel, and selfish, and thoughtless, and not like them at all… and true. He would have dropped everything and gone back. He would have forgotten about his dream and chased after Jonah. Simon stays silent for a moment, thinking. On the other side… maybe not. Maybe he would have been stubborn enough to forget about Jonah. Their fight had been pretty rough. On both sides. He said some words he wishes now he could take back. This is all very messy and fucked up. And he cannot do anything about it now. He feels a headache coming up.

 

“We're sorry, Simon. When we finally decided to tell you, after your exams and your spring swimming exam, there was that rumor that Jonah had moved to Washington, to his father and stepmother. So, we dropped the topic completely. I am really sorry, Simon.”

 

“It's… okay. I guess. Well, not really, but okay. We can't do anything about that now.” Simon runs a hand over his face, frustrated. He turns to look at Jo. “Did you know about this?”

 

Jo flinches slightly at his words. He assumes that she didn't, though. She doesn't go to the same high school that Jonah did, and it's a bit outside of Sacramento. And from what he heard from Mrs. Payne, she didn't talk about Jonah's disappearance much. The local news quickly lost interest in a boy who obviously did not want to be found and who didn't have much of a “news-worthy” story.

 

Jo is shaking her head violently.

 

“No, I did not! You have to believe me!”

 

Simon smiles at her sadly and lays a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I believe you. It's okay.”

 

“I am outraged.”, Simon's mother shouts out from the kitchen after having brought the empty dishes over there. “If it was either one of you that just went missing, I would search the entire world. I would never give up on you. Never. Let alone just declare you dead. This is horrible. Poor Jonah.” She cannot hold in her tears any longer.

 

“Mom, don't worry. I am going to find him.”, Simon replies, trying to comfort her. Her loving words have calmed him down a bit.

 

“How are you going to find him?”, his father asks, joining them.

 

“I know things about Jonah no one else did. I am sure I can find him. It won't be easy, but maybe I'm lucky.”, he answers, not having a plan at all. “I just refuse to believe that he's dead. It just can't be.”

 

Jo shows up next to him and bumps gently against his shoulder.

 

“Wanna go for a swim?”, she asks him shyly.

 

“Sure.” He needs to clear his mind and come up with a plan.

 

“Hey, stop.”, his mother says, making them jump. “I want you two to promise me something.”

 

The siblings look at their mother curiously.

 

“Don't ever run away. There is no problem big enough that we can't solve. Even if you fuck something up-”

 

“Janet!”

 

“-mess something up. Come to me or your father. We will help you. We might scream and shout at first, yes, but we will listen and we will try to help you. Have I made myself clear?”

 

Simon and Jo nod at the same time.

 

“Good. Dismissed.”, she adds jokingly. “And Simon, we will help you. If you want to find Jonah, we will help you. Your father has some connections at his company. Just ask if you need anything, okay?”

 

Simon smiles at her. He cannot be mad at his parents for long. He understands their worries. He himself was worried about his scholarship back then. Second year had been tough and nerve wrecking and overall exhausting.

 

He follows Jo upstairs, going to his room and changing into his new jammers. When he steps outside into the backyard, Jo is already in the pool, doing backstrokes.

 

“Looking good, Jo!”, he shouts over to her.

 

She stops and glances at him, grinning. She makes a few more strokes and joins him at the edge of the pool. Simon sits down, his legs up to his knees in the water.

 

“Are you okay?”, she asks him worriedly, a comforting smile on her face.

 

“Yeah, I think so.”

 

He slides down into the water next to her.

 

“Wanna race me?”, he asks her. He really needs a change of mind right now. A race will help.

 

Jo agrees and they chase each other back and forth, free style. Simon lets her win a few times, but she quickly realizes that, scolding him for going easy on her. After about half an hour they sit next to each other on the edge of the pool, talking.

 

“What are you going to do now?”, Jo asks him, curious about Simon's next steps.

 

“I'm gonna meet up with Laser and Marty tonight.”, he answers at once. He has made this decision after visiting Jonah's… no, not Jonah's grave. Nobody's grave. “I'm gonna find out what they know.”

 

“Can I come?”

 

“No, of course not. You're only 16. We will be going to a bar.”, he explains earning a glare in return.

 

“Yeah, what about you? You won't be able to drink anything yourself! You are only 19!”

 

“Jo, please. I'm not interested in drinking. I just want to find out something about Jonah. I won't be long.”

 

Jo looks away, a bit salty.

 

“I'm sorry that we don't spend that much time together anymore.”, Simon adds sadly. “I was so focused on my dream… I forgot I had family… and friends.” He pauses, frowning. “Am I being selfish? For following my dream?”

 

“Yes.”, Jo answers, not needing to think about it for long. “But that's okay. I admire you, by the way. You have a goal in front of you and you are getting closer and closer to reaching it. Of course, I would love spending more time with you. But I also know that you really, really wanna swim.”

 

Simon stares at her, eyes wide, lips parted in awe.

 

“Thank you, Jo. For understanding.”

 

“No problem.” Jo smiles and stands up. “I'm gonna go watch a movie now. You have fun with your friends.”

 

“I will.”, Simon answers and also gets out. He watches her go inside. And then he decides to mess with her one last time. “I'll tell Laser you said hi!”

 

“DON'T YOU DARE!”

 

~***~

 

“Hey, Simon! So glad you could make it!”, Marty greets him when he walks up to them on the pavement in front of the bar. He had to drive a little bit outside of Sacramento, take the interstate 5 up to Woodland.

 

“How do you know about this bar?”, Simon asks after greeting Laser.

 

“A friend of ours owns it.”, Laser answers as they enter the bar together and start looking for a place to sit. It's a bit muggy, like every other bar. There's a small stage and a band is getting ready to play. Live music. That's actually pretty cool. The crowd is mostly middle aged people, but they can spot some college guys also.

 

They find an unoccupied booth at the far back of the bar. They sit down and place their orders. Laser and Marty get a light beer while Antony decides on a coke.

 

“They didn't want to see your IDs.”, he mentions, almost whispering.

 

“Told you. We know that guy.”, Marty smiles.

 

“So, how is life in Florida?”, Laser asks, cheerfully and takes a sip from his bottle.

 

“It's warm.”, Simon snickers. “It's actually really good. The swimming team I'm on is amazing, they have won so many different tournaments already. A really huge on is coming up at the end of spring, and I'm gonna swim 100 meters freestyle.”

 

“So, you sure have a lot of training, right?”, Marty asks.

 

“Yes, it's tough, especially keeping up with the older students. But our team captain is really amazing.” Simon pauses. He notices that he has been smiling the entire time while telling his old school friends about his new life. “What about you? Laser tells me you are in college, too?”

 

“Yes, I study computer science. It's okay.”

 

“He is underestimating! He is a total genius and rocking all of his classes!”, Laser exclaims proudly.

 

They talk about their lives for a bit longer before the topic changes into the direction Simon has been hoping for.

 

“… and then we would come by Jonah's house, like two in the morning, and pick you guys up to go to some high school party we couldn't even get in to begin with.” Laser bursts out laughing.

 

“I remember! Jonah would be so pissed! But there was this one time, though, where we actually did get in. And you two drank way too much.”

 

“Oh my God, yes!”, Marty says excitedly. “My first experience with alcohol. Not good. That's the reason I don't drink that much anymore. My brother had to pick us up, remember? He still rubs it into my face every chance he gets. Me puking in his car…”

 

Simon and Laser laugh out loud.

 

“Those were some good times.”, Laser adds, the laughter slowly dying down.

 

Simon clears his throat. It's time. He decides to be straightforward and ask them right away.

 

“Do you know about Jonah's grave?”

 

“Yes, we do.”, Laser answers, not sounding shocked at all. “I came across it by accident when I was working at the graveyard during my summer vacation last year. That was quite the shocker. We didn't tell you at the mall earlier because frankly speaking I don't buy it. Not at all.”

 

“I remember you telling me about it. I did some research. They police never found a body. Nothing pointed to a suicide or a murder. Jonah just vanished. They still assume he ran away. And that's what I still believe.”

 

“I'm so glad you said that.” Simon lets out a sigh of relief. “Because I don't believe it, either.”

 

“You know who had pressed to declare him dead?”, Laser asks into their small round, leaning in closer as if about to spill a secret. “It was his father. Who is not really his father at all.”

 

“What?” Simon's jaw drops. That could explain why Jonah never had the best relationship with his father. Stepfather.

 

“Jonah's mother apparently had a complete nervous breakdown when he disappeared. Which doesn't surprise me. And after two years of nothing happening, his step-dad made the arrangements for a fake-funeral.”

 

“That is insane… Where did you get all this information?”, Simon wants to know. He feels like he is getting closer to finding out Jonah's whereabouts. It's just a feeling, though. Jonah could be living a peaceful life at the other side of the country, or he could be right around here somewhere. Who knows. But this conversation with Laser and Marty gives him a lot of hope. Now he is even more convinced that Jonah is still out there somewhere, alive and hopefully well.

 

“I… uhm… I kind of hacked some sites.”, Marty admits. Simon stares at him in disbelief. “I'm sorry, okay? I was curious. You mean to tell me that I was supposed to believe all that crap? No fucking way! We knew Jonah. We knew he was miserable, but he would never go and kill himself. He would run away. He would try to start a new life. But death was never an option. So that's why I hacked into his police file, and then this took me to the hospital where his mother had checked in a few times. And then I found out about his father.”

 

“Marty… Laser is right. You are a freakin' genius.”

 

Simon checks his phone for the time. 21:21 pm. His headache is coming back and he is still kind of jetlagged. This day has been a freakin' roller-coaster ride.

 

“What are you doing tomorrow?”, he finally asks.

 

“Nothing really. Why?”

 

“You wanna come to my place and hang out? My parents got a pool.”

 

He really could use friends right now.

 

“Sure, why not. Laser you in?”

 

“Is Jo gonna be there?”, Laser asks at once.

 

“Yes, I think so.”, Simon answers, suppressing a grin.

 

“Okay. We'll be there.”

 

Simon smiles happily. They decide to end this evening, and meet up tomorrow at noon. They pay their drinks and step outside of the bar.

 

“Laser, call a cab.”

 

“Hey, I can drive you, no problem.”, Simon suggests, before Laser can type in a number into his phone.

 

“Okay, thanks!”

 

They walk down the pavement towards the nearby parking lot. Simon unlocks his car and Marty and Laser get in. He's about to sit down behind the steering wheel when a really fancy, black car catches his attention. A sports car, Jaguar 908 RC. Must have cost a fortune. The car drives into the parking lot and stops. Simon doesn't want to admit it but he is kind of curious who will step out of that Jaguar. Normally, this area is not visited by such expensive-looking cars.

 

The passenger door opens. Ah, so the driver must have picked up a girl. Or a hooker maybe? Simon is getting less and less curious, feeling more embarrassed now. He gets inside the car and checks the exterior mirror. The person is standing in front of the passenger door now.

 

Dirty, worn down sneakers. Dark blue jeans with holes. A light gray hoodie. A black backpack over his right shoulder. The person waves the driver goodbye and the car drives off. His face turns. And Simon almost loses it.

 

Tousled deep brown hair. Green eyes.

 

Jonah.


	6. Chapter 5 - Comeback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: rated R, smut, light sexual content  
> A/N: Jonah meets Simon after three years. Jonah's POV.

“You sure you want me to drop you off here? Doesn't look like the safest spot, if you ask me.”

 

“It's okay. There's a hotel right nearby.”

 

“You know I would let you stay, if I didn't have to-”

 

“Yes, I know. I appreciate it. I'll be fine. Don't worry.”

 

Jonah clears his throat, ready to get out of the car. The older man sitting right next to him leans over to Jonah's side and opens the glove compartment, taking out quite a thick envelope.

 

“Here.” He hands it to Jonah. “It's a bit more than last time. I won't make it next month. Text me where you are at the beginning of May and we'll arrange a meeting.”

 

“You don't have to do that.”, Jonah says in a low voice, stuffing the envelope in his backpack.  


“But I want to. Believe it or not, but after two and a half years, I kinda feel attached to you.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You're welcome.”

 

Damn. Why does Josh have to look so good? He's not even wearing his usual work suits. It's just some washed-out jeans and dark blue v-neck. Jonah feels his cheeks turning red. He gives them a quick rub with the back of his left hand.

 

“Why Sacramento?”, Josh asks out of the blue. “You always talked about this city like it's haunted. You never wanted to come back here. Why now?”

 

“No reason.”, Jonah lies.

 

“Liar.”

 

Damn it.

 

“I'm meeting an old friend.”

 

Josh nods, smiling.

 

“I hope the clothes will fit you. I've put in a few extra tees.” He comes closer, their faces inches away now, and kisses Jonah gently on the lips. “Take care, kid.”

 

“You, too.”

 

Jonah opens the door and steps out of the car. He waves Josh goodbye and watches him drive away. He sighs deeply. Thanks to Josh he is going to make it through the next one and a half months until their next meet-up. Jonah takes a look around the dim lit parking lot. He notices a blue BMW X1 in front of him, opposite of the place where Josh's Jaguar has been standing seconds ago. The lights go on, indicating that the vehicle is about to leave. Jonah slides his arm through the other strap of his backpack and makes his way out of the paring lot toward the main street.

 

Then the engine of the motor suddenly subdues. Jonah looks back over his shoulder. The car door opens and someone steps out. Tall. Dark hair. Tanned. Jonah's eyes widen. He did not expect to meet him that soon.

 

“Simon.”, he whispers, a small smile appearing on his lips.

 

“Jonah?”, the taller man shouts over to him.

 

Jonah turns to face his former friend and sees him running up to him. Simon stops right in front of him, unsure what to do next. Jonah is anxious himself. Should he hug him? Should he offer his hand to shake? He has no time to make up his mind about that anymore because suddenly he is tackled by Simon. He is wrapped up in Simon's loving arms which are slinging around his thin and fragile body.

 

“Jonah…”, Simon is crying now, his tears streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks, damping Jonah's hoodie.

 

Jonah doesn't know what to say and is unable to move an inch. He didn't expect such a reaction. He remembers their fight. It haunts him almost every day. Simon had screamed at him. And Jonah himself had also said some horrible things he thought that Simon would never be able to forgive. And here he is. Pressed against Jonah. Sobbing. Happy to see him?

 

“Simon… I can't breathe.”, he says.

 

“I don't care.”

 

Jonah smiles, his heart almost exploding with happiness. He thought he would be more pissed, or angry. He had been carrying quite a grudge against Simon during the last three years. He wasn't even sure if he should risk it and come back to Sacramento. But now, seeing Simon's reaction, he knows he has made the right decision. Maybe that's why his hands suddenly move on their own. They dig into Simon's back violently, tugging on his jacket. He buries his face in the Simon's chest, enjoying this moment while it lasts. They stand like this for a while until Simon's cries have died down and he is able to speak again without his voice breaking.

 

“You're alive.”, are the first words that come out of Simon's mouth when they break the embrace.

 

“Of course, I am. Why would you even think that?”, Jonah replies, furrowing his brows confused.

 

“Doesn't matter. You're here now.” Simon wipes the tears from his face with his hand. “Where have you been? Nobody has seen you in years.”

 

No. Not here. Not now.

 

“I… I was traveling.” Which is a very vague part of the truth. Jonah decides to go with that. “I needed to be alone for a while, you know?”

 

“I can imagine.”

 

“Since when are you here?”, Jonah asks. He wants to move this conversation to another day. He wants to sit down with Simon and talk, and laugh, and be happy for a while before reality will get a hold of him again.

 

“I arrived yesterday. And it's been a hell of a spring break already.” Simon chuckles, newly formed tears starting to show in the corners of his eyes.

 

Suddenly they hear two more car doors being opened. Jonah looks over to Simon's car and sees Laser and Marty standing there, completely stunned with shocked faces.

 

“I see you met some of your old friends.”

 

“Yeah, I bumped into them today at the mall.”

 

Jonah sees Laser and Marty slowly approaching them now. He only can handle so much people for one day.

 

“I… I gotta go now.”, Jonah says, taking a few steps back. “But I would love to catch up. Soon.”

 

“Jonah…”

 

“You're staying at your parent's?”, he asks, keeping on walking away from his friend.

 

“Yes, but…”

 

“I'll come by tomorrow evening then. Okay?”

 

“Okay.”, Simon answers sadly.

 

Jonah nods, smiling at his friend.

 

“Oh, and Simon? I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anybody I'm back.”

 

Simon simply nods.

 

“Bye, Simon!”

 

~***~

 

Jonah collapses onto the hotel bed, completely exhausted. And upset. And excited. And confused. And… Too many emotions right now. This is too much for one day. Hell, this is too much for a whole fucking lifetime.

 

Tomorrow he is going to see Simon and tell him… well, what exactly. He hasn't had really time to think about this. What is he going to tell him? Why did he come back after all? Maybe this has been a terrible idea after all. They have grown apart, Jonah has noticed that at once. Simon looked good, healthy and careless. Jonah assumes he is still chasing his dream. And what is Jonah's dream?

 

He decides to take a long hot shower and try on his new clothes. He scrubs himself clean until his skin has turned red. There is a huge mirror in the bathroom, so when he steps in front of it to comb through his hair and brush his teeth, he is forced to look at himself.

 

His body is covered in scars. He is damaged goods. He doesn't look healthy at all. His ribs are showing slightly. Life alone, on the streets of the US, has not treated him well. The only time he felt safe and loved were the times he met up with Josh. Thanks to him he was able to check into a hotel from time to time, to travel further, to take the train or the bus, and was not forced to tramp and pay for his rides in a different way.

 

Jonah walks over to his backpack and pulls out the clothes Josh has bought for him. There are a few tees, all in different colors, three pairs of jeans, a new hoodie and some sweatpants. Also new underwear and socks. Jonah glances at his old, worn down things. He grabs them, crumples them up into a messy pile and tosses them into the trash bin.

 

He decides on a white shirt and the sweatpants. The clothes smell nice. Fresh and new. He hops onto the bed and switches the TV on, zapping through the channels. Thanks to Josh's generous 'tip' Jonah has been able to buy some snacks which he now enjoys. The day after a weekend with Josh is always the best one.

 

He's in the middle of watching an action movie when his phone goes off. Yes, he has a phone. Again, thanks to Josh. Speaking of the devil.

 

**Josh: im staying one more night. where r u?**

 

Jonah gulps. This has never happened before. Two and a half years. It's always the same procedure. He texts Josh where he will be staying (it's always around the end of a month). They meet up at a small motel. Josh buys him new clothes. Josh dresses him up. They leave the motel and drive to where Josh stays. Which is always some really fancy, 6-stars hotel. They spend the entire weekend together. Jonah gets paid. He is always allowed to keep his clothes. And then Josh leaves. That's it. No messages after that.

 

**Jonah: Hampton Inn. Room 249.**

 

He could use the extra money, if he is planning on staying the next two weeks here in Sacramento. He hasn't made up his mind about that yet. He wants to see Simon, and catch up on old times. Seeing him tonight has brought up so many almost forgotten and lost emotions. Simon is still handsome. And still kind. And still… well, he's still Simon. His best friend. Who he fell in love with during junior high.

 

~***~

 

“God… Jonah…”, Josh pants while thrusting harder and faster into Jonah's slim body. The older man's hand is wrapped tightly around Jonah's cock, his legs resting on Josh's shoulder. He is the only customer who makes sure that Jonah enjoys himself, too. Who makes him come so hard and long. Who is willing to give him a blowjob from time to time.

 

Jonah's hands hold on tightly to the sheets under him, his head is tilted back, loud lust-filled moans escaping his mouth.

 

“Fuck, I love your voice…Louder, Jonah. Scream for me.”, Josh says in a low and raspy voice and Jonah obeys.

 

His not-at-all-faked shouts fill the room. Josh is hitting his sweet spot right now, so the moans and groans are real, Jonah doesn't need to pretend at all that he is indeed enjoying himself a lot right now. Josh speeds up his thrusts, pounding into Jonah, harder, wilder and fiercer than before.

 

“Fuck!”, Josh shouts out when he comes hard into Jonah's ass, and only a few strokes later Jonah also releases himself, spreading his com over his stomach and chest.

 

His bangs stick to his forehead, his eyes are closed tightly, panting heavily. That was… intense as fuck. He flinches when he suddenly feels Josh licking his chest.

  
“You taste good.”

 

Jonah blushes, embarrassed. Josh is looking at him through his half-closed eyes, his lips parted, hair all after-sex messy. A view to die for. He doesn't pull out of Jonah yet, but leans in, bending Jonah's knees more, coming closer to his face, and then kissing him passionately.

 

“How you like the taste of yourself?”, Josh smirks.

 

“I like yours better.”, Jonah says quietly, which makes Josh chuckle. _He is going to kill me with that smile._

 

After Josh has taken a quick shower, and steps out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, he joins Jonah on the bed. The boy has cleaned himself up over the sink while watching Josh's naked, tall and athletic figure out of the corner of his eye. He is lying on the bed now, watching some music videos on the TV when he feels Josh's lips on his shoulder blades.

 

“Thank you for that.”

 

Jonah rolls around to face his customer.

 

“What made you come back?”, he asks. “We haven't done this before. Why now?”

 

“No reason.”

 

“Liar.”

 

Josh chuckles. _Can you please stop smiling goddammit?_

 

“You caught me.” He straddles Jonah, hovering over him. The towel knot has come loose, so that Josh's naked body is only inches away from Jonah's.”I wanted to spend one more night with you. We won't see each other for quite a while now.”

 

“I know.” Jonah pauses for a moment, thinking. Should he ask him? Will it make him look like some kind of crazy stalker?

 

“I'm going to miss you.” Josh has just answered his unasked question. He places a gentle kiss on Jonah's forehead before getting up and collecting his clothes, putting on his briefs and jeans.

 

“You're not staying?”

 

“No, sorry. I gotta catch an early flight tomorrow.” Josh gives Jonah a jokingly angry look. “You made me mess up my plans completely.”

 

“Sorry, not sorry.”, Jonah replies, getting up himself now. “I already took a shower today, but thanks to you I need another one. So, I think we're even when it comes to making things inconvenient for each other.”

 

“Oh, so I am a burden, is that what you're saying?”, Josh asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

Jonah snickers and sticks out his tongue cheekily. He loves their after-sex talks. He isn't able to reach the bathroom due to Josh tackling him, throwing him over his shoulder and slumping him down on the bed again. They roll around on the bed, laughing, and Jonah squealing cheerfully. Jonah wins their playful fight, pinning Josh down on the bed.

 

“You lose, bitch!”

 

“Yup. You got me.”

 

They look at each other for a few seconds. Smiles fading. Replaced by something else. Longing? Desire? Jonah doesn't know how to describe the sensation that is building up in him right now. Emotions. Feelings. Long lost. Long forgotten. Growing with every second. Becoming bigger. Overwhelming him. Getting a hold of his heart and crushing it.

 

“I think I should be going.”, Josh breaks the silence. Jonah lets go of him. The taller man puts his shirt back on, reaches for his wallet and pulls out a few more dollar bills. He places them on the drawer right next to the TV.

 

“See you, Jonah.”

 

“See you.”

 

Josh leaves the hotel room. Jonah is still sitting on the bed. Silent tears running down his cheeks.

 

_What am I thinking? I will never be anything else than a fuck to him. Nothing more. Nothing less. This is all I will be. Forever. Nothing's gonna change. No one will come to save me._

_I will never be free._


	7. Chapter 6 - Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: R, light smut, masturbation  
> A/N: Hanging with friends at the pool. Waiting for Jonah. Simon's POV.

When he is finally at home, unlocking the front door and entering a very silent house, Simon lets out the biggest sigh in history.

 

Jonah.

 

He is alive. And talking. And seemingly healthy, though maybe a bit upset and nervous. But at least he is alive. And not dead. Lying in a casket six feet under the ground. With a tombstone on top of it in the shape of fucking weeping angel.

 

He walks into the kitchen, opens the freezer and pulls out a bottle of Tequila. Normally, he doesn't drink, or at least not much. He's not the type of guy to hang out at bars and get wasted at college parties. He is the kind of guy who has a dream and who works toward it. But today…oh, today is different. Today he needs a drink.

 

Looking around he notices that the doors to his parents' and Jo's bedrooms are closed. They must have gone to bed already. He passes Jo's room and hears slight noises, then a laugh. So, Jo is still awake after all. Maybe watching TV. He should tell someone that he is home. And what he has found. Or rather who.

 

He knocks gently on her door.

 

“Come in!”, she says and Simon cracks the door open, sticking his head inside her room. “Hey, you're home!”

 

“Yes, I am.” Simon smiles when Jo gestures for him to come inside.

 

“So, where did you go?”, she asks curiously.

 

“A bar near Woodland. It belongs to a friend of Laser and Marty.”, he answers, plopping down beside her on the bed. She mutes the TV and is sitting cross-legged next to him now.

 

“Ah, okay.” She pauses, narrowing her eyes. “Did you drink?”

 

“No, I did not, MOM. Marty and Laser had a light beer. That's all.”

 

“Oh, okay.” She smiles softly. “What did you talk about?”

 

“Well, at first Laser was going on and on about how gorgeous you are and the way your bangs fall into your eyes when you're angry – he, like, finds it totally adorbs – and the way you smiled at him the last time you met- OUCH!”

 

That has been Jo punching him hard in his upper arm.

 

“Liar!”, she exclaims. “What are you trying to do here? You know I like another guy!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Simon smirks. “But seriously now, we mainly talked about old times. How often we used to hang out, our nightly trips around the neighborhood. And our new lives. And also about Jonah.”

 

Jo jumps at that name.

 

“And? What did they say? Do you have more information on his whereabouts?”

 

“I sure as hell do.”, he answers. “Well, they said they didn't believe it either. The whole death-thing. They thought he ran away. They couldn't tell me why, though.”

 

“See? We are not the only ones thinking that there's something wrong.”

 

“Jo.”

 

“What?”

 

“I met him.”

 

“Who?” Sounding confused.

 

“Jonah. I met him after the trip to the bar.”

 

Jo's eyes widen in shock and her jaw drops open.

 

“Yes. Exactly.”, Simon answers, getting up again and pacing around her room. He needs movement. And alcohol. He opens the Tequila bottle and takes a gulp out of it. Fuck, that burns! And it tastes awful! He grimaces his face in disgust.

 

“Where is he now?”, Jo asks into the silence that has filled her room.

 

“I don't know. We talked for like ten seconds before he walked away again.”

 

“What… How…”, she starts but is not able to complete her questions.

 

“Yes. Exactly.” One more gulp out of the Tequila bottle.

 

“But, is he alright? Healthy? How did he look?”

 

Simon's head is already buzzing, not from the alcohol but rather from exhaustion and the events of the day. And he didn't expect so many questions. He himself has a lot of them, too. And they will stay unanswered until tomorrow evening.

 

“Jo, stop… I just came by to tell you that Jonah is alive. We don't need to worry anymore.” Simon walks over to the door. “You can ask me all the question you want to tomorrow, okay?”, he adds, his voice softer now.

 

“Okay.”, Jo says, looking a bit disappointed. “Night.”

 

“Night.”

 

He leaves her room, closing the door behind him, and heads for his own one. Finally. Alone. His hand still tightly wrapped around the Tequila bottle he slumps down on his bed and takes another gulp. And another one. And another. Next time he checks the content of it, it's half empty. Or half full. Not really sure.

 

Simon places the bottle on his nightstand. He should take a shower. He reeks somehow. There's a certain unpleasant smell in the air and he guesses it's coming from his clothes. While taking off his pants and shirt, he trips and almost hits his head on his desk. No. No shower today. Way too dangerous. Way too drunk.

 

He throws a new shirt over his head and dives into his bed. When his body hits the soft mattress, he immediately closes his eyes. Everything is swirling. He feels dizzy, but not really sick. He is just drunk and in a very strange and funny state of mind right now. He rolls onto his back, eyes still closed.

 

Jonah.

 

Standing in front of him. Worn down clothes. Ocean blue eyes. Reflecting the lights of the dim lit parking lot. Looking lost. Him wrapped around in Simon's arms. His small, thin body pressing against Simon's. His hair messy, brushing against Simon's jaw and neck.

 

He glides a hand down his chest, slipping it under his briefs. Somehow the thought of Jonah so close to him made him hard almost instantly. He can't be _that_ horny. And he should be thinking about Jonah, his actual, real boyfriend. However, Jonah has occupied his mind. His soft hands. Simon touched them briefly when they stopped hugging. They appeared so slim and fragile.

 

He imagines Jonah lying next to him right, his hand around Simon's cock. Caressing him. Jerking him off. His panting increases. His hand moving faster. Eyes shut tightly. Brows furrowed. His other hand caressing his chest, twisting a nipple. Arching his back.

 

Jonah. Beautiful, lost Jonah. His face so close. His lips inches away. His eyes big, and curious.

 

Simon comes long and hard into his briefs. Fuck. Now he really needs new ones. He gets up, tosses his cum filled briefs into a corner and puts on clean ones. _Sleep. Rest. Now._ He crouches back into bed, covers himself loosely with his blanket and falls asleep right away.

 

Jonah.

 

~***~

 

“Simon, what do you want on those sandwiches?”, Jo yells over to the living room.

 

“Anything is fine. I'm the only vegan. Marty and Laser eat everything.”, he shouts back.

 

He is kneeling in front of the huge drawer in the living room, going through his games collection. Although, he can't really focus right now. Jonah is still on his mind. Apparently, he is never going to leave. Well, at least not until later this evening. He has so many questions he needs to ask Jonah, although he is uncertain whether Jonah will answer all of them.

 

What was that car? Who did it belong to? Why was Jonah in it? Why did he look so worn down? He was really thin. Simon could feel his fragile and slimmed down body through the fabric of his hoodie. He looked exhausted. Tired. Sad even. But he has the feeling that Jonah was also quite happy and relieved to see him.

 

“I need to call up Mom and ask her about that one dip recipe.” Jo's voice is somewhere nearby, though it doesn't really reach him. His parents have left early for a trip to visit some friends. It's just him and Jo now, preparing food and hooking up his consoles for later. Marty and Laser will arrive soon, there is not much time left.

 

“Simon?”

 

Jo's suddenly very close voice startles him, bringing him back to reality. He looks up at her, realizing now that he has been holding like five games in his hands and has not moved an inch since then.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Simon drops the games to the ground, maybe a bit too forceful, looking down.

 

“No, not really.”, he says quietly. “Jonah is coming by later, have I told you that?”

 

“No, you haven't. You haven't told me anything yet.” Jo straightens up again and turns on the TV, checking the correct channel for the console. “Are you going to tell me anything eventually?”

 

Simon recognizes Jo's hurt voice immediately.

 

“Yes, I'm sorry. What do you wanna know?”

 

“Well, everything! How did you meet him? And when? And why?”

 

“It was a pure coincidence.”, Simon begins and gives her a rather short summary of last night. “Laser, Marty and I were going home. We were at the parking lot in front of the bar when a car showed up. Jonah got out and it drove away. That's when I saw him.”

 

“How did he look? How is he? Did you talk to him?” Jo seems to have an endless amount of questions prepared.

 

“He looked….” Broken. That's what he looked like. Damaged. Destroyed. Fragile. Helpless. “…not well.”

 

“What did he say? Did he mention where he's been all this time?”

 

Simon's headache is back. It's been an incoming and outgoing thing all morning. Maybe because of the Tequila. Maybe because he himself has a ton of questions.

 

“Jo, can you please stop pestering me with all of these questions!”, he shouts, a bit louder and stands up. He walks over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of ice cold water. It's getting hotter by the minute. Sacramento is heating up fast today.

 

“Well, where was he?”, Jo asks more forcefully now, having followed him.

 

“I don't know! He didn't tell me!”, Simon answers, annoyed. He chucks the water.

 

“Does his mother know he's back and alive?”

 

“Jo! Stop it now!”, he shouts, clenching his fist.

 

“What are you yelling at me for?”, she shouts back, shooting him an angry and hurt look.

 

“I don't know, okay?” Still shouting, still angry, he throws the empty glass into the sink. It bursts into pieces. 

 

“Simon, what the fuck?”, Jo shouts, taking his hand into hers and checking for bruises.

 

She has always been like that. Always worrying about him, although this supposed to be his job. After all, he is the big brother. Simon lets out a deep sigh, frustrated and angry with himself.

 

“I'm sorry. It's just… He was right there in front of me. I didn't ask a single thing. I just… hugged him. And then he was gone.” He pauses, his voice breaking. No. He is not going to cry. He swallows the lump in his throat. “I shouldn't have left, Jo. I should have stayed here, in California.”

 

“What? No! That's bullshit, Simon! You were following your heart! You love swimming, you had a dream, still have, and you are trying to make it come true. There is nothing wrong with that.”

 

“But if I had stayed, maybe we would still be best friends. Maybe he wouldn't have run away.”

 

“How do you know he ran away because of you, huh?”, Jo asks, and she has a point. “Don't make this about you. We don't know anything yet. Right?”

 

“Right.”

 

“See? When he comes by later, you can ask him. Talk. And for fuck's sake, make up. I am still not over your fight.”

 

“How do you know about it?”, Simon asks, but doesn't get an answer because at that moment the door bell rings. Marty and Laser have arrived.

 

~***~

 

“And there was nothing else?”, Laser asks after Simon has told them how his meeting with Jonah has went once again.

 

All four of them are sitting by the pool, enjoying their pizzas and talking. Nobody actually wants to play video games right now. The number one topic is Jonah's mysterious return.

 

“No, noting else. He just appeared, and then he vanished again. We couldn't really talk. He seemed to be nervous and was headed somewhere.”

 

“Did you see that car?”, Marty mentions. “That's like… a billionaire's car.”

 

“How expensive are we talking?”, Laser wants to know.

 

“I don't know the exact price, but damn expensive. I'm not sure they make cars like these for us normal human beings.”

 

Simon slides into the pool for what feels like the 100th time today. He needs movement. This is the only way he is able to think clearly. To make up his mind about the whole situation. He can still hear Laser, Marty and Jo talking on, though.

 

“So, why was he in that car?”, Jo asks. “Do you think he was… you know?”

 

Simon stops mid-swim and looks over his shoulder.

 

“I hope not. For Jonah's sake.”, Laser answers, taking his water blaster and filling its tank with water. “Okay, that's enough worries for one day. Simon is going to find out what has been going on the last three years and then we'll know. End of story.”

 

Marty and Jo nod in unison.

 

“Okay. Now that that's settled -” Laser pauses and stands up, blaster in hand. “IT'S ON BITCHES!”

 

And then Simon hears nothing else but Jo squeaking as Laser is spraying her with water with his water blaster. They run around the pool, Marty joining Jo's team eventually, so they both are chasing Laser now. Simon smiles. A little bit of distraction is not such a bad idea. He is glad Laser and Marty are here right now.

 

Marty is the first to get thrown into the pool by Laser. Now it's only him and Jo.

 

“Run, Jo! Get the blaster!”, Marty shouts, pointing to a spot on the lawn.

 

Simon smirks and swims to the edge of the pool. He lifts himself out of the pool by his arms, grabs the blaster and points it at Laser who has gotten a hold of Jo, an arm wrapped around her waist, and is jokingly hiding behind her now, keeping her hostage.

 

“Stop right there, Dolphinman!”, he shouts, pointing his own water blaster at Simon. “One more step and she is going down!”

 

Simon put down his blaster on the floor, very carefully and slowly.

 

“Laser-Fish, think this over. You don't have to do this. Nobody has to go down. Not me, not Jo, and not even you.”, he says calmly, approaching Laser gradually.

 

“Ah-ah-ah! Don't move. One more step…”, Laser warns him, stepping closer to the edge of the pool.

 

“Laser-Fish, I think you're forgetting something.”, Jo suddenly says, smirking.

 

“What?”

 

“I am Jo Boyd, yes, but only by day. By night I am Aquagirl.” She reaches out for his arm, gripping it tightly, pressing hard against his chest. “I am immune to water.”

 

And with that she throw herself and Laser into the pool. Water splashes everywhere as Laser and Jo struggle around, and finally Jo can swim over to join Marty who bursts out laughing and Simon, seeing this, joins in.

 

“Damn it! I knew it! Aquagirl! My sworn enemy!”, Laser shouts out as he is pretending to drown.

 

Simon is watching the cheerful scene play out in front of him and can't help but think of Jonah again. He doubts that Jonah had an innocent and carefree childhood, filled with laughter and smiles. He shakes his head, beads of water flying everywhere. _Don't thing about. You don't know anything yet._

 

Their fun time goes on for quite a while before Marty and Laser eventually leave. They have returned from the bathroom, dressed in their clothes again, backpacks over their shoulders, and walk over to Simon who is waiting for them in the hallway.

 

“This was awesome, Simon. We should do it again some time.”, Marty says and hugs his friend goodbye. “I'm glad we ran into each other.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”, Simon says. “Actually, a friend of mine is going to visit me next week. Maybe you two got time and could come again.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.”, Laser answers and the two friends bump their fists against each other. “See you soon, then!”

 

“Wait up!” Jo runs over to them from the kitchen, carrying two plastic containers. “Here. Sandwiches. Take them with you.” She holds them out to Laser who accepts them, smiling friendly at her.

 

“Awesome. My Mom was going to make mackerel tomorrow, and I am not really a fan of that.” He beams at her before taking her into a bear hug. “You are saving my life. Thanks, Jo.”

 

Jo's cheeks somehow turn red when Laser lets go of her. Simon nudges Marty against his arm, and he nudges back knowingly.

 

The four of them step outside and Laser and Marty get into Laser's car. It's a small jeep, a little run down, but still kind of cool looking.

 

“Text me about the exact date.”, Marty yells over to Simon from the car.

 

“Will do!”, he shouts back, waving at his friends, watching them drive away.

 

“Well, this was nice.”, Jo says as they walk back inside the house.

 

“You seemed to enjoy yourself.”, Simon says, helping her stacking the plates into the dishwasher. “And don't tell me that you don't like Laser. Even Marty has noticed by now.”

 

Jo doesn't answer but stays quiet, however, Simon can see a small smile on her lips. He lets out a small sigh. This will do her good, having someone who is actually interested in her. And he likes Laser. He would totally sign off this marriage.

 

“Do you know when Jonah will show up?”, Jo asks him when they plop down on the couch in the living room, playing a quick game of Mario Kart on Simon's old N64.

 

“Nope. He said evening. It's… what… like 7 pm? He should be here soon.”

 

Not even half an hour after this comment, the door bell rings for the second time today.

 

Simon paces over to the door. He runs a hand through his hair, clears his throat and opens the door.

 

“Jonah, hi!”

 

“Hi, Simon.”


	8. Chapter 7 - Too Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Jonah's story. Jonah's POV.

“Come in! Make yourself at home!”, Simon says and invites him inside.

 

Jonah clings onto the strap of his backpack and takes off his shoes. It's been a long time since he's been here.

 

“Would you like something to drink? Or eat? I think we still have some sandwiches left.”

 

Simon sounds nervous which makes Jonah grin. It's like nothing has changed. Simon has stayed the same. He is the same shy and adorable guy he knew in junior high. He looks incredible today. Light blue tee with the logo of his university apparently, black shorts, messy and still a little wet hair. Seeing him right now, after so many years, brings out his locked away emotions again. Jonah takes a deep breath and follows Simon into the kitchen.

 

“Water is fine.”, he answers, still holding onto his backpack.

 

“Hey, Jonah.”

 

He turns around at the sound of a female voice and sees a girl his size with long black hair, tied together into a ponytail, and a friendly smile staring at him. He smiles at her, immediately recognizing her.

 

“Hey, Josephine.”, he says friendly.

 

She approaches him and hugs him tightly.

 

“Glad you're okay.”

 

“Uhm… thanks… I guess? You, too?”, Jonah answers, a bit confused. Why is everybody saying this?

 

“Jo, let him go, you are going to choke him to death.”, Simon interrupts their embrace and hands Jonah a small water bottle. “Don't you have something to do? Like an essay or homework?”

 

Jonah suppresses another grin. It's quite obvious now that Simon wants to be alone with him. He is somehow thankful for that. He senses that Simon has a lot of questions and that Jonah has to tell him parts of his story. Not all of it. He is not ready for that yet, maybe he never will be. He is really glad that it will be just him and Simon for now.

 

Jo glares at her brother, flips her hair and scoffs.

 

“No, actually, but if you wanna be alone with you _boyfriend_ , you just have to mention it.”

 

“JO!”, Simon exclaims, but she is already walking down the hallway. “USE A CONDOM!”, she screams before slamming the door to her room shut.

 

Simon's eyes and his cheeks are even redder than before, highly visible to Jonah. He has difficulty getting rid of them but he tries by rubbing over his face a few times.

 

“Do you wanna sit by the pool?”, he asks Jonah, already heading in the direction of the glass door.

 

“You have a pool now?”, Jonah asks in surprise.

 

“Yes, it's awesome! You wanna check it out?”, Simon grins, ready to go outside.

 

“Uhm, actually, if you don't mind, I would prefer the couch… or maybe your room? I would love to see how it looks like now.”

 

This request is blunt, Jonah knows that, but he really is curious. And he is hoping that the security of Simon's room will help him tell his story. Also, he has not taken off his hoodie yet. He is kind of cold, although it is still very warm for an evening in March. Jonah would also prefer something soft to sit on rather than the cold and probably wet ground by the pool.

 

“My room then?”, Simon asks shyly.

 

“Lead the way.”

 

Simon's room has changed a lot since he last saw it. The furniture has been completely exchanged for something more modern and more grown-up. His room is kept in white and different blue colors. He always admired the size of his best friend's room. There is enough place for a big desk, a huge bed, drawers, a closet, shelves filled with books, and even a small couch. He also has a bathroom of his own, which was very convenient when he would sleep here. They were on their own. They didn't have to leave this room after dinner time. They stayed here and played video games, read books, Simon lying on his bed and Jonah leaning against it, or they would play some silly made up games, pretending to be superheroes or detectives undercover. Simon's room has always been Jonah's safe place. It still is.

 

“You wanna hold on to that?”, Simon asks him, pointing to his backpack. “You can put it next to my desk. It'll be safe there. Promise.”

 

Jonah scolds himself silently. It has become kind of a habit to protect his backpack, his only belongings. But in here? He is acting just plain out weird, he knows that. He nods, smiling embarrassed, and does as Simon has suggested.

 

“Couch or bed?”

 

Jonah smiles and answers by throwing himself onto Simon's bed. So soft. It smells fresh and new. And also a bit like Simon. Simon slumps down next to him, sitting cross-legged, watching him with a sad smile.

 

“Where have you been, Jonah?”

 

_Okay, here we go._

 

“Why do you care?”

 

That just sounded wrong on so many levels. He doesn't mean to start a fight, or be annoyed and pissed at Simon. It's not his fault, that Jonah left, after all.

 

“How could you ask that?” Simon sounds hurt. “Do you even know what I've been through since I got here? I was looking all over for you! I came here in the hopes of making up with you, but instead I found a fucking tombstone!”

 

Jonah sits up when he hears that.

 

“What tombstone?”

 

“You don't know?”

 

“Know what?”

 

Simon takes a deep breath, as if to confess something. He looks uncomfortable and somehow guilty.

 

“Jonah, after you had been missing for almost two years, your father…” He pauses shortly, apparently contemplating whether to speak further. “He declared you dead.”

 

Jonah's jaw drops in shock. _Not actually surprised, but pretend to be hurt, for fuck's sake._

 

“What about my Mom?”

 

“She had a nervous breakdown. She checked into the hospital a couple of times.”

 

Jonah stays silent for a moment, trying to process all this new information. He fumbles around with the water bottle, ripping off the label.

 

“Jonah, please start talking.”, Simon suddenly says with a pleading voice, making Jonah glance at him.

 

He gulps, looking back down on his bottle. He takes a deep breath and then he starts telling his story.

 

“After our fight… after Christmas…” He pauses and takes a deep breath. He’s collecting all his courage to tell his story. A very long and sad story. “I couldn't stay here any longer. It felt like suffocating. I needed to get out. I couldn't stay in that house anymore. I hated everything about it. So, the night before New Year's, I packed up my stuff, took my savings and ran away.”

 

“Was it because of me?”, Simon interrupts him quietly.

 

“No, not really. I mean, you triggered something in me that I had been suppressing for a while. But you were not really the reason I left. There were so many other things, Simon. School, bullies, family stuff… I didn't feel happy where I was. I thought I could have a better life somewhere else. I thought it would be easy. I would just travel to the next city, or state, get a job and just… be happy, finally.”

 

Jonah pauses, taking another deep breath. Suddenly Simon's room couldn't be smaller. The walls seem to be closing in on him. He puts the bottle aside and lies down on the bed again and turns away from Simon, closing his eyes. During the next part of the story, he doesn't want to look at his best friend and he also doesn't want him to look at Jonah.

 

“It turned out differently. The first six months I tramped and mainly hitchhiked around the country. I didn't care where I went, I just wanted to keep on going. I ran out of money pretty fast. I couldn't get a job, I didn't have a place to sleep. So, I just kept on traveling. One time I got inside a man's car who said he would pay me for… a certain service. Guess, I was his taste.”

 

“Oh my God, Jonah…”

 

“He paid me well, and I figured, I could just do that. It was the first time in months that I got to sleep at a motel, with a shower. So, I started offering this kind of service to whoever would drive me around. I met kind people, drunk people, and… other kinds of people.”

 

He could hear Simon's breathing rhythm changing, it sounded staccato-like, short breaths. Was he suppressing to cry?

 

“But then, one night, I was in New York. It was my first time there. I was looking around for an open diner where I could get some coffee or cheap food. I had like five bucks left. I found a rather small one. I sat down at the bar and ordered a coke. And it must have been fate or some kind of greater force interacting – because in that diner, on that day, on that night, I met Josh.”

 

“Who…is Josh?” Simon's voice sounds raspy and is breaking mid-sentence.

 

“Josh is the owner of that car you saw yesterday. He was sitting two stools away from me. We started talking. He felt lonely. And I offered him my services. To make him happy. He smiled at me. And that's how he became my regular customer. He's been basically providing me with food and money throughout the last two and a half years except for some rare occasions where he just wasn't in the country. He got me a phone, clothes and checked me into a hotel after our first night together. Before I met Josh, I would only do blow jobs or would jerk my customers off. But Josh wanted more and I was willing to give him that.”

 

“Jonah… stop.”

 

“I am very lucky to have met him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. He saved my life. I owe him everything. So, that's why he can call me anytime, day or night. We meet up. I let him fuck me and he pays me. A lot. Enough for me to buy food and sleep in a bed at night.”

 

“Jonah… please… stop.”

 

Jonah does not turn around.

 

“Why, Simon? You wanted to know where I was. Now you do.”

 

“I'm sorry, Jonah. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. But I just don't understand why you just up and left. Why would you do this to your mother? What happened that made you run away?”

 

“You wouldn't understand.”, Jonah says under his breath. “And it doesn't matter now. It happened. You can't change it, and neither can I. But now I'm back.”

 

“Why did you come back?”

 

That's Jonah's cue. He sits up and faces Simon again, yet avoiding his eyes.

 

“I wanted to see you. I knew you'd come back for spring break.”

 

“But how?”

 

“Your sister shares pretty much on her MySpace page. You should tell her to be more discrete.” Jonah smiles softly. “That's how I found out. Sorry, for sneaking around.”

 

Simon oddly enough chuckles at that statement.

 

“Actually, I'm gonna thank her for being so open about everything. Her carelessness brought you here.”

 

Jonah looks up into Simon's dark-brown gems, and sees that his cheeks are tear-stricken. A sudden rush of guilt hits him hard in the gut, he doesn't know exactly why. But he feels responsible for his friend's tears. And then his body and hands move on their own, as if he has no control over them. His thumb brushes over Simon's face, wiping away some tears. He come closer, and closer, in the end, closes the space between them by placing a kiss on Simon's lips.

 

And Simon doesn't resist. He leans into the kiss, their lips moving slowly and lovingly against each other. Simon's hands cup his face, his fingers running through Jonah's hair, combing through it, pulling gently on them. Jonah moves closer, straddling Simon, never breaking the kiss. He's in his lap, his legs wrapped around his friend's waist, while his hands roam his back, tugging on his shirt.

 

What is happening? He has been dreaming of this moment for so long. Kissing Simon. Feeling his body against his own. Is it the heat of the moment? Is Simon pitying him and that's why he makes out with him? Why he is not pushing him away? Because he feels sorry for Jonah? No, this can't be. This feels too real. Jonah tries to get rid of his thoughts right now, he wants to enjoy this, he wants to focus on Simon alone. Yet he can't help but play a certain question on constant repeat over and over in his mind.

 

_What the fuck is happening right now?_


	9. Chapter 8 - Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: smut, NC17, graphic sexual content;  
> A/N: Monday, 1st day of spring break. Simon spends time with Jonah and tries to figure out his feelings. Simon's POV.

_What the fuck is happening right now?_

 

He is kissing Jonah. Why? Why is he doing this? Why is he kissing back? Why are his hands entangled in Jonah's hair, pulling on it gently, pressing his body against the one of the smaller man's? They are kissing. They are sitting on his bed and are kissing.

 

Oh my God. Luke. He is cheating on his boyfriend. Which doesn't really bother him. Not at all. It's not like he and Luke are an exclusive item. Or are they? Is he actually betraying his boyfriend's trust? By making out with a lost-and-found friend? Whom he hasn't talked to in years? Is he willing to give up his life and his morals for this boy in front of him? Is he making a huge mistake?

 

"Simon...", Jonah breathes against his lips, passionate, loving. "I... wanted to do this for so long."

 

No. This is wrong. He doesn't love Jonah. Or does he? He definitely does not love Luke. But why does this all feel so... weird? Not wrong, but just unfamiliar and strange. He needs to stop this before something happens they will both regret later. It wouldn't be fair towards Jonah. It would feel like leading him on. And he doesn't want to hurt Jonah. He already is hurt and broken enough.

 

"Wait... Jonah... Wait!"

 

Simon places his hands on Jonah's chest and pushes him away very softly. He fears he will break Jonah in two if he touches him too roughly. The other boy just stares at him, confused, brows raised in surprise.

 

"I... I have a boyfriend.", Simon begins and adds under his breath, "... of some sort."

 

Jonah's face falls, his eyes big and suddenly sadder than before.

 

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. We shouldn't have done that."

 

"Do you love him?", is the instant question which leaves Simon flabbergasted

 

"I...I...",, he begins but is interrupted by another one of Jonah's questions.

 

"Simon?" Quiet voice. "Do you love me?"

 

"I... I...", he stutters again, not knowing what to answer, how to answer.

 

_Damn it, pull yourself together, man!_

 

“Do you even like me?” Jonah’s voice cracks in the middle of that question.

 

Simon stays silent, lips parted, catching breath to speak, but no words come out.

 

Jonah suddenly chuckles. It's not a happy chuckle, though. It's a frustrated one. He huffs and gets off the bed.

 

"I guess I have my answer.", Jonah finally says and starts to slowly walk over to the desk to get his backpack.

 

"No, Jonah, wait!" Simon jumps off his bed and runs over to his friend, grabbing his upper arm. "I like you. I really do. You are my best friend, Jonah."

 

"Was. I was your best friend.", Jonah corrects him. "You are such a bad liar, Simon."

 

Jonah's answer hits Simon deeply and forcefully into the gut, making his stomach churn.

 

"We don't have anything in common anymore. We lead different lives. "

 

"Then why did you come back, Jonah? You said you wanted to see me! Tell me why!"

 

Jonah opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it seconds later, looking down on his feet.

 

"I don't know what I expected. I just... wanted to see you."

 

"You love me, don't you?", Simon asks boldly.

 

"Yes. Always have. Always will." Almost a whisper. "But it doesn't matter anymore. I won't love someone who doesn't want me. And you made yourself very clear right now what you want. Or rather who."

 

Jonah turns around and heads for the door.

 

"Jonah... wait... STOP!", it bursts out of Simon. A desperate cry. Jonah is about to vanish again, but this time, he will stop it from happening. Jonah, or no Jonah. "Didn't you hear me at all? I like you, Jonah. I like you. Just... please, give me time to figure this out. I loved kissing you. I love you around me. I love you being close to me. Seeing you here, after all these years, healthy and alive... my heart leaps with joy. It has brought up so many different feelings. Please... Jonah... please. Stay. Don't leave. Not like this. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Give me time to think."

 

Jonah hasn't turned around yet. Is he seriously considering leaving? Jonah must truly hate him right now. He is messing up his world, his life. But what kind of life is that? Living on the streets. Making a living by selling his body to some rich-ass stranger. Who does things to him Simon doesn't even want to imagine. He doesn't want those pictures in his head.

 

"Simon?"

 

Simon flinches at Jonah's voice and expects something negative to happen. Jonah leaving. Never coming back again. Hating him. Forgetting him.

 

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

 

The taller man's face lights up immediately.

 

"Of course, you can!"

 

Only now does Jonah turn around to face his friend. Tears are streaming down his face. Sad tears? Happy tears? Simon can't tell. Suddenly Jonah bumps into his chest, wrapping his skinny little arms around him, hugging him tightly.

 

"Thank you for not letting me go.", he whispers into Simon's shirt, voice muffled, hoarse, breaking.

 

Simon's heart almost breaks in half when hearing this. He would never let him go again. He is way too precious, a treasure, a star in the night sky. He needs to be protected and kept safe. Some terrible things have happened to his best friend. Something he won't tell Simon yet. Maybe later, when they have worked things out again. When Jonah finally trusts Simon again. And Simon will be around when that happens.

 

_Who has hurt you, Jonah? Why did you leave a Sacramento? What happened?_

 

~***~

 

"Luke... Luke! Calm down....", Simon whisper-shouts, trying not to wake up Jonah who is still fast asleep in his bed. "No, I didn't.... It just happened!... Well, I'm sorry if you don't believe that. I just need a little bit time to figure this out, okay? No... No! We are not breaking up, I just need a break from us... Because he needs me right now... No, this doesn't concern you at all! ... Luke!"

 

Luke has hung up. Simon's urge to throw his phone against the next wall rises, but he manages to calm himself down again. Deep, slow breaths. He knew that Luke would not understand his situation.

 

"Hey..."

 

Simon jerks when he hears Jonah's soft voice. He looks over his shoulder and sees Jonah watching him through half-closed eyes. His hair is good-morning-messy, a few strains falling into his clear blue eyes. A gorgeous view which mesmerizes him completely. And he forgets how to speak "human" at all.

 

"Is everything alright?", Jonah asks, running a hand through his morning hair.

 

"Yeah..." It comes out as a screech. Simon clears his throat and tries again. "Yeah, don't worry. I just... I had to tell Luke I want a break."

 

"Oh." Jonah's friendly features change into serious ones. "Is it because of me?"

 

Simon stands up from the floor where he is sitting and goes over to lie down next to Jonah again. He is watched closely by the other boy, maybe wondering what Simon is about to do next. He is right next to him, though no body parts are touching. His arm is tugged under his head, eyes locked with Jonah's.

 

"Partly. You showing up in my life again has changed a lot. Though I've never been quite sure about Luke either. He's a great guy, but kind of... clingy.", Simon answers.

 

Jonah chuckles a little at that. He is lying on his belly, head resting on his arms and pillow, looking at Simon.

 

"Where did you stay last night?", Simon asks, scolding himself for not having asked this question sooner. He never knew where Jonah went that night they met.

 

"At a hotel. Josh paid enough for me to stay there for the next two-... few days if I want."

 

"Is it a nice hotel?"

 

"It's okay. Bed, shower, TV. I don't need more. That's enough."

 

Simon raises his brows in pity, not noticing it at all, however, Jonah does and shoots him a slight glare.

 

"Don't."

 

"What?"

 

"Don't look at me like that. I'm fine. I was fine the last three years."

 

"Sorry.", Simon answers and shuts up, pressing his lips together. Jonah's face softens at that gesture.

 

"Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the concern. It's just that I don't need you to worry, okay?"

 

Simon nods but avoids Jonah's eyes. He then rolls onto his other side and gets up.

 

"I'm gonna make breakfast now. What do you want? I can cook. I can make basically anything. Waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon. Or are you a vegetarian? If you don't eat meat, we also have a lot of vegan food, because I'm vegan, you know. But Jo always eats my food, so we have to check if there's anything left. But I can definitely find something you like. I can make you a bowl of fruit, or if you want vegetables or cereal, we got that, too-"

 

"Simon.", Jonah interrupts his rambling for which he is kind of thankful for. "Do you want me to stay?"

 

Simon exhales deeply and nods his head slowly.

 

"Yes. Please stay. I know you don't want my pity. But I worry. I can't help it. I don't want you staying in a hotel. I want you here." _With me._

 

Suddenly he feels Jonah's head leaning against his back, his slim arms slinging around his chest, pulling him closer. His heart beat quickens instantly.

 

"I'll stay.", Jonah says quietly. "For you."

 

~***~

 

Jo has already left for school. Unfortunately for her, her school doesn't have a spring break. She will be back Thursday evening, which means Simon will be spending the week alone with Jonah. Which is not a bad thing at all. He needs the time together with his – he guesses former best – friend. And time to think everything over. His feelings are still all very blurry and messy. They are all over the place.

 

Jonah sleeping next to him. Listening to him breathing. Alive. Well. Right here. With him.

 

Simon doesn't want to rush things. Breaking up with Luke has been hard enough. Yes, that's what it was in the end. A break-up. He got a text from Luke the same day after breakfast, a very hurt message, stating that he couldn't handle this. That he would rather not be together with Simon at all than have to share him with someone else. Not knowing how he truly felt about him. And that's when their temporary break-up turned into a permanent one. Simon is not really bummed about that, but his mind is a bit occupied during the day. Not intentionally, but he is not really himself today.

 

His parents will come back from their trip in the evening. Simon has already called them, telling them about the good news, that Jonah was alive and well. They were thrilled to have Jonah around, and his mother already planned out their evening. Going out. Dinner. Pizza. A big celebration. Simon smiled throughout their whole conversation. He convinced his mother to just order in pizza, that Jonah wanted to stay home.

 

The truth is, however, that Jonah doesn't want anyone to know he is back in town. Especially, not his mother. And nobody is supposed to know about how he spent the last three years. So, instead of going to the huge Sacramento mall, they stay home, only going for a quick walk around the block.

 

And that's where they are right now when Jonah notices Simon's somehow gloomy mood. They have reached a nearby playground, which is normally full of children but not today. They sit down on the swings, each of them swaying gently from side to side.

 

"What's wrong? You haven't been very talk-active since breakfast."

 

"It's nothing, really. I don't even know myself why I'm so bummed about this now." Simon pauses and kicks a small rock, it soars through the air until it hits the pavement. "Luke and I broke up for good."

 

"I'm sorry to hear that. I feel like I'm causing you nothing but trouble since I got back. I didn't really mean to, though. I just wanted to see you. Talk to you."

 

"It's really not your fault, Jonah. I think I'm just a bit upset about how it ended. Our conversation didn't go so well, and his text... I feel a bit guilty. Like I've led him on or something." Simon shakes his head to get rid of those negative thoughts. "Let's not talk about that anymore. It's good as it is."

 

"Okay." Jonah nods and keeps on swinging back and forth.

 

"What do you wanna do? Do you wanna go somewhere special?"

 

"I... I'm not sure. I don't want to be recognized."

 

"Don't worry about that. I got a car, we can go anywhere you want. Leave the city. Go somewhere where no one knows you."

 

Jonah stops swinging and looks at Simon, smiling. It's a happy smile. A real, honest and cheerful smile. Simon takes a deep breath, relieved that his friend seems to be fine with that plan.

 

"Yes, let's do that."

 

"Okay! It's settled!" Simon swings a bit more energetically now and then jumps off the swing, stumbling but not falling. "Come on!"

 

Simon stretches out his hand and Jonah takes it shyly. Their hands touch and Simon's heart makes a small leap. They walk back together to the house and spend the rest of the day planning out their week. After a few hours of clicking through different websites and looking at photographs of various locations, they have found three places they both want to visit: Folsom State Recreation Area, San Francisco, and Mendocino National Forest.

 

"That sounds like a plan!", Simon exclaims happily and takes a few more notes. Suddenly his phone goes off, vibrating twice. A message from Shayne.

 

**Sh: hey doofus! :D i made some time and could come to sac on thursday**

**Sh: u got time?**

Simon grins at once, typing an answer right away.

**Si: who u callin doofus, doofus? :P**

**Si: thursday is fine**

**Si: can u come around noon?**

**Sh: done and done**

**Sh: text me your address**

**Sh: cu soon, buddy! :)**

**Si: awesome! can't wait! :D**

**Si: cu! :)**

 

~***~

 

"You promise?"

 

"Yes. I won't tell anything."

 

"What will you tell them?", Jonah asks, fumbling with his shirt.

 

"I won't tell them anything. That's your job. Come up with something and I'll support you."

 

Jonah gulps and nods.

 

"Hey, it's gonna be fine. I'll make sure my parents won't pester you too much with questions you don't want to answer."

 

Simon feels the urge to take Jonah into his arms, embrace him and hold. But instead, he just rubs his upper arm gently and comfortingly. He doesn't have the time to do more because he can hear his parents' car driving into the garage. They walk to the front door and wait for them to enter. Suddenly Simon feels like he's 12 years old again, waiting for his parents to come home from work, asking them if he and Jonah can have a sleepover on the weekend. Yet now, it's more than just a weekend. And more than just until the end of spring break. Jonah doesn't know it, and he won't say anything unless he has his parents' permission. It's their house after all.

 

Simon's mother walks in first and starts sobbing at once at the sight if Jonah standing there, dressed in black sweatpants and a white tee, his hands nervously playing around with the hem of his shirt, smiling awkwardly. She takes him into a hug, rocking him from side to side. Simon has to break them up, fearing that his mother might just choke Jonah to death. His father has a slightly different reaction. No crying, but he also greets Jonah by embracing him.

 

The house is immediately a bit louder than the last two days. His mother is chatting away, telling her son about the trip, and about their friends. His father already is on the phone ordering pizzas while Jonah is helping out in the kitchen. He slices some tomatoes for the salad.

 

"Jonah, you can't even imagine how much I missed you having here!", she beams while throwing some chopped up cucumbers into a huge glass bowl. "I remember when you were little as if it was yesterday. You would always help me in the kitchen. Simon would set the table and we would eat dinner. Remember?"

 

"Yes, I do, Mrs. Boyd.", Jonah answers friendly, smiling.

 

Simon takes out four plates and four glasses and places them on the table.

 

"I loved having you here over the weekends.", Simon's mother adds. "You were like a second son to me. And I think Janet said something very similar about Simon, too."

 

"Really?", Simon shows up right beside her at the sound of his name.

 

"Yes! She was also so happy when you were at Jonah's. I saw her smiling rather rarely, but when you were having your sleepovers, she seemed so relaxed and cheerful." She pauses and looks over at Jonah. "I never saw your father on the weekends. He must have traveled around a lot."

 

"Yes. But it was okay. My father never really liked the weekends.", Jonah answers, his voice suddenly monotonous and his eyes empty. "I saw him a lot throughout the rest of the week, though."

 

"Well, at least you had that! Spending time with your father in the afternoons and evenings must have been fun!", she continues, finishing the salad and carrying the bowl over to the dining table.

 

Their pizzas arrive ten minutes later, so they all take their seats and dig in hungrily.

 

Simon is paying quite a lot of attention to the conversation. His parents start carefully asking Jonah about the past three years. He tells them he ran away because of his parents' divorce. That he couldn't handle it. That he didn't have any friends. And so he decided to leave Sacramento. He tells them that he lived with an estranged uncle in Kentucky. Which is a straight-out lie, Jonah doesn't have any relatives living there. He also explains that he was so angry with his parents that he didn't want to talk to them, that's why he didn't come back. But his uncle made him return now, so he could visit Simon and also his mother. He dropped him off at a parking lot in Woodland. And that's how he and Simon met that night.

 

Oh, this sounds incredibly convincing. The way he tells this story, his mouth slightly pouted, eyes glistening. Jonah is a master at lying, and his parents buy this bullshit story. Simon isn't too happy about it, he hates lying to his parents. But he also can understand Jonah's side. So, he keeps a straight face and nods along, since his mother is seeking confirmation by shooting him small glances.

 

After their dinner together which went frankly speaking very well, Jonah excuses himself to Simon's room, feeling tired. Which is the perfect moment for Simon to address a certain topic.

 

"Uhm... Dad? Mom? Can I ask you something?

 

"Sure, honey. What's up?"

 

His parents are sitting together on the couch, enjoying their evening together when Simon decides to disturb them.

 

"It's about Jonah... He doesn't really get along with his mother... well, at least not now. So, I was wondering if he could stay in my room until he has talked to her."

 

"Yes, of course, he can stay!", his mother says, smiling. "He can stay here as long as he wants."

 

Wow. That was actually pretty easy.

 

"Great, thanks, Mom."

 

"Simon!", his father calls out, making him come back, looking at his father curiously. "There is no uncle in Kentucky, right?"

 

"Yes, there is! Jonah... worked there... on the ranch. He had a nice life. He had food and a bed... and friends!"

 

_Dude. Way too defensive. Way too obvious._

 

"Simon, it's okay if you want to protect your friend. But I know for a fact that neither Janet nor his father... or step-father for that matter... have any relatives there."

 

Simon can feel the color draining from his face.

 

"You don't need to tell us. And neither does Jonah. It's fine. We... We kind of can imagine what he's been going through. I just wanna tell you this: If Jonah moves in here, he has to end his old life. Period. Understood?"

 

"Yes, Dad.", Simon answers seriously.

 

"You don't need to tell him that I told you that. Tell him yourself. Make him listen. I gotta feeling he will listen to you, and to you only."

 

Simon looks over at his mother whose face reflects nothing but empathy and also sadness.

 

"I'll try."

 

"Good. Will you be going out tonight?", his mother asks, getting more comfortable on the couch now that the serious talk is over apparently.

 

"No, we'll play some video games or watch a movie in my room."

 

"Okay. Have a nice evening, dear."

 

Simon wishes them also a good night and walks over to his room. On the way there he prays that Jonah will agree to his plans, that he will stay here with his parents, even after spring break. Here, where it's safe. Where he doesn't have to meet up with pervy strangers called "Josh". His heart races at the thought of Josh lying on top of Jonah's fragile body, slamming into him mercilessly, making him suck his dick, using him for his own needs. Abusing him.

 

Simon clenches his fist and punches the wall next to him so hard, his knuckles start to bleed. Also, his little outburst left a few bloody marks on the white wall. _Goddammit._ He makes a u-turn, heading for the guest bathroom. He cleans up his hand, which is hurting like hell right now, wets a towel and rubs the wall clean. He sighs deeply, shakes his head violently, his hair whirling around him. He checks his wounded hand one last time before entering his room.

 

He is greeted with a very adorable view. Jonah lying on his bed, scribbling something in a little notebook.

 

"Hey!", he says, closing the door behind him, taking a small water bottle out of his closet and slumping down next to his friend.

 

"Hey.", Jonah answers, closing his notebook so that Simon cannot take a peek.

 

"What are you writing?", he asks and opens the bottle.

 

"Journal entry. Gotta keep track.", Jonah answers rather abruptly.

 

"Oh, that's nice." Simon takes a gulp out of his water bottle.

 

Jonah sits up, watching him. He puts the notebook and pencil away, his eyes completely fixed on the taller man.

 

"Hey, Simon?"

 

"Hm?" Still drinking.

 

"You wanna have sex?"

 

Water. Everywhere. In Simon's nose, throat, on the bed, on his shirt. Coughing. More coughing. Chocking.

 

Jonah bursts out laughing. A lovely, cheerful and genuine laugh.

 

"Dude, chill! It was just a joke!", he says in between his laughs. He pats Simon a few times on the back, helping him calm down.

 

_Thank you, Jonah. Really. Thank you a lot. Way too many images in my head right now._

 

After a few seconds, Simon has got his breath back. He puts the water bottle on his nightstand and lets himself fall onto the pillow.

 

"Man... You almost gave me a heart attack."

 

_I see me kissing you. Fiercely. Wildly. I'm running my hands through your hair._

 

Jonah lies down next to him, just like this morning. Chest to chest. Face to face. Looking into each other's eyes.

 

_I trail kisses down your neck. You moan, hiss and start panting. You arch your back, longing for more._

 

"Simon?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Why are you so nice to me?"

 

_Is that a legit question?_

 

"I mean... I said so many terrible things during our fight. I.... I never thought you would forgive me."

 

_I undress you. First your shirt. I pull it over your head and mess up your hair. Your bangs fall into your blue eyes. You stare at me. Eyes half-closed. Lips parted. Cheeks flushed. An embarrassed and shy glance hits me deeply in my heart. You look stunning. Amazing. I want to make you mine. I want to make you feel good._

"I also said a lot of horrific things, Jonah. It took two to break up this friendship."

 

"Is it?"

 

"Broken? No, I don't think so. It doesn't feel like it."

 

"I have the same feeling."

 

_I hover my body over yours. I am afraid to crush you, break your bones, if I let my weight fall onto your fragile and slim figure. You whisper my name. I take your nipples between my teeth, biting them gently. You moan and bite down on your lower lip. I lick and suck around it, and then move over to the other one, repeating my actions._

"Simon?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Thank you. For caring. For giving us a chance. And for letting me stay here with you."

 

_I make my way down south, but not without devouring every piece of skin possible. I reach your pants. I touch your crotch, massaging you through the fabric and again I gain moans and hisses from you. Your cries of pleasure fill the room, making me hard instantly. Your voice sparks something in me, a fire I thought never existed. I pull down your pants just enough to free you. I wrap my hand around the base and begin to move it up and down slowly._

"I know we were so young back then in junior high, but I'm sure that I loved you even then. When you told me that you were going to move away, to some boarding high school, I was crushed beyond imagination. I thought I was going to lose you forever. And I kind of did."

 

Jonah's honest words sting a dagger into Simon's heart.

 

"I am sorry, Jonah. I never intended on hurting you. I was just so focused on my own dreams."

 

"I get that. And I don't blame you."

 

_When you begin to writhe more and more under me, I take you into my mouth. At first, I suck gently at the top, covering it completely with my saliva, letting you slide out with a pop. I keep on jerking you off while my lips are wrapped tightly around your cock. I start bopping my head, speeding up the pace gradually. I feel you wriggle and thrust your hips into my mouth._

Simon scoots closer. Now that he has Jonah so close again, lying next to him, taking in his sweet scent, he can't really grasp why he didn't see it sooner. There are some very strong and intense feelings for Jonah deeply locked up inside of him. He always thought it was their soul-mate-like friendship, but maybe it was more. It definitely is now.

 

_I feel your fingers digging into my hair, pulling on it gently, and I know you are close. I take you all in, so that you hit the back of my throat with every thrust or bopping of my head. I send you over the edge and you shout out in pure pleasure, having finally reached your climax. I swallow your sweet juice and lick my lips, enjoying every bit of it. You grab my shoulders and pull me up again, kissing me passionately, wanting to feel the taste of yourself in my mouth. You break the kiss. You stare at me mesmerized, panting, satisfied. And then you whisper two words into my ear that I've been yearning to hear you speak._

He suddenly has no control over his body when, after having gazed into each other's eyes for a while in complete silence, Jonah is suddenly kissing him, deeply and passionately. Like the night before. But this time, Simon has no plans to back away. Tonight he wants to feel Jonah's skin on his. Wants to be buried inside of him, wants to give him pleasure, wants his lips pressed against his.

 

Jonah breaks the kiss. He stares at Simon mesmerized, panting, longing visible in his eyes. He leans in even closer, his lips right next to Simon's ear. And then he whispers two sinful words into his ear. Words that Simon has never thought would spark a certain fire inside of him.

 

"Take me."


	10. Chapter 9 - Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Rated NC-17, smut, graphic sexual content  
> A/N: Jonah's time in Sacramento. A serious talk. Jonah's POV. Time jumps.

Simon is loving, tender and gentle during their lovemaking. Although, at this stage in their relationship, Jonah doesn't really want to call it like that. He is very certain about his own feelings, but he feels that Simon is still confused about his. He has just broken up with his boyfriend for crying out loud. Of course, this is happening too fast. Of course, they haven't talked about anything yet. Not the past, not their fight, not the present, not their feelings.

 

However, Jonah doesn't care right now. He is aware of all these problems but he is kissing Simon. He cannot focus on anything else. He wants to enjoy their intimate moments while they last. He's not sure when Simon is going to wake up and smell the reality. Something just overcame him and he had to kiss his friend. One more time. Feeling his body against his. And luckily for Jonah, Simon doesn't push him away this time. He embraces Jonah, holds him in his arms while placing small and gentle kisses on his face, lips, jaw and neck.

 

They change their position, so that Simon is lying on top of Jonah, hovering his hands over Jonah's skinny body. They are still kissing, not needing a break. Jonah's roaming his hands over Simon's back, gripping him tightly, not wanting to let go. Simon's hands start to put pressure on his skin, releasing a bunch of emotions in Jonah. The taller man's hand wander southward, reaching his crotch. This small and actually meant-to-be-loving gesture oddly enough startles Jonah so much that he pushes Simon off of him and sits up.

 

He rubs the back of his hand over his lips and stares at Simon's chest.

 

“Jonah… I'm sorry… I…”, Simon begins but halts, apparently not knowing how to go on. “I was just so… caught up in the mom-”

 

That's the moment Jonah straddles Simon, getting comfortable in his friend's lap.  Realization hits him. It was like some strange kind of reflex. The only man who has ever touched him like this, or maybe even kissed him like this, has been Josh. No one else. Simon's touch feels unfamiliar, and that's what startled Jonah a bit. He looks into Simon's worried, big dark brown eyes, and smiles gently, hoping he can take away his friend's fears and concerns.

 

“Jonah…We don't really have to-”

 

“I want you, Simon.”, he interrupts him, meaning every word, kissing his cheeks, hands on around his neck. He wants Simon. Now. Raw. Wild. Passionate. He wants to please Simon. He is going to do that, the one thing he has always been good at.

 

Jonah pulls down the taller man's pants and briefs, just enough to free Simon's hard cock. Then he works on his own sweats and briefs, taking them off completely. Simon's eyes widen in surprise when Jonah positions him in front of his entrance. He is about to sit down, when Simon grabs him tightly.

 

“Jonah, stop!”, he shouts, panting, a shocked expression on his face. “Condom!”

 

Jonah looks at him curiously but then nods smiling. Simon points to his drawer, Jonah takes out one package, rips it open and rolls it onto Simon's length. After that, nothing can stop him from giving Simon pleasure. He pushes himself onto the other man, and starts riding him, slowly at first and gradually speeding up his movements.

 

Quiet moans, hisses and pants fill the room, Jonah holding onto Simon's upper chest, his arms around his neck, and Simon gripping his hips and supporting the smaller man. Jonah's heart races at the sensation of Simon filling him, being buried inside of him. He starts moving faster, and faster, pulling all out of Simon before pushing back on forcefully. They both come almost at the same time, Jonah releasing himself against Simon's chest, and Simon screaming out his orgasm, which is muffled by him pressing his mouth into Jonah's shoulder.

 

“Was it good?”, Jonah asks, panting heavily, after they have calmed down a bit.

 

“Yes… fuck yes…”, Simon answers, chuckling.

 

“Good.”

 

A content grin spreads on Jonah's lips as he unmounts the other man and gets dressed again.

 

“I think we need new shirts.”, Simon says, taking off his cum-spilled shirt and throwing it to the ground.

 

“Uhm… Yes, I think so.”, Jonah stutters and walks over to his backpack, taking out a fresh shirt. “I'm gonna… take a quick shower if you don't mind.”

 

“No, not at all.”, Simon answers, tossing away the used condom into the bin, his back to Jonah. “Can I join you?”

 

“I… I'll be quick.”, is the only answer Jonah can think of and closes the bathroom door. He leans against the door and exhales deeply. He takes off his shirt and then looks at himself in the mirror, long and thorough. Scars on his chest, abdomen and back. Small cigarette burns. Bruises from a week ago that haven't healed yet. He swallows hard, letting out a deep breath.

 

He is not ready to show Simon how broken and bruised he really is.

 

~***~

 

The next two days are filled with laughter and happy new memories to feed on later. Tuesday they visit the Mendocino National Forest. They go hiking, stroll around the nature, laughing and spotting an animal here and there. Simon takes a bunch of selfies with his phone, forcing Jonah to join him in doing stupid faces and poses. They have brought along sandwiches, some fruits and enough water to stay in the forest all day long.

 

They make a small picnic by Lake Pilsbury, taking in the beautiful landscape and scenery. While they are enjoying their sandwiches, Simon sit a bit away from Jonah, leaving some space between them.

 

“I don't bite.”, Jonah finally says and Simon looks up wide-eyed.

 

“Oh… No, it's not that… I just… I wanted to…”, he stutters, looking everywhere now but not at Jonah. “I just wanted to give you some space.”

 

Jonah can't help but chuckle at that statement. Maybe it's because of last night that Simon has been a bit more distant than the last few days. It's his fault. He shouldn't have backed away. Jonah feels Simon slipping away again and decided to do something about that. So, he pushes their water bottles, which lie between them, aside and scoots closer, their shoulders touching now.

 

“See? Still not biting.”, he states, making Simon smile. “Well, at least, not now…”, he adds in a lower voice, pecking his friend on the cheek. “Thanks for the trip, Simon. I really enjoy spending time with you.”

 

“Sure. You're welcome.” An obvious blush lights up on Simon's cheeks.

 

“I know you still have to think about a lot of things, and come clean with your feelings. Just want you to know, that whatever you decide, I hope we can at least still be friends. I am willing to give us another shot.”

 

Jonah doesn't know himself where these thoughts have just come from, but they are heartfelt and honest. He loves Simon, yes, but if he doesn't love Jonah back, if this all has just been a way for Simon to be sure about his feelings, then Jonah will understand. It won't be easy going back to just being friends, after Jonah has experienced things he has been dreaming of for so long, but he will try. He just doesn't want to lose Simon. Not as a lover, not as a friend.

 

The rest of the day is spent with a quick dive in the lake, relaxing in the sun afterward and then hiking back to the car. When they arrive at home, late in the evening, Jonah falls into Simon's bed, tired, exhausted, but happy that he got to spend such an awesome time with his friend. Simon soon joins him, curls up next to him, wrapping an arm around Jonah's waist, and they both fall asleep like that withing minutes.

 

The next day the pack up their things and drive down to San Francisco and it turns out to be one hell of a trip. Their first stop is the famous Pier 39 where they actually see some see lions sunbathing; they take a walk down Lombard Street, taking in the beautiful and colorful scenery surrounding them; they visit the aquarium at the California Academy of Sciences; in the late afternoon they end up at Super Duper Burger's, where you can apparently find the best burgers ever made.

 

 Jonah has never been to San Francisco, so Simon shows him around, tells him all the little anecdotes and stories surrounding this colorful and cheerful city.

 

“You wanna know something…uhm… dirty?”, Simon asks at one point as they are strolling through the Golden Gate Park. “There is an annual Masturbate-a-thon. It's for charity. And the current record is 10 hours.”

 

“Holy shit!”, Jonah exclaims. “How does this even work?”

 

“Don't ask me.” He leans over, nuzzling Jonah's ear. “Me, I just have to look at you and I could come right here. Right now. Wouldn't take me 10 seconds.”

 

This time around, it's Jonah whose cheeks turn red at once at that statement. Simon is a bite more self-confident today, a little bit cocky even. He even holds Jonah's hand sometimes throughout the day, squeezing it gently from to time. And right now, he is totally exaggerating. Jonah doesn't like to think of himself as the type of guy other guys, especially hot guys like his friend, swoon over. However, he accepts the compliment; on the outside he plays the cool one and punches his friend jokingly in the arm.

 

They are on the drive home, when Simon's phone goes off. He tells Jonah to check it.

 

“It's Shayne. You want me to read it for you?”

 

Simon nods and Jonah opens the message.

 

**Sh: yo, doofus, i'm already in Sacramento, visiting my uncle and aunt.**

**Sh: i can be at your place tomorrow around noon**

**Sh: cu then :)**

 

“Perfect!”, Simon says excitedly. “I gotta prepare everything before he arrives. Gotta go shopping. You wanna come along tomorrow or do you wanna sleep in? I really gotta buy a bunch of Sour Patch Kids. He loves them!”

 

Jonah smiles at Simon's enthusiasm and excitement to see his friend again. He looks out of the window. Weird. His stomach suddenly hurts a bit.

 

They arrive in Sacramento at around 8:30 pm. They quickly say hi to Simon's parents, tell them shortly about their day and head for Simon's room. It's become kind of a habit that Jonah takes a shower first, already getting ready for bed, and then it's Simon's turn. One hour later they are both relaxing, Jonah watching a movie while Simon is quite occupied with planning out the day with Shayne.

 

“We gotta order Thai, cause Shayne loves Thai and spicy food. And then we could play some Mario Kart and Super Mario Bros on my new Wii. And later we gotta go for a swim in the pool. Shayne used to be on the swimming club at my college, a really good one…” Simon pauses, which makes Jonah glance at him. “…but he hurt his arm last summer. And his swimming career was over. He could have become an Olympic swimmer. He holds the record for the fastest 100m freestyle nationwide. Some scouts were already on to him, but… yeah, well, life sucks sometimes.”  


“No shit.” Jonah doesn't even notice that he has said that out loud. Must have slipped.

 

Simon apparently hasn't heard his remark or he chooses to ignore it.

 

“Simon?” Jonah mutes the television and walks over to Simon who is sitting on his bed, taking notes and writing a shopping list.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Tell me about your life.”

 

Only now does Simon put aside his notes and pencil and turns around to face Jonah.

 

“What do you wanna know?”

 

“What your life was like. After you left. After our fight. Did you feel lonely? Did you make new friends quickly?” Jonah pauses for a moment, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

 

“Did you miss me at all?”

 

Simon shifts so that he sits next to Jonah now, leaning against the bedhead.

 

“Yes, I did. A lot, actually. I missed my best friend.”

 

Jonah flinches slightly at that but other than that doesn't move.

 

“The first year at that boarding school was really tough on me. You know how shy and self-conscious I was back then. It felt strange. I was quite lonely. High school was actually a really bad time for me. I barely made acquaintances. Colleagues. I was stressed out, I couldn't keep up with my team mates in our swimming team, my grades were not so good. I began doubting whether I really belonged here. If it had been the right decision to leave everything and everyone behind for a dream I apparently would never achieve.”

 

“Sorry to hear that. I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“It wouldn't have mattered. You wouldn't have changed my mind. And around that time of our fight it got a bit better. I got new team mates. I trained harder. I pulled myself together. I focused on what was important, and that was my dream. Swimming. Being free. And so I didn't mind having no friends, as long as I was able to swim. I kept on moving forward. And then I graduated. I got into the university I wanted, and everything changed from there on. Suddenly I had a bunch of people supporting me, who wanted to hang out with. Me and Shayne, we hit it off almost right away.”

 

“He's a bit older, right?”

 

“One year. He showed me around on my first day at the university. We bonded over our love for swimming and we have the same kind of humor. I stopped hiding. He was nice to me and wanted to be my friend.”

 

“I didn't know that you had such a hard time, Simon.”, Jonah muttered. That weird feeling in his stomach intensified times a hundred. Yet this time out of guilt and not jealousy. “But I'm glad you're doing okay now. And I can't wait to meet your new best friend. I bet it's gonna be a fun day tomorrow.”

 

Jonah leans back and rests his head against Simon's shoulder.

 

“Yes, I'm also very excited for you to meet Shayne.”, Simon adds, slinging an arm around Jonah's waist. “And Jonah?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I have enough friends already. All I need now, is someone to love.”

 

Jonah smiles. It's not really a love confession, but it will do for now.


	11. Chapter 10 - Broken Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Jonah and Jo talk. Jonah reveals something about himself to Simon. Split-screen POV.

"NO! Don't you dare, dude!"

 

Simon smirks.

 

"You will not stop me!"

 

Simon's evil laugh echoes throughout the living room.

 

"SIMON USED BLUE SHELL!"

 

Shayne watches as a blue thingy flies over Bowser and crashes down on him.

 

"NO! YOU BITCH!"

 

"IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

 

And that's the moment Yoshi passes Bowser and takes the first place. Game over.

 

Shayne drops his controller, throws his hands up in the air and lets himself fall backwards on the floor.

 

"You have defeated me... I thought... you were my friend...", he croaks, right in the middle of a fake-death.

 

"Bitch, you know I won't go easy on you, just because you're older than me!"

 

"You should, though.", Shayne replies and sits up again. "You know... I have a few more swimming tricks left in storage, and I was about to teach them to you... but since you don't have the decency to at least let me win in a – what I can just call – unfair and deceitful game of Mario Kart-"

 

"No! Please!" Simon kneels in front of Shayne and makes a few bows. "I AM NOT WORTHY! PLEASE TEACH ME SENPAI!"

 

"You are so lucky that the weather in California is as it is. And that you got a pool."

 

Shayne stands up in a flash and runs outside.

 

"What are you waiting for, doofus!", Simon can hear him yell and only seconds later a loud splashing noise follows.

 

Simon bursts out laughing and looks over at Jonah, who has been sitting on the couch, playing Pokemon on Simon's old Gameboy Advance SP. Not laughing. He has been pretty quiet and didn't want to play with him and Shayne, explaining that he doesn't really know how to play and that he didn't want to spoil their fun.

 

"You coming, too?", he asks and Jonah glances at him, shaking his head slowly.

 

"Later maybe. Gotta get out of Rock Tunnel first."

 

"Okay. We'll be in the pool."

 

He gets up and kisses the top of his head gently, rubbing a hand over his back.

 

"Okay.", is Jonah's one-word answer. Simon has been getting a lot of those all day long. He's about to ask Jonah what's going on but then he hears Shayne calling his name.

 

"Simon! Come on!"

 

"I'll be right there, just a sec!" He turns his attention back to the boy in front him. "If you need swimming trunks, I got some in the top drawer in my room. It's the one right next to my closet."

 

"Got it."

 

Two words. Okay then. Simon leaves Jonah alone for now and decides to have fun with Shayne. It wouldn't be fair since Shayne has had a long drive and went through a lot of trouble to pay him a visit. He dashes outside and jumps head first into the pool, swim-diving almost all the way through the other end of the pool.

 

"So, what about those tricks?", Simon asks, coming to the surface, gasping for air.

 

"First – a race. Then – training.", Shayne answers and swims over to him.

 

Simon pulls himself out of the pool and takes his position at the edge of the pool, soon joined by Shayne who is standing next to him now.

 

"Ready!", Shayne shouts and both of them bend down. "Set! Go!"

 

It's quite a close race with Simon and Shayne hitting the pool wall at the end at almost the same time. Simon has not put all of his energy into that swim, knowing just too well that Shayne's shoulder wouldn't have handled it well.

 

The two friends spend the next two hours jumping in and out of the pool. Shayne shows Simon a few new techniques and tricks, one being how to hold your breath properly and take longer and more precise strokes. Then they start a water blaster game, with Shayne winning this one by far. The moment he throws Simon into the pool, is also the moment Jonah joins them. Simon's face immediately lights up when he sees the boy approaching them. He's wearing Simon's blue swimming trunks and a light blue tee.

 

"Jonah! Come on in! The water is great!"

 

The other boy comes closer and plops down on the stone ground at the edge of the pool, letting his legs slide into the cool water. Simon swims over to him, positions himself in front of him, kicks off the ground and gives him a quick peck on the lips before gravity pulls him back into the pool again.

 

"Is everything alright?", he asks worriedly, noticing that the cheerful shimmer in Jonah's eyes that has been there for the past few days, somehow has faded away.

 

"It's nothing. I...I don't feel so good. Maybe I'm coming down with something." Jonah leans down and places a loving kiss on Simon's cheek. "You have fun, okay? Don't worry about me."

 

"Are you sure? You wanna lie down? Do you need some pain killers?" Still worried. Even more so.

 

"No, Simon, it's really fine."

 

"Hey! What's up lovebirds? Doofus! Don't you want revenge?", Shayne shouts over to them. "I can even fight against both of you. I'm gonna win either way." He lets out a fake-evil laugh.

 

Simon looks over to his friend and joins his laugh.

 

"No, it's just me and you. Let's do this!"

 

And the fight goes on with both of them chasing each other with their water blasters and Jonah watching them, from time to time letting out a quiet squeak whenever Shayne is about to win and almost manages to push Simon into the pool.

 

"DIE!", he shouts, shoving a bit harder now, yet Simon is putting all of his strength into a counter attack and actually is able to throw Shayne to the ground.

 

"VICTORY!", he exclaims triumphantly, placing a foot on Shayne's chest and throwing his arms up in the air.

 

"Okay, okay! You win, I lo-" Shayne's voice breaks as he suddenly screams out in pain. "Fuck!"

 

Simon immediately is on his knees, his smile replaced by a worried expression.

 

"Shayne!"

 

Shayne sits up while grabbing his left shoulder tightly.

 

"Fucking shoulder...", he curses under his breath. "It's okay. I must have landed on a small rock or something."

 

He begins to rub his shoulder, trying to massage the pain away.

 

"It's burning hot!", Simon notices after having placed a hand on Shayne's pain region. "Come on, you gotta cool it.", he suggests and helps him get up carefully.

 

"Stay here.", he can hear Jonah's voice say, suddenly very close now. Simon turns around and sees him standing not a foot away. "I'll get the ice bag. You sit down."

 

And off he is, running inside the house.

 

~***~

 

"You won't find the good ice cream in there."

 

Jonah smiles at hearing Jo's voice and looks behind him to find her standing there, arms crossed, grinning.

 

"Welcome back.", he says, taking out the ice bag and scanning the kitchen for a dishtowel. "When did you get back?"

 

"About half an hour ago." Jo seems to know what he's looking for and walks over to a drawer. "Here." She hands him the towel. "Who's hurt?"

 

"Shayne. It's his shoulder."

 

"Oh, Shayne is here?", Jo's face lightens up more, if that's even possible. "Gotta say hi!"

 

Jonah wraps the ice bag in the towel.

 

"Hey. Why the gloomy face?", she suddenly asks, making Jonah jump slightly.

 

"I'm not gloomy."

 

"Sure.", Jo answers sarcastically, coming closer now and hugging him. "Hello, by the way."

 

"Hi.", Jonah says and breaks the embrace. "Would you mind bringing Shayne the ice bag?"

 

Jo narrows her eyes, looking him up and down.

 

"Something is up, and you're gonna tell me." She takes the ice bag from Jonah's hand. "You. Go. My room. I'll be right there."

 

Normally, Jonah would resist or talk back. Or maybe not. Who knows. He has never been confronted with a self-confident teenager version of Simon's younger sister. Anyway, right now, he can really need a friend to talk to. So, he just nods and starts walking to her room. He opens the door and plops down in front of her bed, leaning against the frame, and waits for her to come back.

 

While he is sitting there by himself his mind drifts off to that kiss Simon gave him in the pool. It was quick, and wet, for obvious reasons, and it almost felt like they did it every day. It felt familiar, and good. Something, Jonah has always wanted. But now, that it is finally happening, now that Simon apparently is slowly beginning to show his true feelings for him, Jonah is doubting everything.

 

A few more minutes pass before the door finally opens and Jo appears.

 

"How's Shayne's shoulder?", Jonah asks at once, concerned.

 

She plops down next to him.

 

"He's gonna be fine. He just strained it too much."

 

"That's a relief."

 

Jo nudges his shoulder.

 

"So, spill! What's up?"

 

Jonah sighs, not knowing where to begin.

 

"You like Simon, right?", she asks when Jonah doesn't say anything.

 

Nodding.

 

"Did something happen? Did you have a fight?"

 

Shaking his head.

 

"Did he say something to offend you?"

 

Shaking his head.

 

"JONAH!"

 

Jonah jumps.

 

"I'm not sure what it is. Shayne is a really nice guy. And he is friendly to me. And you can see that he and Simon are really close friends."

 

"Got it. So, that's what bothers you."

 

Looking confused at Jo.

 

"Dude, you are jealous."

 

"That can't be it. Simon is not interested in Shayne. And Shayne isn't even gay!"

 

Jo chuckles.

 

"No, that's not the point. You're jealous because Simon has been spending all day long with Shayne and not with you. Isn't that so? Isn't that what happened today? I know my brother. When Shayne's involved, nothing else seems to count. Shayne is Simon's top priority."

 

"Yes, maybe. Could be. I mean... they were playing Mario Kart and Smashing Brothers-"

 

"Super Smash Bros."

 

"Whatever. I didn't want to spoil their fun, so I just watched them having fun on their own. I didn't want to ruin Simon's day with his best friend."

 

"And that's why you didn't say anything?"

 

"Yes."

 

"And didn't play with them in the pool?"

 

"How do you know?"

 

"You are not wet at all."

 

"Oh."

 

"Jonah, I'm not sure that's what Simon wants."

 

What Simon wants. Did he read the signs wrong? What does Simon want? Did he let him down? What was he supposed to do? He saw two friends, reunited, fooling around, having insider jokes Jonah couldn't understand, playing games Jonah couldn't participate in, swimming in the pool...

 

"Seems like I'm doing everything wrong since I've arrived.", he mentions, staring at the ground.

 

"Mom and Dad told me that you're living here now. In the guest room?"

 

"No, actually, I sleep in Simon's room. I don't have a lot of stuff. It's all in my backpack."

 

"You don't have more stuff?"

 

"No. I didn't need that much, you know, traveling around the country, you don't need-" Jonah bites his tongue. Fuck. "I mean... I didn't need that much when I came here... I left my things at my uncle's...I was gonna sleep at my Mom's... but..."

 

"Jonah. Stop.", Jo interrupts him.

 

Jonah wants to break out into tears when he sees Jo's knowing look. He already can feel a strange shivery feeling running up and down his spine. Hot and cold. His stomach churns. Tears start to form, blurry vision. She knows. He doesn't know how, goddammit, his big mouth. Maybe she has figured it out just now. He buries his face in the space between his knees and chest, sobbing now.

 

"It's okay.", he hears Jo say and feels her hand on his back, rubbing it gently. "We all know. We won't tell. Promise."

 

She takes him into a hug, and he falls against her shoulder. They stay like this for a while, and since Jonah doesn't seem to calm down any time soon, Jo switches on the TV to distract him. There's a THE OC marathon on one of the channels, so they sit, cuddled up against each other, a light blanket around them, and watch in silence, some giggles tearing through the depressed atmosphere from time to time. Nothing is said for the next hours.

 

It's close to midnight when suddenly the door creaks open and Simon's head pops inside.

 

"Hey.", he greets them quietly. "Have you seen-" He stops mid-sentence when he notices Jonah.

 

"Hey.", Jo and Jonah reply almost simultaneously.

 

"Uhm... I'm going to bed. Are you coming?", apparently directing his question at his friend.

 

Jonah nods slowly, frees himself from Jo's embrace, bids her goodnight, and leaves the room to follow Simon into his.

 

"I need to take a shower to wash off the chlorine.", Simon says, picks up some clothes and opens the door to his bathroom. "Don't leave. Wait here, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

While Jonah can hear the shower running, he strolls around Simon's room, taking a closer look at certain things he hasn't noticed yet. Simon has a picture wall. There are mainly pictures of him alone, and it seems like he has taken the pictures himself. Alone in front of his school. Alone in his dorm room. Alone at an indoor swimming pool. Alone in a forest. Alone in a city. There is a picture here and there of Simon with his family on Christmas, but these seem to be older ones. Simon is way younger in those pictures. Every other picture is just Simon and some random background. He must have really been alone. Jonah is about to walk on when something catches his eye. There is a picture he hasn't seen before, since it's hiding under another one. He grabs the corner and pulls.

 

He smiles sadly and turns the picture around to check if Simon has written something on the back.

 

_Jonah and I. Last summer together. August 2001. :(_

 

It was indeed an amazing summer. They tried to pack everything they wanted to do in that one month. They went hiking, spent a lot of time at the beach, even went to Disneyland for a day, had even more sleepovers, went camping. Jonah still loves thinking about that summer.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Jonah whirls around, the picture still in his hand.

 

"I was just... looking at some pictures."

 

Simon's wet bangs cover half of his face. He's dressed in a black shirt and some black Calvin Klein briefs. Jonah has difficulty forming his next words.

 

"I... you... nice pictures."

 

"They're shit.", Simon scoffs and walks over to Jonah, taking him in a hug. "So often I just wanted to tear this picture wall down. It reminds me of the bad stuff. But I never seem to find the time to do it."

 

He releases Jonah from the embrace, takes him by the hand and leads him to the bed.

 

"Which picture were you looking at?", Simon asks, sitting down and taking the little piece of paper out of Jonah's hand. He takes a quick look at it and puts it away. No comment? No reaction?

 

"Is Shayne gone?" It has been bothering Jonah all the time. He needs to know if they are alone again.

 

"No, he's sleeping in the guestroom. He's too tired to drive and he had a few beers."

 

"Oh, okay."

 

"Jonah, is everything alright? You are acting really strange today."

 

Jonah goes around the bed and slumps down on it, putting some distance between him and Simon.

 

"The last few days have been really nice.", he begins, looking down, his back to the other boy. "It's been nice, spending all that time with you. It was like we were back in junior high. I don't think that I've laughed so much in the last three years than I have in the last two days."

 

"Jonah..."

 

"I want to thank you for that." Jonah halts and risks a quick glance in Simon's direction. He is being watched closely. "But I don't think I can live here with you."

 

"Why not?"

 

This is not going to be easy. Jonah knows how badly Simon wants to help him, that he has talked to his parents so he could stay until Simon leaves for Florida again.

 

"I don't think...I'm not sure if we..."

 

It's difficult to say these words out loud. It makes the whole twinkly and peaceful illusion of his reality vanish in the blink of an eye.

 

"I was watching you today. How you treated Shayne and vice versa. You have changed, Simon. A lot. Not in a bad way!", Jonah adds quickly, guessing that his words might have hurt Simon just now. "You are more confident, you know what you want. You are not scared to state your opinion. You can be serious but you can also have fun and laugh. You live a brand new life in a different, shiny and bright world. You can be whoever you want to be. In this world you are accepted and you have friends like Shayne who support you no matter what. There is simply no room for me." He pauses and swallows the lump in his throat. "You deserve better. You should make up with your boyfriend, and forget me. Who would want to play with a broken toy, anyway."

 

The mattress under him is suddenly moving, signalizing that Simon is coming closer. He is ready to dodge Simon's touch, but something inside him wants to feel his arms around his body one more time. He wants to feel him entirely, wants to stroke his hair, brush his head against Simon's, feel the weight of the other boy's body against his own. He wants to kiss him one last time.

 

"Jonah."

 

Simon's voice is right behind him, and then he feels his hand on his shoulders, rubbing him, massaging him through the thin fabric of his shirt. He pulls him closer, muscular arms slinging around his chest, holding him. Not letting go.

 

"What?"

 

"Can you please stop talking such bullshit?"

 

Jonah frowns at that comment. Obviously, he is not being taken seriously.

 

"Simon, I mean it! You don't know half of what I've been through."

 

"Then enlighten me. Tell me."

 

"You don't wanna know, believe me."

 

Simon lets go of him only to whirl him around, so that they look at each other now.

 

"I want to know.", he says seriously.

 

Jonah scoffs. Actually, why not. Maybe then Simon will understand that they simply don't belong together. He scoots a bit away from Simon and then takes off his shirt.

 

There is a longer pause where neither one of them speaks. Simon stares, lips slightly parted, brows furrowed, at Jonah's chest and stomach. Then Jonah turns around to show the rest of his scars, bruises and wounds.

 

"I got some on my back, too."

 

No comment. No reaction. Simon stays silent. Jonah knew it all along. With a body like this, it wasn't easy to lure in customers. Thankfully, Josh has never cared about that fact. He was just different from everyone else.

 

"This one-" Jonah points to a scar on his shoulder blade. "-I got from a fight with an older man. He didn't want to pay me after I blew him and so he rammed a knife in there. And that one-" He turns around again and runs a finger over a longer scar on his chest. "-was from a mugging a year ago. They stole all the money I got from Josh two days earlier. I told him that the next time we met and he scolded me for not calling him. He made me stay for one week and paid double."

 

Still no comment. No reaction.

 

"The small wounds are cigarette burns. Those happened in the beginning, before I met Josh. I met that guy with a weird kink. He said he'd pay me more than usual if I let him inflict some pain on me. I told him to only do that on my chest, so I could hide my scars."

 

Another round of Simon not saying anything.

 

"I can go on and on. I have a story for every scar and bruise, also the ones that have already healed and are not visible anymore. Look at my body, Simon, and then take a look at yours. We are not the same. I've seen it today, and hopefully, you see it now, too."

 

Silence.

 

"Yeah. I thought so." Jonah puts his shirt back on, avoiding Simon's eyes. "I really thought we had a chance, I would have loved that. But I am too broken and fucked up for you, Simon. I am a prisoner in my own body. I will never be really free from all the bad memories, they will always haunt me. And I don't want them to haunt you, too. I want you to stay free from all of that."

 

Jonah meets Simon's eyes. One more time. One more look into those dark brown sparkling eyes.

 

"I just want you to know that I love you, Simon. I honestly do, with all my heart. I always have. I want you to be happy, and if that means that I need to leave you, then I wi-"

 

Simon's lips are warm, and soft, and slightly trembling, as they press against Jonah's. He invades Jonah's mouth, devouring him, caressing his tongue, together dancing a passionate dance. Jonah leans into the kiss. This is what he wanted. One last kiss.

 

They break the kiss a few seconds later, both panting, both in need of air. Their foreheads rest against each other, Simon's hands cupping Jonah's face.

 

"Didn't you hear me the first time?", Simon breathes out. "I said, stop talking such bullshit."

 

He pulls Jonah into a tight and loving embrace, digging his fingers into his shirt.

 

"I am not letting you go. No more bad memories, you hear me? No more scars. No more bruises. You have me now. I won't let anyone touch you. Jonah? You hear me?", Simon exclaims, sounding frustrated and angry.

 

"You still want me?", Jonah asks in pure disbelief, tears running down his face. "But... I'm broken... A broken boy... Nobody would want a broken toy..."

 

" ** _I_** want you, Jonah.", Simon interrupts Jonah's whimpered and sad words. "And I'm gonna fix you."


	12. Chapter 11 - Don't Forget Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A rough day for Jonah. Simon's POV.

Jonah has been quiet all morning. Simon is sure that something is bothering him but he is too afraid to ask. He doesn't want to annoy Jonah with his pestering. Maybe Jonah just needs some time for himself. After all, a lot has happened in the last two weeks. They have basically become a couple now. Boyfriends. Simon has enjoyed every single second of being together and spending time with Jonah.

 

They have met up with Marty and Laser a couple of times. They would come by the house, talk, play games – games that also Jonah could play – and just have fun. Simon also would teach Jonah how to cook some of his favorite vegan meals. Jonah turned out to be not such a great fan of vegan food, so Simon had to come up with something different. In the end, they ordered pizza (one normal one, and one vegan one) and ate ice cream (again, and one normal vanilla flavored ice cream and one vegan chocolate flavored ice cream).

 

There were no tears, just a lot of laughter, a lot of talking until sunrise, and also a lot of kissing and making out. Simon wanted to take it slow after their first sexual encounter and decided to not pressure Jonah into anything. He wanted to gain Jonah's trust first before initiating another intimate moment. He was happy when Jonah was around him, smiling and being happy. This was the most important thing in the world: To make Jonah forget his bad and lonely times.

 

But today, the mood suddenly has changed. Jonah seems pensive, his mind occupied with certain things he won't tell Simon. Not yet, that is. They are in the kitchen, Simon cleaning up after their breakfast. His parents are at work, so he sees no need to turn on the dishwasher. He's standing at the sink, cleaning some plates while Jonah is leaning against the kitchen counter right next to him.

 

“What do you want to do today?”, Simon asks to break the uncomfortable silence. This is driving him nuts.

 

“Why? Have you planned something?”, Jonah asks back, looking at him quizzically.

 

“No, just curious.”

 

_And we're back again with the silence._

 

Five more minutes pass.

 

“Simon? Can I ask you a favor?”

 

Simon dries his hands with a dishtowel and glances at him.

 

“Of course. Shoot.”

 

“I would like you to drive me somewhere. If that's possible…”

 

“Yes, sure. Where do you wanna go?”

 

“My house. I wanna talk to my Mom.”

 

~***~

 

They've been sitting in the car for about 15 minutes now. Simon is grabbing the steering wheel tightly, staring at some imaginary spot in front of him. He doesn't dare to move, he doesn't want to disturb Jonah's trance-like state. It's been completely quiet. Since Simon has parked in front of Mrs. Payne's house, Jonah hasn't moved an inch, hasn't spoken a word. Simon wonders if he should say something, to encourage Jonah to go inside and see his mother. Give her a hug. Tell her that her son is alive and well.

 

“Simon?”

 

He jumps hard at Jonah's words, not having expected something to be said at all.

 

“Yes?”, he answers, quite shaken up.

 

“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.”, Jonah says, looking at Simon with guilty eyes.

 

“It's okay.”, Simon answers, smiles and reaches out for Jonah's hand, but the other boy pulls back.

 

“I'm going inside.”, he mutters and opens the car door, getting out.

 

Simon does the same, locks the car and walks around it to join Jonah. He tries again to take Jonah's hand into his but the boy has already started moving toward the house. Simon follows him, putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans. They stop in front of the door. Jonah hovers his finger over the bell for a while before finally pressing it. Movement can be heard from inside the house, then someone's light steps, someone approaching the door. It opens a bit and Mrs. Payne appears.

 

“Yes?”, she asks, looking a bit terrified.

 

“Mom? It's me.”, Jonah begins, smiling slightly.

 

Jonah's mother looks him up and down, her scared expression not changing.

 

“Jonah. It's Jonah.”, Simon can hear his friend say, a little desperation now audible in his voice.

 

“Jonah…”, she repeats monotonously. “Jonah…”

 

“Yes, it's me, Mom. I'm back.”, Jonah explains and takes a step forward. His mother immediately backs away and is about to shut the door again. Jonah slams his hands against it, pushing it open forcefully. His mother screams in fear and tumbles backwards.

 

“Don't come in!”, she shrieks. “I don't know who you are!”

 

Jonah's face falls at that statement while Simon's eyes widen in shock. What did she just say?

 

“Go! Now! Or I'll call the police!”

 

“Mom…”, he begins but is being interrupted by his mother's sobbing.

 

“No… please…leave!”

 

Simon watches this horrific and terrifying scene play out in front of him and doesn't know how to react. Is he supposed to do something? Can he do something? And if yes, what? Jonah's body seems to have turned into stone, as if he's rooted to the ground. He is not moving, not even the slightest bit. Should he approach him and hug him? Comfort him? But how do you comfort someone who has just lost his mother?

 

“Simon.”, Jonah suddenly says, not turning to look at him. His eyes seem to be fixed on his mother who is crouching now on the floor, still crying her eyes out. “Call an ambulance.”

 

~***~

 

“Nervous breakdown?”, Simon repeats Jonah's words.

 

They are standing in the small waiting room area of the local hospital. Jonah has just finished talking to one of the doctors and has returned to inform Simon about his mother's condition.

 

“Yes. They say the stress, and her depression… all of that…have led to a complete nervous breakdown. She suffers from some sort of amnesia, where the brain tries to protect itself from bad memories… or events… or something like that. I didn't really understand it. They say her memory could come back at some point, but they don't know when that will be.”

 

“Oh my God, Jonah… I'm so sorry.”

 

Simon opens his arms and wants to take Jonah into a hug but Jonah turns around at that very moment, rummaging for his phone.

 

“I… I need to make a call.”, he stutters.

 

“Who are you calling?”

 

“My step-dad.”

 

Simon decides to give his friend some space and sits down a few steps away from Jonah in one of the empty seats. He watches him type in a number and press the phone against his ear. He's chewing on his lower lip, then bringing his free hand up to his mouth and starting to bite his nails.

 

You don't have to be a psychologist to see that Jonah is extremely nervous right now. Simon can only guess how long he and his step-father haven't talked to each other. The other thing he is curious about is the fact that Jonah knows about his father being his step-father. He wonders since when Jonah has known that. They have never had the best relationship. When they were little, Simon would tell Jonah about the activities he had done with his Dad, like camping or going to the zoo. One time his father had brought him to the company, showing him around. Simon remembers that Jonah just smiled and nodded, and when Simon asked him what kind of stuff he would do with his father, Jonah changed the subject immediately. And he never mentioned his father again.

 

Simon's leg is nervously twitching up and down as he watches Jonah talking to his father on the phone. He manages to overhear some snippets from their talk.

 

“…Sacramento…two weeks ago… None of our business!” Then there's a lot of incoherent whisper-shouting, which Simon can't understand. A few sentences later Jonah has seemed to calm down again. “…  I don't know… mental institution maybe… Will you fly down here? … Fine.”

 

Jonah seems to have ended the conversation. He locks his phone and lets out a deep and frustrated breath, groaning annoyed. Simon gets up and joins him again.

 

“Didn't go so well, I guess?”

 

“No. He won't come to Sacramento. Said she was my problem now.”, Jonah tells him and curses under his breath.

 

“What happens now?”

 

“My mother will be transferred to the psych ward for now. They doctors are hoping that she will regain her memory. If this doesn't happen within the next month she will be moved to a mental institution.”

 

Again, Simon doesn't know what to do. He wants to hug Jonah, and tell him that everything's gonna be just fine. Yet he senses that Jonah needs space right now. He has been avoiding Simon's touches all day long. He tries not to take it seriously, since it's been a hell of a day for Jonah, still… It makes him sad to know that he cannot really help Jonah. That he can't show him that he's there for him, no Martyer what.

 

“I wanna go home.”, Jonah mutters, voice low. He sounds worn down, and defeated.

 

“Okay.”

 

They walk side by side to the elevators and take the first one down to the underground garage. They search for Simon's car and get inside. Simon drives while Jonah is staring out the window, seemingly lost in thought. They don't speak during the entire drive, and when they finally arrive at home, Jonah excuses himself at once to Simon's room.

 

It's the first time since Jonah has moved into Simon's room that they eat dinner without him. Jo has come back for the weekend again, joining them. They talk about Jonah's current situation, about his mother and his step-father, and about what Jonah will be doing next.

 

“Well, you can forget child services. Jonah's 18. Technically, he doesn't need a legal guardJonah anymore.”, Simon's father mentions, shoving his empty plate away from him a bit.

 

“But what is he about to do then? He has no degree, he has no job. They can't just not take care of him!”, his mother exclaims angrily. “You tell Jonah that he will always has a home here. You're off to college in two days, he can have your room then. Do not let him leave, you hear me!”

 

“Yes, of course, Mom.”, Simon answers, relieved about his mother's words.

 

“We have to come up with something, though. He needs to get back on his feet. We need to cheer him up and show him that he has our support!”, Jo suggests, holding out her plate to her brother. “Refill please.”

 

Simon puts another big spoon of tuna casserole on her plate.

 

“What do you suggest then?”, he asks, glaring at her for making him her food servant. She grins back.

 

“Well, he could go back to high school, if he wants to do that. Graduate. Go to college maybe. You know him better than anyone else here, Simon. What does he want to do? What does he like?”

 

Simon's cheeks turn red at that question. He is embarrassed to admit that they have never really talked about stuff like that. Yet suddenly, he remembers an almost forgotten conversation.

 

_“What about you? Any plans for the future?”_

_“Well, let's see… I'm not sure. Maybe something with drawing. Maybe college, too. I don't know. My grades kinda suck, and I don't think my parents can afford paying for some high-class fancy arts college. Let alone let me apply to one.”_

 

“Drawing. He likes drawing. But I'm not sure if he is still interested in that.”

 

“Then, Simon, you gotta talk to him about that. Find out what he wants to do with his life. Until then, he can most certainly live here.”

 

Simon thinks about what his mother has just said for a moment. Is Jonah ready to make such important decisions? He basically lost his whole family in one single day, and now he supposed to decide what he is going to do next?

 

“I'm not sure if Jonah already knows.”

 

However, his words are not really heard anymore, since the topic has slightly changed to Jo's school life. Simon cleans up the table, puts the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and says his parents and Jo good night. When he enters his room a couple of minutes later, he finds Jonah lying on his bed, on his stomach, head resting on his arms, eyes closed. A lovely view actually. He looks quite peaceful.

 

“Hey.”, Simon greets him quietly, sitting down next to him on the bed.

 

“Hey.” Jonah tilts his head to look at Simon.

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, if you get hungry, there is a lot of tuna casserole left. And some of my vegan stuff, but I know you don't like that.”

 

Jonah chuckles which makes Simon smile in relief.

 

“Simon?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can you… lie down… next to me?”

 

Jonah has mumbled the question but Simon has heard every single word, loud and clear. He immediately obeys, scooting really close to his friend, putting an arm around the slender man's waist, pulling him closer. He places a kiss on Jonah's forehead and nuzzles his face lovingly.

 

“I'm sorry… for being all weird today.” Jonah's cheeks suddenly feel wet. Simon kisses his tears away.

 

“Jonah, don't apologize. I understand. This must have been one hell of a day for you. I am so sorry about all the things that have happened.”, he assures Jonah, kissing him gently on the lips. “I am here for you. As are my parents and Jo. They said you can live here, in my room, while I'm away in Florida. You can stay as long as you want.”

 

“Simon… I can't accept that…”

 

“You can and you will. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you while I'm gone. You stay here. End of discussion. And tomorrow, we're gonna go to the mall in Sacramento and get you some more clothes.”

 

Simon has actually meant to say _new_ clothes. He hates the clothes Jonah's wearing. They have been a gift from Josh. Simon despises Josh with all his heart. He wants to get rid of Josh. Josh will no longer exist in their lives. Tomorrow will be the end of Josh. Forever.

 

“And I will also show you how my computer works. I'll tell you my password and make sure my webcam is working properly. If not, then we'll have time to buy a new one tomorrow. I'll make sure everything works just fine, so when I'm away we can skype if you feel lonely or of you need me. You'll be able to see me acting all goofy and I'll be able to see you smile and laugh.”

 

This is going to be tough. Simon will be gone for a long time. He won't come back to Sacramento until summer break. Damn. He has to find a way to visit Jonah at least once, at least for one stupid weekend. He is going to miss him a lot. His blue eyes. His messy morning-hair. His slim and fragile figure, hugging him. His small arms around Simon's neck. His lips against Simon's. This is going to be tough as fuck.

 

“And on my last day here, on Saturday, we'll do nothing big. I just wanna be with you one last time before our big break. I want to spend time with you. We can… I don't know… We can watch TV all day for all I care, if that means you lying next to me, or on me. Whatever you wanna do is fine. I wanna make you happy, Jonah. I wanna see you smile. I want to cherish your smile until our next meeting. Which I promise you will come sooner than you think.”

 

Jonah's cheeks are covered by even more tears now. They seem to be endlessly streaming down his face while small sobs and whimpers escape his mouth. He buries his face into Simon's chest, groping his shirt tightly. Simon takes him completely into his arms now, whispering soothing words, rubbing Jonah's back and combing through his hair from time to time.

 

“Thank you, Simon…” A whisper, almost inaudible, loving, tender. “Thank you.”

 

“I'm here, Jonah.”, Simon whispers back. “I won't forget you. I won't abandon you. I am here. Promise.”


	13. Chapter 12 - Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Their last two days together. Jonah's POV.

“Simon? Have you seen my blue shirt?”

 

Jonah is sure he has put it in his backpack. He has emptied the entire content of it onto the floor, but the shirt is nowhere to be seen.

 

“Uhm… No.”

 

That doesn't sound very convincing. Jonah's kneeling on the ground, throwing clothes everywhere. Hold on…

 

“And my gray hoodie is missing!”

 

Simon emerges from the bathroom, just wearing some black briefs, his body glistening from being still a little bit wet after his morning shower. Jonah's jaw drops down at that sight.

 

“Jonah?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You're staring.”

 

Jonah blinks several times and closes his mouth quickly.

  
“Sorry.”

 

“So, what is missing?”, Simon asks, walking over to his closet and taking out a pair of jeans and a shirt.

 

“My hoodie.” Jonah is aware that he sounds a bit whiny, but it's his favorite hoodie. He has had it for almost two years now. “Josh has bought that one for me.”

 

“I'll buy you a new one today.”

 

Simon appears suddenly behind him and kisses him on the cheek.

 

“Okay.”, Jonah answers, defeated.

 

“Why do you even need it? It's like 85F out there!”

 

Jonah nods slowly in agreement, picks up a black tee and stands up, looking around the room, feeling a bit lost.

 

“What is it?”, Simon approaches him again after having gotten dressed.

 

“You don't have to do this, Simon. I don't need that many clothes and stuff.”

 

_I'd be fine wearing your shirts from time to time._

 

“What are you talking about? Of course, you need your own stuff! And I don't wanna hear another word about that, got it?”

 

He's standing in front of Jonah now, kissing him tenderly on the lips. Jonah hides his flushed face behind his long bangs.

 

“And you might wanna consider getting haircut.”, Simon adds, taking his hand and dragging him out of his room.

 

“A haircut? What is wrong with my hair?”

 

“Nothing… I like it. But I can't see your beautiful eyes, your bangs are always in the way.”

 

Simon and his compliments. Jonah will never get used to that. He always blushes and mumbles a quiet “Thank you.” whenever Simon is being friendly and praising Jonah for something.

 

“Okay. I'll think about it.”, he finally answers when they are sitting in Simon's car.

 

Simon turns on the radio, plugging in his phone and putting on some music. He is singing all the way through the drive until they reach the Sacramento Arden Fair. Jonah can't help but laugh out loud, seeing his friend acting all goofy and funny. He has a feeling that he is not hitting the right notes on purpose.

 

After having arrived at the huge mall, Simon leads the way, entering every clothing store and picking up different clothes for Jonah. He gets new jeans, new trousers, new sweatpants, new shirts, new sweaters and a brand new gray hoodie. He also promises Jonah that he will get him a hoodie with the emblem of his university.

 

Two and a half hours later they are sitting on a bench, eating some ice cream, while being surrounded by bags full of clothes.

 

“Thank you.”, Jonah says in between licks. He has picked two scoops of peanut butter flavored ice cream and is almost finished.

 

“You are very much welcome.”, Simon answers and throws his empty cup away into the nearest trash bin. “Do you need anything else? Like tooth brush, your own towels?”

 

“No, I like your towels, if you don't mind, I would like to continue using them.” _They smell like you._

 

“I hope I can visit you really soon. If only for the weekend.”

 

“Isn't this too much trouble for you?”, Jonah asks worriedly.

 

“No, not at all. Well, I hope so.”

 

Simon smiles at him, leaning back, his arm on the back rest of the bench. Jonah scoots a bit closer while finishing the last of his ice cream cup. They watch people walk by, some in a hurry, some just strolling slowly from shop to shop.

 

“I can't wait until it's summer.”, Simon mentions, daydreaming. “I would like to take you to the beach. We could go swimming in the ocean, lying at the beach, chilling, spending some time together.”

 

“I would like that.”, Jonah replies, but doesn't really mean it. Going to the beach would mean he has to take his shirt off. And he really wants to avoid that.

 

“Hey, how about we go for a swim tomorrow? Weather seems fine enough to me.”

 

“In the ocean?” Jonah panics slightly.

 

“No, in the pool.”, Simon replies and gets up. “Come, we gotta buy you one more thing.”

 

Jonah watches him curiously but also gets to his feet. They take their bags and head for the sports store.

 

“What do we want here?”, Jonah asks, stopping in front of the entrance.

 

“Buy you a pair of jammers.”, Simon answers and doesn't wait for Jonah's reply. He takes his hand and drags him inside the shop. He aims for the swimming department and starts looking through different swimwear. After a few minutes he orders Jonah to try on a few. The changing room is big enough for them both, so that Jonah doesn't have to step out. Jonah has to try on six pairs of jammers until he finally finds a pair that fit perfectly. Simon nods, satisfied.

 

“You look really good in those.”, he remarks and swallows visibly which makes Jonah smile shyly.

 

What is that boy doing to him? Normally, he isn't that shy. Not at all. He is the one approaching cars and talking to strangers. Simon is no stranger, and yet Jonah behaves totally different around his friend. He scolds himself for being so shy and self-conscious and promises himself to change his attitude. So, he quickly drops the shy face, and instead, he slings his arms around Simon's waist, pulling him closer. He rises up on his tiptoes to reach Simon's lips and kisses him not shyly and gently but passionately and wildly. Simon's hands are immediately on his back, shoulders, around his neck, in his hair.

 

“You cannot do this to me.”, Simon whispers, out of breath.

 

“You can't tell me what I can or can't do.”, Jonah says back and smirks confidently. One hand slides down Simon's body and cups him through his pants. The taller boy inhales sharply at that touch and takes a step back.

 

“Jonah, not here!”, he whisper-shouts.

 

Jonah approaches him again, not breaking eye contact, and kisses him once again.

 

“Then let's go. Let's leave right now.”

 

~***~

 

“Wake up, sleepy head.”

 

Jonah snickers when he feels Simon's lips on his nose tip and then on his cheek. He peeks through his eyes and glances at the clock. 9:34 am. Saturday. It's the last day he will spend with Simon since he has to leave early in the morning tomorrow. His smile fades.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Jonah shakes his head slightly and sits up. Simon kneels in front of him, hair a bit messy but still perfect, eyes friendly and a gentle smile on his face.

 

“Do you wanna go somewhere?”, Simon asks, still watching Jonah closely.

 

“No, I would like to stay here.”, Jonah answers and adds in a much more quietly, “And be with you.”

 

“Good.” Simon gets off the bed and heads for the door. “Wake up, take a shower, and then join me for breakfast.”

 

Jonah nods, smiling, and Simon leaves the room. It's suddenly very empty and he shivers slightly. Is the window open? It can't be that cold, it's California for crying out loud. Maybe he just needs a hot shower, that should do the trick.

 

It's twenty minutes later, after the hot shower, and Jonah still is freezing. He goes over to the closet, a huge towel wrapped around his slim and trembling body and rummages through his clothes. Simon took out all of his clothes yesterday to make room for Jonah's new ones. Jonah wasn't able to stop him from doing that so he just let it happen.

 

He decides on a new shirt (with a huge Legend of Zelda motif on the front), black sweatpants and his new hoodie. He's at the door when he turns around one last time and lets his eyes roam the room.

 

Empty. Cold. Lonely.

 

~***~

 

Jonah insists on having pancakes for breakfast, so Simon decides to show him how they are done – non-vegan version with eggs and milk. This special cooking lesson turns out to be one of the funniest events that has happened in the past two weeks. After about an hour of stirring, mixing, breaking a dozen of eggs and almost burning down the kitchen, Jonah is covered in yolk and flour. By now Simon is laughing so hard that they have to take a break so that he can calm down. In the end, there are no pancakes, but black round hard things and also very soft, still kind of liquid heart-shaped things that cannot be defined as pancakes anymore. Simon, however, takes a small bite of each, ignoring his vegan side for once, chews and swallows. He smiles and gives Jonah a thumbs up, grinning from ear to ear, yet still earning a soft punch in the arm by Jonah.

 

“How about we break in your new jammers?”, Simon suggests while cleaning up the mess they have created. Jonah nods in agreement, wiping away some yolk from the floor.

 

Luckily they are alone today since Simon's parents are busy at their company and Jo – well, she didn't really want to say where she was going, which was kind of odd, but she also left the house quite early. Jonah is thankful for their alone-time and so far he has enjoyed every second of it. Also, he doesn't need to worry about the rest of Simon's family seeing his fucked up body when they go for a swim.

 

An hour later they are at the pool, both in their jammers.

 

“Can you time me?”, Simon asks and hands him his phone. “I have a special app for my times.”

 

Jonah takes it and Simon explains the basics to him.

 

“Do you have to exercise often?”, Jonah wants to know while Simon takes his position at the edge of the pool.

 

“At home? Not really, but I want to. I have to keep in shape, we got a big competition coming up. And I kinda promised JD.”

 

“JD?”

 

“He's the captain of my swimming team.”

 

More people Jonah doesn't know. People who have become a part of Simon's life.

 

Simon bends down and waits for Jonah's signal. He dives into the water at a perfect angle when he hears Jonah yell “GO!” and takes off. Jonah has difficulty concentrating on stopping the time, he is too fascinated by Simon's smooth movements and swimming technique. His muscles flexing, his speed, the way he dives into the water and comes up again, it's almost like a dance. He is parting the waves, forcing his way through the them. He looks so magical. Jonah's fingers are itching. He needs to capture this moment.

 

He lays down Simon's phone and runs back into the house to get a pencil and the first best sketchbook he can find in Simon's room. When he comes back the taller boy is about to leave the pool to check his time.

 

“Where did you-”, Simon begins but Jonah interrupts him.

 

“Can you do that again? But a bit slower?”

 

“What exactly?”, Simon asks, perplexed.

 

“Just… swim… back and forth. Please?”

 

Simon looks at him quizzically, but then he smiles and does as he is told. He starts swimming again, slower this time, still in freestyle. Jonah sits down at the edge of the pool, his legs in the water, and starts sketching the other boy's outlines. Thin, light lines first, then stronger, thicker ones, a while into the drawing he is going into detail. His hand moves fast, then slow again, he changes the angle of pencil, fine lines, more lines, less lines, shadows, light, he focuses on Simon's back, arms, face, and his eyes. Drawing the water that is splashing around him is the difficult part, but Jonah manages somehow.

 

“How much more time do you need?”, Simon asks at one point, taking a brief pause.

 

“Oh, sorry, you don't need to swim anymore. It's finished.”

 

Simon swims over to him, pushes himself out of the water and plops down next to him.

 

“Show me.”

 

Jonah hesitates. He has never shown his drawings to anybody yet. Not even Josh. His drawings are for him only, so he can look at them when he's sad and wants to remember the positive things that he has experienced. The good memories. Or fantasies.

 

“Come on, I bet it's awesome!”, Simon encourages him, reaching over and taking the sketchbook away from the red-cheeked boy. He stares at the drawing for a while, not saying anything for a while, but then Jonah can hear him sigh out deeply. “Jonah… This is amazing!”

 

“No, not really. I messed up the water parts.”

 

“Dude, stop dragging yourself down! This is really good!” Simon cannot seem to take his eyes away from the drawing. “Can I keep this?”

 

Jonah looks at him, surprised.

 

“Yes, sure. It's yours.”

 

“Thanks. I'm gonna take this with me to Florida and hang it on my wall.”

 

Jonah doesn't want to talk about Florida right now. Instead, he takes off his shirt and slides into the pool. The water is freezing cold at first but his body adjusts itself to the cool temperature and after a few breast strokes he can enjoy the coolness. He stays close to Simon though, who is still sitting on the edge of the pool.

 

“Jonah?”, Simon says a bit louder for Jonah to hear. “Are you okay?”

 

Oh, what the hell. He promised himself to be more confident again. This shy boy with the blushed cheeks and embarrassed looks – that's not him. He can speak out what is bothering him. Well, it doesn't really bother him, but rather makes him sad.

 

“No, actually.”, Jonah says, kicking his legs underwater so he stays in one spot, opposite of Simon. “I know you have to leave for Florida tomorrow, and I am happy that you have this whole other life, and that you are happy and not alone – but I'm gonna miss you.”

 

Simon's eyes widen but he stays silent.

 

“The last two weeks… I had the best time of my life. I would have never imagined that we would bond so fast again. But when I saw you at that parking lot… Everything was forgotten. The harsh words, the fight, my grudge against you. It all suddenly seemed so pointless and senseless. I was just so glad to see you.”

 

“Me, too.”, Simon answers, and joins Jonah in the pool. “I had went through hell the day before our meeting. I didn't want to believe that you were dead. I wanted to find you. I knew you were out there somewhere.”

 

“Simon...”

 

“And then I saw you at that parking lot, I couldn't believe my eyes. I thank God that you are well and alive, and that you are here now. That we are here together. And don't worry about me being gone. We'll stay in contact, we'll skype, we'll text. This long distance relationship thing has to work. And it's going to, I promise. I am not letting you slip away again, okay?”

 

Jonah is completely rendered speechless, simply too touched by his friend's words. Simon is swimming toward him, coming to a halt right in front of him. Why does he have to look so incredibly gorgeous? Sun-kissed smooth skin, athletic body, mesmerizing brown eyes. And that soft smile on his lips.

 

“But in the end, I guess we have found each other. You were looking for me, and I was looking for you. That's what I call fate, huh?” Simon pauses and kisses Jonah tenderly on the lips. “I'm gonna miss you, too.”

 

Jonah relaxes when he feels Simon's arms around his waist. He lets out a deep breath, some tears running down his face. Goddammit, he is a mess once again. Gone is his self-confidence, his morals, his cockiness. Simon is doing things to him he cannot quite grasp. He is changing him, inside and outside.

 

The two boys spend the rest of the day by the pool. Afraid of trying to cook lunch or dinner, they wait until the afternoon to order pizza. In the evening they relax in Simon's room, playing Pokemon, and later watching an action movie. Jonah doesn't make it through the whole movie. They are sitting on Simon's bed when Jonah's eyes shut close and he falls asleep next to Simon, his head resting against the taller boy's shoulder. He doesn't notice when Simon covers him with a blanket, slides down on the pillow, wraps his arms around Jonah and cuddles up next to him.

 

When they say goodbye the next morning, Jonah tries to stay strong. He doesn't want to seem too attached and also doesn't look like a weak little pussy, all crying and tear-stricken. However, when Simon pulls him into a hug for the last time at the airport, and kisses him one last time, Jonah cannot hold in his sadness any longer.

 

“Don't cry, we'll see each other sooner than you think, okay?”, Simon murmurs into his ear, kissing his cheek and neck.

 

“Okay.”, is the only thing Jonah can say through the big lump building up on his throat. “Call me when you land. And when you're in your dorm room.”

 

“But you'll be sleeping already-”

 

“Don't care! Call me!”, Jonah exclaims, still not letting go of his friend. “I'll be up, waiting.”

 

Simon squeezes Jonah a bit tighter before finally letting go. He ruffles through the smaller boy's hair, hugs his parents and Jo one last time and walks away.

 

“Don't worry, Jonah. You'll see him soon enough. May, to be more specific.”, Jo tries to comfort him as they are all walking back to the car.

 

“May? What's in May?”, Jonah gives her a surprised look, a soft smile appearing on his face.

 

“Simon's swimming competition. We are all going. And you are, too!”

 

Jo hugs him form the side and Jonah chuckles.

 

May. That's not that long, actually. They will survive one and a half months without each other. This is going to work. He needs to mark the day in his calendar, so he reaches for his phone but notices at once that it's missing. He must have left it at home. Home. Simon's home which also has become his home. He is surrounded by friends. He is not alone this time. He doesn't have to run away this time. Why would he?

 

~***~

 

Somewhere in Simon's room Jonah's phone vibrates two times.

 

**Josh: hope u r well. miss u.**


	14. Chapter 13 - Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Simon's back in Florida. Jonah's new life in California. Split-screen POV. A small time jump of two weeks. 

“Oh no…”, Simon mumbles and immediately hides behind Shayne.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Luke.”

 

Shayne looks across the huge dining hall and sees Simon's ex at the far end, sitting with some other boys and girls at a table.

 

“Dude… He's like 10 miles away. You're fine.”, he says and sits down at an empty table. “Sit. Eat.”

 

Simon obeys, taking a seat on the opposite of his friend, yet still tries to hide his face by letting his hair fall into his eyes. He doesn't have to hide long, though, since both of them are soon joined by Alex, Seth, Sarah and Marissa.

 

“Seth, no! Sit over there!”, Simon orders, pointing to the free spot next to Shayne. Seth looks at him quizzically, but then Alex nudges his elbow and makes a short movement with his head.

 

“Luke.”, he whispers, clearly audible for Simon.

 

“Yes, Luke. I'm sorry, okay? I know it's been two weeks, I should be talking to him, but I can't. I just can't right now. I have swimming practice, I have three essays to work on already, one presentation and JD wants me to tutor the new swimmers.”, Simon defends his actions. “I don't have time to deal with him right now.”

 

“Hey, no one's blaming you.”, Marissa says, shooting an angry look in the direction of Luke's table.

 

Only now does Simon notice that all of his friends are in a really strange mood today. As if they are silently raging over something. Or someone?

 

“Guys, if you have a problem with the way I treated Luke, I understand-”

 

“It's not that! We're glad you broke up!”, Sarah exclaims suddenly, her statement throwing off Simon completely. “It's just…There is kind of a strange rumor going around.”

 

“What rumor?” Simon is clueless, he has had so much to do since he got back from spring break, he hasn't been paying too much attention to gossip.

 

“That you… Well, it's not like it is true, but rumor has it you…”, Marissa begins, but halts, as if she doesn't want to continue speaking.

 

“Marissa, what is it?”, Simon pressures her and looks into uneasy faces. “Shayne?”

 

“I don't know where it came from, but I think we can all figure that out.”, his friend begins, putting down his glass. “There's a rumor that you cheated on Luke with a hooker.”

 

Simon's fork makes a terribly piercing and clinging sound when it falls onto the plate. His jaw drops open and his eyes widen in shock.

 

“Yeah, I know, right?” Alex huffs, shaking his head. “This is really fucked up. I don't believe a word of it.”

 

“There have been no names mentioned so far, but Luke – you bet you ass I think it was him! - well, he basically calls your new boyfriend a hooker. Jonah, isn't it? Shayne told us a bit about him since you won't spill the beans.”, Sarah says, nudging Simon's shoulder. “He seems like a really nice and kind boy. I can't believe Luke would spread such a horrible rumor! We are all outraged!”

 

Simon gulps. Hard.

 

“Don't worry, Simon. It's just a rumor. There is no evidence. And basically no one believes it.”, Seth comforts him and looks at him sympathetically.

 

“It's a good thing you broke it off. Who knows where this relationship with that nerd kid would have led you.”, Shayne says, and smiles friendly at him. “I saw you with Jonah. I think you've made the right choice. You deserve each other.”

 

A huge lump is building up in Simon's throat. No. He doesn't deserve Jonah. Not a bit. He has trusted Luke with something. A secret, believing that Luke would keep it to himself. He chose to believe that he would not betray him. That he would be fine with their break-up. Simon thought back then that by explaining Jonah's situation that Luke would understand. He would get that Jonah needed Simon, and that he needed that time apart to help Jonah get back on his feet. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

 

He has made a terrible mistake.

 

~***~

 

Jonah jumps onto Simon's bed, hugging the pillow and closing his eyes. A few more minutes and he will be skyping with Simon. It's his favorite time of the week. They have talked it over and have made a plan. Since Simon has a very strict schedule – his lectures, swimming practice and tutoring new swimmers – they meet up online on Wednesdays, then Fridays and Saturdays. It's Friday today, so this means they will chat longer than normal because both of them can sleep in tomorrow.

 

He opens his eyes again and checks the time. 7 pm, meaning it's 10 pm in Florida. Jonah reaches for Simon's laptop, types in the password and opens up Skype. Seconds later he can see Simon's screen name pop up – freestyle16. Jonah's username that Simon has picked for him is sketchboy because of his drawings.

 

The familiar ringing sound goes off and Jonah hits the video camera button.

 

 **Jonah:** “Hey there!”

 

 **Simon:** “Hey, Jonah. How are you? How you've been since Wednesday?”

 

 **Jonah:** “I'm fine, thanks. I got a job at a bookstore! It's only part time, but at least I got something to do. And I got time to draw.” (smiles)

 

 **Simon:** “That's great! I'm happy for you.” (seems to be distracted)

 

 **Jonah:** “Simon? Is something bothering you?”

 

 **Simon:** “Huh? No, no, it's fine. I just have a lot of stuff to do for my classes. And JD is torturing us with more swimming practice next week.”(huffs, annoyed)

 

 **Jonah:** “Oh, sorry to hear that. You kind of look exhausted to be honest.”

**Simon:** “Yeah, I'm pretty slumped.”

 

(PAUSE)

 

 **Jonah:** “Do you wanna go to bed? And we'll talk tomorrow?”

 

(Simon looking away, as if pondering deeply over something)

 

 **Jonah:** “Simon?”

 

 **Simon:** “Huh?”

 

 **Jonah:** “You are not fine. Something is up. Can you please tell me? You might feel better after-”

 

 **Simon:** “Jonah, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm really tired. I promise we'll talk more tomorrow, okay?”

 

 **Jonah:** (sad) “Okay, no problem. See you tomorrow.”

 

 **Simon:** “See you.”

 

(END OF CALL)

 

Simon's face disappears from the screen. Weird. Simon is always the one to prolong their conversations. One time Jonah fell asleep during one call and Simon couldn't force himself to end the call. He had watched him sleep for a while before softly speaking to him again and waking up.

 

This just has been really not like Simon at all. To hang up like that. Although, he really didn't look good at all. Exhausted? Maybe. Worried. More like it. But about what? Jonah tells himself to ask Simon during their talk tomorrow. His mind is suddenly filled with strange and negative thoughts. What if Simon has gotten tired of him? And he doesn't want to be together anymore? Well, it's not like Simon has promised him anything, there is no label on their relationship. Or friendship. Or whatever this is. Jonah is not even sure if Simon loves him. He hasn't told him yet. They have talked so many times since Simon has gone back to Florida but the l-word hasn't come up so far. Maybe Simon simply doesn't love him. Maybe it's the guilt and pity that keeps him glued to the fragile and broken boy. And this thought scares the shit out of Jonah.

 

~***~

 

Simon is five minutes early. Just in case. He looks around the huge library and sees students deepened into their books and taking down notes. He should by doing that, too, actually. With him being all busy with studies and swimming practice there won't be much time to study right before the exams. He needs to start early.

 

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”, a familiar voice suddenly says, coming from behind him.

 

He turns around and sees his ex boyfriend leaning against the bookshelf.

 

“Thanks for meeting me.”, Simon says. He has picked the library as a meeting place so that Luke couldn't make a scene.

 

“No problem. I assume you want to talk?”

 

_No, not talk. Not at all. I wanna scream and hit you and beat the shit out of you for badmouthing Jonah, you sick bastard!_

 

“Yes, come with me.”

 

Simon leads them to the far back of the library where they can talk in peace and won't disturb anybody.

 

“So? What is it?”, Luke asks innocently.

 

“You know exactly what is up. Don't act all stupid!”, Simon shout-whispers, towering over the smaller boy like a furious giant.

 

“You mean the rumor?”

 

“No, I mean my gigantic cock! Of course, the fucking rumor!”

 

Simon can't help it but sarcasm seem to be the only thing to be working for him right now.

 

“Okay, okay, I get it. I heard the rumor, too. And, frankly speaking, if this is really true, I am even more hurt than I already was, Simon. A hooker? Seriously?”

 

Luke's scornful smirk drives Simon almost over the edge.

 

“Luke! Don't play dumb! I know it was you! No one else knows about Jonah… Jonah's past. It had to be you.”

 

The smaller boy doesn't answer but shakes his head slightly.

 

“What? Are you mocking me?”, Simon exclaims, quickly shutting up again. That was way too loud.

 

“Got me. It was me.”

 

“Why? I mean… I confided in you! I thought we were still friends!”

 

“I never wanted to be just friends. I wanted you. Nothing more, nothing less. Just you. Your love. I thought when you went home over spring break that you would somehow miss me. So, imagine my surprise when I get a call from you, the first call since our goodbye, and it's not about missing me, but about breaking up with me. You know how hurt I was, Simon?”

 

“And that's why you told everyone that I cheated on you with a hooker? For the record, Luke, I did NOT cheat! We were over when I started dating Jonah. And I never really planned it. It just happened!”

 

“So, break up with him then! Come back to me! He doesn't deserve your generosity and your kindness, Simon. You told me the story over the phone, remember? He left you! He decided to leave everything and everyone behind, including you, and went off to being a hooker! That was his choice! And now he's back all of a sudden? Haven't you asked yourself why he came back? After three years? Why now? You just took him in like a stray dog! Does he really care about you?”

 

Simon hesitates to answer, but shakes off his doubts and continues to speak.

 

“He missed me. He wanted to make up. He wanted me to forgive him, although there was no reason to.”

 

Luke takes a step back, hands in the pockets of his trousers, head facing down.

 

“If that really is the truth, then fine. I can understand that. That you wanted to be there for him, be his friend. But what I don't understand is why you are dating him all of a sudden. He never came up in our talks before. There is not one single picture of him anywhere in your room. Have you always loved him? Or do you love him at all? Or do you pity him? Do you feel guilty that you left California? Why are you with him, Simon? Do you know that this affair may ruin your career if anyone ever finds out the truth about him? Are you willing to risk your dreams for him? Can't you just be his friend and come back to me?”

 

Simon clenches his fist, already thinking about punching Luke hard in the face. But you just don't punch smaller boys, especially when they wear glasses.

 

“Fuck off. That's none of your business. And it never will be. I am done with you. If I hear about that rumor EVER again, I'm gonna beat you up so badly you will not be able to walk, talk or write for weeks. Are we clear?”

 

“I understand. I'll try my best to make the rumor disappear.”, Luke answers quietly, looking up, staring into Simon's eyes. “But I want you to think about it, Simon. Really think about it. Do you love him? Really love him? And is he really worth it?”

 

Simon wants to talk back but Luke whirls around and runs out of sight and earshot.

 

Of course, Jonah is worth it.

 

Or isn't he?

 

~***~

 

“I was surprised to read your text.”, Jonah murmurs into the phone, stretching out on the bed.

 

“I can imagine that.”

 

“Where are you now?”, Jonah wants to know, voice soft.

 

“New York. I've been to that diner… you know, the one we met?”

 

Jonah smiles at that memory.

 

“I remember. I was telling Simon about only a couple of weeks ago.”

 

“Simon, huh? Is that the friend you wanted to meet? Is he the reason you wanted to come to Sacramento?”

 

“Yes. Although, we haven't spoken to each other for so long… but it went well, our meeting I mean. He was overwhelmed to see me. And so was I.”

 

“I'm glad to hear that.”, Josh answers, and Jonah imagines him smiling. He always had a weakness for Josh's gorgeous smile.

 

“I also met up with my Mom, but… well, that's another story for another time. I live at Simon's, his parents let me live here. And I also have a job at a bookstore.”

 

“Hey, that is great! I just remembered that I'm all out of reading material...”

 

Jonah laughs out loud. That is such a big lie. Josh has always something to read, and even if it's printed toilet paper. He has a vast collection of books, always refilling his stock, never running out of new books to read.

 

“Well, next time you're in Sacramento, you can stop by and I'll show you some books I am sure you haven't even heard of yet.”

 

“You got yourself a deal.”

 

There is a slight pause in which Jonah considers the fact that it has been a bad idea to reply to Josh's message. And to answer Josh's call. But also, it feels good talking to him. They were always good at that.

 

“So, I guess you are not in the business anymore?”, Josh asks, sounding a bit disappointed.

 

“Officially, yes.”

 

“And unofficially?”

 

“I could make an exception for you.”

 

_Why the hell have I just said?_

 

“I'll take you up on that offer.” Josh laughs. “Okay, I gotta go back to the office. I just wanted… Well, I just wanted to see how you're doing. I'm glad to hear you're fine.”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

_Am I?_

 

“So, see you in a few days then. Take care, Jonah.”

 

“You, too.”

 

Jonah hangs up and puts his phone aside. What is he doing? Why did he call Josh? This is wrong. So wrong. So very fucked-up wrong. He sits up and looks around the room. Saturday evening. Usually, he would be skyping with Simon right now, but there has been no message or text or phone call from his friend all day long. Jonah reaches once again for his laptop and signs in. He needs to distract himself and decides to browse the internet for some funny videos and cooking advice.

 

Suddenly a funny pinging noise attracts his attention, telling him that someone has send him a text in Skype.

 

**S: Jonah r u there?**

Jonah's heart skips a beat.

**J: yes i am. r u okay?**

**S: wanna talk to u**

 

This sounds serious. Too serious. Is it already time to say goodbye to Simon?

 

**J: okay**

 

Seconds later the Skype phone is ringing and Jonah hits the video camera button.

 

 **Jonah:** “Hi.”

 

 **Simon:** “Hi.”

 

(PAUSE)

 

 **Simon:** _(rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes)_ “I'm sorry, Jonah. I am so sorry-”

 

 **Jonah:** “It's okay. I understand. I'm just glad we met, and could make up. (wiping away some tears building up in the corners of his eyes) I'm happy that you're okay and are chasing your dreams. I'm only in your way and I-”

 

 **Simon:** “Jonah, stop! What? No! That's not what I was… _(confused, shakes his head)_ Jonah, I am sorry because of yesterday. Me acting all weird. I wasn't tired. My mind was occupied with certain things… I found out that Luke, my ex-boyfriend, had spread a horrible rumor about me – and it was kind of about you, too.”

 

 **Jonah:** “Why would he do such a thing?”

 

 **Simon:** “He was jealous, and he couldn't deal with our break-up. I talked to him and it should be fine now. _(runs a hand through his hair)_ Jonah, I want you to know, that you matter to me, a lot. And I miss you every single day. I fill my days with tasks and practice and studying so that I don't think about you that much, to keep myself distracted. But that rarely happens. _(chuckles)_ You are everywhere. In my head. Under my skin. In my heart.”

 

 **Jonah:** “Simon…”

 

 **Simon:** “I want to see you. Soon. I will try to get a flight back home in about a week or two. I will let you know when exactly. JD is gonna flip, but I don't care. I want to hold you in my arms. You mean so much to me, Jonah.”

 

 **Jonah:** “I want to see you, too, but only if it doesn't get you into trouble.”

 

 **Simon:** “I will take care of that. Don't worry.”

 

_(both boys smile)_

 

 **Simon:** “So, tell me about that job of yours.”

 

And then they talk, like nothing ever happened. Jonah tells him about the bookstore, and Simon tells him more about university life. They laugh and chat, and Jonah doesn't want it to end. He shows Simon a new picture he has drawn of him which makes Simon blush. When it's time to say goodbye none of them want to hang up.

 

 **Simon:** “Good night.”

 

 **Jonah:** “Sleep tight.”

 

 **Simon:** “Don't let the bed bugs bite.”

 

 **Jonah:** “I'd rather you to bite me.” (winking)

 

 **Simon:** (pause, staring) “I will try to get a flight next weekend.”


	15. Chapter 14 - The Unwanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: R-rated, slight smut  
> A/N: Summer Swimming Competition. Jonah visits Simon in Florida. Jonah's POV.

“Spill. It's time.”, are the first words that Jonah says when he enters Jo's room announced. Jo almost drops her phone in shock and lets out a scared squeal when she sees Jonah barging in.

 

“Hello? Privacy?”

 

“Screw that!”, Jonah exclaims and sits down on her bed. “It's been a month. Something is up.”

 

“I...I don't know what you mean…”, she stutters, gets up from the bed and walks over to her desk.

 

“You are out almost every Saturday. You check your phone every five seconds. You can't stop grinning. There is only one reason for that – you got yourself a boyfriend.”

 

Jo doesn't say anything but turns red as a tomato.

 

“I knew it. Who is it? You know that Simon is going to kill me if he finds out? I was supposed to look out for you!”

 

“Oh, stop it. I don't need a fucking babysitter. I can take care of myself. It's not like he's some kind of predator, Simon does know him, you know-”

 

“So, I was right! There is someone!”

 

Jo curses silently.

 

“Come on, just tell me. I won't tattletale. Promise.” Jonah makes a cross over his heart.

 

“Alright. If you really wanna know…” Jo walks over to him, unlocks her phone and opens her gallery folder.  She clicks through some pictures and holds up her phone at one point. Jonah takes a look at the picture and smiles a broad grin.

 

“Dude, you are totally cute together!”

 

“I really like him.”, Jo adds in a low but loving voice. “He's goofy, and he makes me laugh.”

 

“And does Laser feel the same way about you?”

 

“Yes, I think so. It's way to soon for the L-word, but we enjoy spending time together. I feel safe around him, and he makes me happy. Isn't that what you feel when you're with Simon?”

 

Jonah smiles at that, takes out his own phone and shows Jo some pictures Simon has sent him. Simon at the pool. A secret selfie taken in a huge lecture hall. Simon lying on his bed, smiling gently. In the dining hall, Shayne next to him, stealing food from Simon's plate. A group picture of Simon and his friends.

 

“I miss him.”

 

“I know.” She wraps an arm around his waist and rest his head on his shoulder. “I'm really sorry that Simon couldn't visit you in the end.”

 

“I'm not mad. He has a lot to do. It's actually better that way. It would have been too hard to say goodbye again.”, Jonah replies.

 

“Just know that Simon misses you, too. Very much so. And he really can't wait to see you next week.”, Jo adds knowingly.

 

“You talked to him? When?”

 

“This morning. I'm actually not supposed to tell you this, but-”

 

“LALALALALALALALA! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!”, Jonah screams, hands over his ears. “If Simon has planned a surprise, I don't wanna ruin it. And you shouldn't, too.”

 

“Relax, I was just messing with you.”, Jo laughs.

 

“Do you wanna see what I've drawn for Simon?”, Jonah asks shyly but his face lights up the moment Jo jumps up and nods excitedly. They walk over to Simon's room and Jonah rummages through his sketchbooks. He has three small ones, those are the ones that have accompanied him throughout his whole journey, and also a bigger, newer one. Simon has bought this one for him, a very expensive one, with better paper quality and he also has bought him a new pencil set. It has been his goodbye present for Jonah.

 

“When I came back after we had dropped him off at the airport, this way lying on the bed, red ribbon, and a card.”, Jonah explains to Jo, blushing slightly. “Here. That's it.”

 

He shows her a very fine and detailed drawing of Simon in the water, floating, looking up.

 

“It's my first colored drawing. Do you think he will like it?”

 

“Jonah… This is incredible. Did he act as a model for that?”, Jo asks, taking the picture in her hands and staring at it in amazement.

 

“No. I've watched him swimming in the pool a lot of times, and this is how I imagine him to be.”

 

“He looks so peaceful, content and happy.” Jo's eyes suddenly begin to glisten.

 

“Jo? Is something wrong?”

 

“It's nothing… It's just… I haven't seen my stupid big brother so happy in a long time. And I know he's like that because of you.”

 

Jonah's eyes widen, his cheeks turning even redder.

 

“He is gonna love this, Jonah. Do you want to frame it?”, she asks, handing him back the drawing.

 

“Uhm… I'm not sure. I haven't even thought about that.”

 

“Then it's settled. We'll drive to the mall tomorrow and I'll help you pick one out, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jonah smiles at her, cheerfully. Jo has convinced him that Simon will appreciate his present. He can't wait to see his friend's face. Next weekend seems suddenly like an eternity away.

 

~***~

 

“I wouldn't worry about that.”, Jonah hears a familiar voice behind him and turns around. He looks into the friendly face of Shayne.

 

“What do you mean?”, he asks, frowning.

 

“Simon and Luke.”

 

Shayne makes a slight head gesture into the direction of the two boys who are standing by the pool, talking.

 

It's finally Simon's turn to show off his swimming skills. He told Jonah yesterday that he was quite nervous since JD would be competing, too. The weather is amazing, it's warm and sunny, and the whole competition is quite a success. It has drawn a lot of people and families to the university. It was difficult to find Simon's dorm room in all of those hallways and people, but when they finally lay in each other's arms, the stress and sadness of being apart for so long was forgotten at once.

 

This is the last swim of the day, 100 meters freestyle, and Simon is getting ready, stretching a bit and talking to his team mates. Luke has joined him, for whatever reason, and they seem to be chatting away quite enthusiastically. Which doesn't really make sense to Jonah since Simon seemed to be really angry with his ex only a few weeks ago.

 

“Why are they even talking?”, Jonah suddenly asks out loud, starting to get uncomfortable on his seat.

 

Simon's parents, Jo and himself have found some good seats in the middle of the grandstand. Simon's friends, Shayne, Seth, Alex and Sarah, are right behind them. Marissa is down by the pool, coaching the team and giving last instructions.

 

“That's what we are wondering, too.”, Seth interjects, also a stern expression on his face.

 

“I just don't get it. He told me himself that he doesn't want anything to do with him anymore.” Jonah huffs, sounding more annoyed than before.

 

“They've made up only a couple of days ago.”, Shayne explains, leaning forward so that Jonah can hear him better. “I told him it was a bad idea, and that Luke probably is still plotting something weird. But he didn't listen. Maybe he just feels sorry for him.”

 

“That would be typical for Simon.”, Alex mentions, which makes Jonah listen up.

 

“Yeah, he has a big and good heart. It's like him to take care of the strays and the unwanted.”, Sarah adds and sighs deeply. “He just can't help it.”

 

Jonah's chest stings unexpectedly and he clutches his chest, rubbing the spot over his heart. However, there's no more time to deepen the conversation since the competition is about to begin.

 

“All contestants please take their positions!”, the announcer's voice can be heard through the loudspeakers.

 

Jonah sees Simon step onto the starting block, and Jonah runs to the side, standing next to Marissa now, who doesn't really seem to like that.

 

“Take your mark! Set! Go!”

 

The referee blows the whistle, the swimmers take off and the cheering begins. Jo screams the loudest, followed by Simon's mother and father. Jonah just claps along, trying to smile and laugh. Behind him, Simon's friends are holding up a huge banner with the words “SWIM DOLPHIN SWIM!” written in huge colorful letters on it.

 

It's a close race, with Simon coming in second, right after JD. They are only .3 seconds apart, which to Jonah doesn't seem to be such a big deal, but he can see Simon's disappointment when he gets out of the pool. He looks over to the grandstand and waves at his parents, Jo and Jonah, giving them a sad smile.

 

“He's way too hard on himself.”, Jonah can hear Shayne say behind him. “He was amazing. His technique is getting better and better. And it is really hard to win against JD. He's not become captain of the swimming team because of his fine cooking skills!”

 

Words that should cheer up Simon, words he has probably heard many times before, yet the sadness and defeat is very visible on his face when he is surrounded by his team mates. Jonah sees JD approaching Simon, and taking him into a quick hug, smiling comfortingly. Simon nods, waves one last time over to his family and disappears in the changing room.

 

“Poor baby.”, Simon's mother says sadly. “Should we go downstairs and cheer him up?”

 

“Let him just be for a while.”, his father retorts and stands up. “We said we'd meet him at the restaurant later. Give him time to calm down. I know my son, he needs this time alone.”

 

They all nod and follow Simon's father downstairs. They are almost out of the swimming pool area when Jonah suddenly stops mid-walk.

 

“Shit! I forgot my backpack!” The drawing is in there. He has planned to give it to Simon after the competition.

 

“We'll wait in the car.”, Simon's mother answers, and Jonah dashes away.

 

The grandstand is almost completely empty, only a few students and family members here and there, waiting for their loved ones to return or talking about the results and college life in general. He rushes upstairs to their former seats and can already make out his back pack under one of them. Thank God. He kneels down and unzips the back compartment and sighs relieved. It's still there.

 

“Nice picture.”

 

Jonah turns around and sees a boy his age standing behind him. Short hair, glasses, a smug smile on his face.

 

“Thank you.”, Jonah replies in a low voice, knowing exactly who he is dealing with right now.

 

“I like your drawing technique. You're pretty good.” The boy smirks even more. “For a hooker that is.”

 

Jonah cannot move a single inch. He looks up at the boy, completely stunned and dumbfounded by Luke's words, feeling smaller and more insignificant than ever before.

 

“I don't have to remind you that you could ruin Simon's career with your relationship. It would be really awful if someone was to find out about your past. Imagine the embarrassment, and also the rejection Simon would go through. No scout would want him. That would really be the end of everything. The end of his dream he has been working so hard for.”

 

Jonah pauses, still looking down at Luke.

 

“I am sure you don't want that. You love him way too much to do something so terrible to him, am I right?”

 

He leans down so they are face to face.

 

“If I were you, I would leave him alone. Leave, and never come back. You would do us all a big favor by disappearing out of Simon's life.”

 

He straightens up again, turning his attention to the pool, smiling at something, and then he's looking back at Jonah.

 

“Keep up the good work. See you around.”

 

Luke turns around on his heels and walks way, leaving a very shaken up Jonah behind.

 

~***~

 

“Finally home!”, Simon exclaims, stuffed and exhausted, and throws himself on his bed. “Why didn't you stop me when I ordered dessert?”

 

Jonah sits down next to his friend, putting his backpack down on the floor.

 

“I could never do that. You were so excited.”, he answers, fake-smiling.

 

“You didn't eat a lot. Didn't you like the Thai food?”, Simon wants to know and stretches his worn down legs and arms.

 

“No, it was fine. I'm just not used to eating so much.”

 

“I understand.” Simon props himself up on his elbows. “Wanna join me over here?”

 

“I… I wanted…”, Jonah stutters and begins to unzip his backpack. “I got you something… or rather made you something… drew you something.”

 

“Really? What is it?” Simon sits up at once, sounding excited.

 

“It's not a big deal. I thought you could use a little color in your room. It looks a bit too… dark.”

 

“Come on! You are killing me! Show me!”

 

Simon scoots closer and watches Jonah closely as he is pulling out the framed drawing. Jo and he have picked out a slightly thicker shimmering white frame, which brings out the colors of the drawing very well.

 

“Here. Congratulations on your swim today.” He pauses and adds, “I thought you were really good today.”

 

He hands Simon the drawing, hiding his blushed face behind his bangs again. He hasn't been to the hairdresser yet. For a very good reason.

 

“Jonah…”, Simon begins, gazing at the picture he is holding now. “This is… I am speechless. This is beautiful.”

 

“You like it?”, Jonah asks quietly and in disbelief.

 

“Like it? I love it!”, his friend shouts out and gets to his feet. “I will hang it right next to my bed, so I can look at it every day when I wake up.”

 

“Simon?”

 

“No? Not the right place? But I want to look at it every-”

 

“No, it's fine there. Hang it wherever you want.” He doesn't mean to sound annoyed, but he can't help it.

 

Simon puts down the picture on the nightstand and sits down next to Jonah again. Concerned eyes. Great. More pity Jonah doesn't need.

 

“What is it? Just talk to me, Jonah.”

 

No, he doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to confront Simon with all of his weird thoughts and fears. He doesn't want Simon to know that he has been agonizing over Jonah's words from earlier today. And that he thinks that Jonah is right. He sees it, too, yet he doesn't want to believe it. He wants to stay here, with Simon. He wants to keep on loving him. He is scared to ask his friend all the questions that are torturing his heart and soul. Do you love me? Do you really want to be with me? Do you want me to leave? Why do you care about me? Is it pity? Why are you willing to ruin your career for me? Are you even aware of that?

 

Simon has told him time and time again that he cares about Jonah, that he wants them to be together. But maybe Jonah is the “stray of the day” that Simon wants to save. The broken one he wants to fix. The unwanted toy nobody wants that Simon just plays with at the moment until he gets bored and throws him away.

 

To get rid of all these thoughts and to make Simon stop talking, Jonah leans over and kisses him hard on the lips. He pulls him down on the bed, lips still locked, tongues invading each other's mouths, Simon lying on top of him. Jonah's mind trick seems to work, the taller boy has forgotten everything and is about to lose himself in Jonah's touches and kisses. They undress each other, finally skin rubbing against skin, causing heat and much longed for friction.

 

Their lovemaking is tender and gentle, Simon is careful as to not hurt Jonah in any kind of way. He showers his scarred and bruised body with thousands and thousands of kisses. When he's inside of Jonah's smaller and fragile body, Jonah lets go of everything, his dark thoughts, his fears, and simply enjoys their intimate and loving moment together. He clings onto Simon's body, his fingers digging into the back of his lover when he comes hard and long, shouting out his climax into the night. Simon follows him shortly after that, embracing Jonah tightly, his whole body shaking with ecstasy.

 

After they have cleaned up and got back into bed, Jonah lies wrapped up inside of Simon's arms, focusing on the other boy's calm and steady breathing rhythm. Just for a second longer, just one more moment of happiness and no worries. He wants to enjoy this. He wants to get rid of Jonah's words that seem to be ringing endlessly inside of his ears and mind.

 

_“Leave, and never come back.”_

 

“Simon?”, he whispers and receives a mumbled “Mmmh?” back in response. “Do you want me to leave?”

 

“No…”, Simon mutters, pulling Jonah closer. “Stay… Don't wanna be alone tonight.”

 

Jonah smiles. That's not what he meant but it will have to do for now. Simon's sleepy words manage to calm him down a bit. He manages to push Jonah out of his head for the time being. He will deal with that later. Right now, he tries to relax and snuggles up closer against his already sleeping friend.

 

“Okay.”, he replies quietly and kisses Simon gently on the lips. “I'll stay.”


	16. Chapter 15 - Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A flashback chapter. Flashbacks happen in chronological order.

It's quite a beautiful building. It is painted in a very light yellow color, it looks like one of those houses you see in Hollywood movies, but instead of two this house has three floors and it's a lot bigger than your normal family house. Still, it has the obligatory white picket fence, a front porch with a small bench and huge garden. It's a little outside of Sacramento. It really does look nice. Considering the fact that it's a mental institution.

 

Jonah is greeted very friendly by the staff and a nurse walks him to his mother's room. Every patient has their own one, so that the patients can have their privacy and have a place where they can retrieve to when the stress is getting too much. There is also common room, a dining room and even a small computer room.

 

“It's good of you to come again, Jonah.”, the nurse says. “I know it must be hard on you, but visiting her might help trigger her memory.”

 

Jonah doesn't answer but keeps on walking. Throughout the last one and a half months he has been visiting his mother every week, but there has been no change in her condition so far. He doesn't want to admit it, but Jonah is slowly giving up hope.

 

They reach the room and he is left alone in front of it. The door is wide open, he can see his mother sitting in her chair, reading a book, smiling lightly. He gently knocks at the door before entering, and she looks up at him. She is having a good day, Jonah can tell already. Bad days are filled with screams and tears. Today she actually smiles at him. A friendly and genuine smile.

 

“Hello.”, she greets him and puts her book aside.

 

“Hi.” Jonah has made the experience that calling his mother “Mom” is not the best way to start the conversation. It has sometimes triggered a negative reaction. “I don't know if you remember me. I was here last week. I'm Jonah.”

 

“Yes, I think I remember.”

 

Jonah smiles, having heard that answer a couple of times already.

 

“How are you feeling today?”

 

“I'm fine, thank you.”, she answers while watching him sitting down on a chair opposite of her. “And you?”

 

“I'm okay.”, Jonah replies, leaning forward and looking down. He is not really paying attention to her words since it has been always the same conversation so far. He is just happy to see her doing well.

 

“You know, you kind of remind me of someone.”, she says, squinting her eyes.

 

“Really? Who?”, he asks absentmindedly.

 

“My son.”

 

This is a first. Jonah's eyes shoot up, a shocked expression on his face.

 

“What… what was his name?”, he asks carefully, stuttering.

 

“I… I don't remember.”, she begins, eyes sad suddenly. “I think something happened to him. I can't remember…” She rubs her right temple with her fingers.

 

“It's okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.”, he tries to calm her down, but at the same time he wants to hear more. “Do… do you want to tell me what you can remember?”

 

There it is again. A happy and genuine smile. A good memory.

 

“He was about 7 or 8 years old. First week of junior high. He came home and told me about this boy he had met at school. He was so excited.”

 

Simon. That was Simon. Jonah remembers that day, too.

 

“His father didn't really care for that. But I was so happy for him. He seemed to have finally found a friend.”

 

His father. She mentioned his father.

 

“Why didn't your husband care?”

 

“He never really did. My son never seemed to exist for him. Must have been the fact that they weren't really father and son. There always seemed to be a certain kind of distance between them.”

 

_No shit._

 

**~***~ Flashback ~***~**

 

“Mom! Mom!”

 

“What is it, honey?”

 

“Can I stay at Simon's this weekend? We got a project for school…. and…we really need to work on that.”

 

“Yeah, right. Project.” Jonah's mother laughs out loud. “I know why you wanna stay there. But it's fine with me.”

 

“Don't you have a test next week?”, his father interjects, not looking up from his newspaper.

 

“Yes, but Simon wants to help me study for that one, too.”, Jonah replies, swallowing hard.

 

“I sure hope so.” He gets up and walks down the hallway to his home office. “I expect good results then.”

 

Jonah watches him disappear in his room.

 

“I will never be good enough, will I?”, he asks out loud, hanging his head. “Why is he always like that?”

 

His mother doesn't answer but takes him into a big, loving hug.

 

“It'll be okay. I'll talk to your father. You just have fun.”

 

Hearing those words, Jonah nods, a small smile appearing on his face. A weekend with his new best friend. This is going to be awesome.

 

~***~Fast Forward ~***~

 

“No, dude, you gotta use the Great Ball to catch that Pokemon!”

 

Jonah looks down from Simon's bed to his friend who is sitting in front of it on the floor.

 

“Oh. Okay.” Simon clicks through his item list. “I don't have one.”

 

“Oh my God, what would you do without me?” Jonah rubs a hand over his face, letting out a frustrated groan. “Well, now you gotta flee. Or you have to beat it.”

 

“I can't run away.”, Simon says in a monotonous voice.

 

“Sweet Jesus!” Jonah grips Simon's Gameboy. “I'll do it for you. But only this once. I can't help you every single time you get into trouble, dude!”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Simon is starring at the ground, while Jonah eyes him from time to time, trying not to kill the Pokemon his friend wants to catch so badly.

 

“There.” He hands Simon his Gameboy. “Now go straight to the next PokeShop and buy some bigger balls.” He snickers at his own joke.

 

“Okay.” Simon takes the console from Jonah's hands and continues to play.

 

For the next half hour neither one of them speaks, the only noise being some rock music from the TV.

 

“Hey, Simon?”, Jonah suddenly says, putting his Gameboy aside.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Are scared of next school year?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Out last year at junior high?”

 

“Oh.” Simon pauses. “Not really. You?”

 

“Uhm… No! Not at all!”, Jonah lies.

 

Another ten minutes go by without a word being spoken.

 

“Hey, Simon?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you think your Mom left us some Lasagna for a midnight snack?”

 

“Are you hungry?”, Simon replies, not looking up.

 

“No, just… I'm kind of in the mood for another bite.”

 

“Oh. I would hurry up if I were you then.”

 

Jonah rolls his eyes.

 

“You mean…?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Jo.”, they say in unison.

 

“Okay, in that case, I'm gonna go to the kitchen.”, Jonah retorts and gets up from the bed.

 

He's at the door when he turns around to face his friend again.

 

“Hey, Simon?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can I stay the whole week?”

 

“Sure.”, is the simple and immediate response.

 

Jonah smiles.

 

“Cool.”

 

~***~ Fast Forward ~***~

 

“So… I guess that's it.”

 

Jonah's got his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, not being able to stand still. His feet are moving constantly, his whole mood can only be described as restless, and very much stressed out. The small moving truck behind Simon is throwing a huge shadow on the two boys who are standing opposite of each other. This is the day Jonah has been dreading all summer long. This is it. This is goodbye.

 

“Yes, I think it is.”

 

“And you will be back on Christmas, right?”

 

“Yeah, that's the plan.”

 

“Okay. Cool. So… that's like… not that long. A few months. Four, to be exact. That's not a lot. That's nothing, really, if you thin about it. Just a few days.”

 

“Yeah. A few days.”

 

Silence falls between them and both of them stare to the ground.

 

“Simon! I'm sorry, but we gotta go now!”, his father calls from the other side of the truck, getting inside.

 

Jonah takes a deep breath. He then looks up and grins broadly.

 

“Hey, it's gonna be fine! Swim! Make me proud, dolphin!”, he exclaims cheerfully. Well, at least it sounds like it.

 

“I… I will.”, Simon replies a bit surprised.

 

“See you soon! Have a safe trip!”

 

“Thanks.” Simon furrows his brows, looking confused. “Bye.”

 

“Bye!”

 

Jonah watches Simon get inside the truck, sitting down next to his father, and rolls down the window. Jonah keeps in smiling and grinning and waving until he can't see the truck anymore. Then he runs inside the house, dashes up the stairs to his room, throws himself on his bed and cries over losing his best friend.

 

~***~ Fast Forward ~***~

 

Jonah's eyes are ice cold. Serious. Rage glimmering in them. So are Simon's.

 

“Take. That. Back.”, Simon spits out through gritted teeth.

 

“No.” Jonah's voice is hard as stone. “You first.”

 

“No. Way.”

 

Continued and hardened fight.

 

A lot has been said in those few minutes since they met at the playground. At first they were both happy to see each other, shook hands, shared some stories. And then Jonah asked why Simon hadn't visited sooner. It escalated rather quickly from then on. Simon's face hardened at once. Snappish answers. Serious eyes. Avoiding eye contact. No explanation really. Just accusations. Swimming practice. A lot of work. Tough school life. Trying to keep up. Trying to follow his dreams. Jonah wouldn't understand. He had no pressure and stress. He had no goal he was aiming for. He had no dreams.

 

And that's when Jonah started screaming, shouting, yelling at his friend. No dreams? So, obviously he was trash, a nobody and a loser in Simon's eyes. That's what it was, right? Nothing more, nothing less. Loser-Jonah who couldn't get good grades, who sucked at studying, who wasn't good at anything really, who had always been a troublemaker, who didn't care about anything and anyone but himself. Simon was obviously better than him, wasn't that right? The rich kid. Everything served on a golden plate. Popular. No problems. Loving parents. A great relationship with his father. No worries. No troubles. A spoiled little brat.

 

“Fuck that shit.”, Jonah suddenly says and looks away. “I'm done. Think whatever the fuck you want. Go back to your fucking perfect life.”

 

He glances at his former friend, trying to read his reaction. Tears. Streaming down Simon's face.

 

“Fuck you, Jonah. You wanna be alone? Fine. I won't give a fuck about you anymore.”, he finally brings out, teeth still gritted, breathing heavily through his nose. “Fuck. You.”

 

Simon turns around and leaves a furious and aggravated Jonah standing all alone at the playground. It takes him a while to come back to his senses and to settle his feelings. He has been sitting on the swing, watching the sun set on the neighborhood. Now, he is coming to his feet. No, he is not going home. He is too messed up and wouldn't be able to go through another fight with his step-dad. Step-dad. It's been a month already since he got the news and he still cannot get used to that word. Step-dad. Sounds weird.

 

It's already dark when he decides to walk around the neighborhood for a while, heading for a small park area nearby. He slumps down on the lawn at one point, pressing his knees to his chest, waiting for something to happen. He is not sure what exactly. Maybe a miracle which would allow him to turn back time. No. No! Why should he feel sorry? It was Simon who started it all! No dreams. Jonah scoffs. At least he's not an idiot who believes he is really going to be an Olympic swimmer. As if that was ever going to happen. Simon is a fucking fool! At least Jonah has… He has… Well, he has a lot of…

 

Nothing. Jonah has nothing.

 

No dreams. No goals. No future.

 

Fuck.

 

Nothing is keeping here. Why is he even staying in this pit hole? He won't make it through high school, that's a given. His father is not his father. Which wouldn't be so bad, but he doesn't even like Jonah. Not a bit. His mother is already talking about divorce. He doesn't see his old friends, Marty and Laser, from junior high anymore. His best friend… former best friend has changed completely. He is alone. There is nothing keeping him here. He should just go away.

 

Leave. And never come back.

 

**~***~Flashback Over ~***~**

 

“My Mom remembered me.”

 

“Really? That's great!”

 

Jonah sighs into the phone.

  
“Well, not really the 'me' in front of her. But she remembered having a son. That's something, right?”

 

“Yes, that is good news. It seems like she is slowly getting her memory back.”

 

Jonah smiles.

 

“Jonah? Can I ask you something?”

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Why are you calling me when you've got Simon?”

 

Jonah stays silent for a few seconds, pondering over that question. Nothing comes to mind. His head is empty.

 

“No reason.”

 

“Liar.”


	17. Chapter 16 - Who do you love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Jonah's meets someone from his past life. Jonah's POV.

S: “Where are you right now?” _(confused look)_

 

J: “Guess.” _(moves away from the cam)_

 

S: “You're not in my room. It looks way too odd for that.”

 

J: _(smiles, off screen)_ “Keep going.”

 

S: “Let's see… It looks like some kind of office… And I can see some books… _(starts to grin broadly)_ “HA! I know where you are! At the library!”

 

J: _(reappears, nods, grins)_ “Yup. I'm the last one today. My boss had to leave early and gave me the keys to lock up. Figured I'd call you from here.”

 

S: “Ah, okay. _(pause)_ So, how you've been? I know we haven't talked in a while. I'm really sorry, Jonah.”

 

J: “It's okay. You got exams and swim practice. I understand. _(smiles)_ Basically, I work, I go home, I talk to your parents. _(pauses, looks away sadly)_ I visit my Mom every Thursday. Her memory seems to be slowly coming back.”

 

S: “That's good, right? This means she's healing.”

 

J: “I sure hope so. I've read about cases where the patients only regain part of their lost memories…”

 

S: “Hey, it's gonna be fine! You'll see!”

 

J: _(smiles)_ “Thank you, Simon.”

 

S: “No problem.”

 

_(pause)_

 

J: “I miss you.”

 

S: “I miss you, too. But it's not long now. One week to go, and them I'm back! I got only one exam left, and that won't be too tough. We'll see each other really soon. I'll try to book the first plane back after the end-of-year swim practice.”

 

J: “Sounds good. I am really looking forward to that. I'll come pick you up at the airport.”

 

S: “I can't wait! _(knock at the door)_ Jonah, hold on. There's someone here.”

 

_(muffled sounds)_

 

S: “… hey… skyping with Jonah…no… meet me later… uhm… 10 minutes, okay?”

 

_(Simon reappears on Jonah's screen)_

 

J: “Who was that?”

 

S: “Oh… that was… Shayne. I gotta help him with something.”

 

J: “Do we have to end our conversation?”

 

S: “Actually, yes. I'm sorry, Jonah! We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?”

 

J: “Okay, no problem. Tell Shayne I said hi.”

 

S: “I will. Bye, Jonah!”

 

J: “Bye.”

 

_I love you. I would love to say it again to you, but I don't want to freak you out. I hope you will say these words to me soon. I need to hear them. I need to know if you love me._

 

Jonah sighs and switches off the computer. He cleans up the desk, puts his used coffee cup in the dishwasher at the staff room, turns off the lights and walks toward the exit. Jonah studies the key chain his boss has given him and finds the right one after a few tries. Outside the library, he rattles shortly at the door, making sure it's locked, drops the keys into the front compartment of his backpack and turns around.

 

“Hey.”

 

He looks in front of him and makes out a tall, slim, male figure in the dim lit street in front of the library.

 

“We had a deal. Remember?”

 

Jonah watches the man getting closer, and he is ready to hit the stranger hard over the head with his heavy backpack full of books. These thoughts disappear at once, however, when the figure steps into the faded light of a street lamp.

 

“Josh.”

 

~***~

 

“No, I wasn't!”

 

“Liar!”, Jonah exclaims before biting hungrily into his hamburger. “You were watching me so closely, I felt like having a stalker!”

 

Josh actually blushes at that and stares into his coffee cup.

 

“I… I'm… No, I wasn't. I was just… looking at you in general.”, he stutters after a few seconds.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“I don't really wanna say.” He pauses and suddenly smiles sadly. “You hate hearing that.”

 

Jonah puts down his burger and takes as sip from his coke.

 

“I won't mind now, I promise.”

 

“Alright.” Josh sighs and locks eyes with the boy sitting opposite of him. “I felt sorry for you. You looked… worn down. And I overheard your conversation with the waitress. You were trying to figure out what you can buy for five dollars.”

 

Jonah puts his hands in his lap and hangs his head. He's not that hungry, all of a sudden.

 

“See? I was right. Now you're upset.”

 

“No, it's fine. Go on, please.”, Jonah interjects quietly.

 

“Well, you know the rest. I remember sitting down a few seats away from you, ordered a cup of coffee and a donut, and I watched you drinking your coke. And then-”

 

“-then I looked over.”, Jonah interrupts him.

 

“Hard, blue eyes. That's what I remember.” Josh snickers. “You said 'You gonna eat that?'”

 

“Yes, 'cause all you did was stare! And I was fucking hungry!”, Jonah interjects, defending his words from back then.

 

“I figured. That's why I let you have it.”, the older male says, shoving his now empty coffee cup aside, and looking out the window. “I will never regret going into that diner that very night. I'm really glad that my buddy canceled on me. And that I was too tired to go to a club but too awake to go home yet.”

 

“Remind me to thank your buddy for being such a lousy friend when I see him.” Jonah chuckles.

 

“You know, I kinda can imagine what you were going through that night. Not all of it, of course. But I understand that you felt lonely and lost.”  


“How? I thought your parents are rich? Golden boy and all?”

 

“Well, yes, but when I was around 15 or 16, I was quite a rebel. I ran away from home to go on tour with my favorite band at that time.”

 

“No shit!” Jonah laughs, imagining this handsome and gentle soul in front him all punked up, black hair and eyeliner.

 

“Oh yes. No one could stop me. I had no car so I had to hitchhike from town to town. It went on for some months before I got to my senses and returned back home.”

 

“How did you make money during that time?”

 

“I played guitar and sang on the street. I made a few bucks for food and sometimes even a motel for a night.”

 

Jonah shakes his head in disbelief.

 

“I would have never guessed that.”

 

“Yeah. Drove my parents crazy.”  


“I can imagine. Well, at least they didn't pronounce you dead.” He pauses, trying to get rid of some unpleasant thoughts. “What made you come back?”

 

“My girlfriend.”, Josh answers. “Well, ex-girlfriend now. I met her at the end of the tour. She had big plans, was very enthusiastic about her life and her studies, had dreams and goals. And she didn't actually like me in the beginning.” He laughs and Jonah joins him. “I let the band tour without me and stayed in Chicago. I wanted to get to know her better. She was kind enough to buy me a cup of coffee one day and we talked. I fell in love that evening. For the first time.”

 

“And then you broke up?”, Jonah wants to know.

 

“Uhm… not right away, but yes, eventually. Long distance relationships don't really work out. But I'm still in contact with her. She became a close friend.”, Josh explains, smiling softly.

 

Their conversation veers into a different direction when Jonah's phone goes off. A message from Simon.

 

**S: i'm back in my room. r u still up?**

 

“I gotta go home.”, Jonah mentions after having read Simon's text, sending him a reply right away.

 

“I'll drive you.”

 

There is no discussion. This is a statement. You just don't say no Josh. At least, that's what Jonah thinks. He can't recall a single time he has argued with the taller, blonde man over something. He has always said yes to everything. Yet, of course, that has been his job.

 

The drive back to Simon's house is a silent one. Jonah is too tired to talk or even think of something to talk about. He rubs his eyes until they're read, earning a scolding look from Josh. He doesn't care about that. He leans his head against the window, looking outside, when his eyelids shut close and he falls asleep. He only wakes up with a slight jerk when the car suddenly comes to a halt.

 

“We're here, sleepy head.”, he hears Josh say and feels a hand running through his hair.

 

“Okay… I'm up.”

 

Jonah rubs his eyes once again, and yawns. He looks at Josh through half-closed eyes, a sleepy grin on his face.

 

“I'd better go inside, before I fall asleep again.”

 

Josh doesn't answer but stares at him, some blonde bangs falling into his eyes. He sure looks good. Jonah knows exactly why he got so attached to Josh not so long ago. The way he has treated Jonah so far, throughout all these years, no one has treated him like that before. He owes Josh a lot. He owes him his life.

 

“It was nice seeing you again.”, Jonah says, finally, hand at the door handle, ready to get outside of the car.

 

“You, too.”, Josh replies. “I really missed this. You. Me. Spending time together.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

Does he really? He has Simon now. He enjoys spending time with him, although they haven't actually held and touched and kissed each other in a while. Also, their Skype calls have gotten fewer and fewer with time. Jonah understands that Simon has to work hard if he wants to fulfill his dream. And he doesn't want to get in the way. Also, he sure that he loves Simon. Still. He loves him still. After all this time. He loves-

 

“Jonah?”

 

He is torn away from his thoughts and notices that he has drifted off.

 

“Sorry, I… I was just… Never mind. I gotta go now. See you around, Josh. Text me when you're back in Sacramento.”

 

“Are you planning on staying – here?” Josh looks over his shoulder to the Boyd house.

 

“Yes. For now. What's wrong with that?” Why won't Josh let him go?

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Liar.”

 

It happens so fast that Jonah doesn't have time to dodge or back away. Josh leans over to him, one swift movement, and then his lips are on Jonah's. A quick, gentle and loving kiss. Their lips part, but the only words out of Jonah's mouth are stuttered ramblings.

 

“Josh… I…I…”

 

“I love you, Jonah.”

 

The boy's eyes widen in shock.

 

“I know you're with Simon. And I know you love him. But does he love you back? Has he told you yet?”, Josh leans back again, watching Jonah closely as the boy starts turning red.

 

“I… He… He will…” Jonah doesn't have an answer prepared.

 

“Jonah, listen to me. I know who you are. It's true that at the beginning of our very messy and complicated relationship I felt sorry for you. I wanted you to be okay and well. But after a while I…Well, I developed feelings for you. And I can't deny them any longer. We haven't met up in a while and it really made me mad. I wanted to see you. I wanted to be with you. And I still do.”

 

_No, this is wrong._

 

Simon has been really kind and gentle with him, they have kissed, they have slept together. Yet Simon has never confessed his love for Jonah. Maybe there is nothing to confess. Long forgotten thoughts flood Jonah's mind.

 

Broken boy. Broken toy. The unwanted. The stray.

 

“Jonah? You hear me? I love you. I want to be with you.”

 

“I… I…”, Jonah begins, but stops, his mind completely empty. _Pull yourself together, dude!_

 

“You don't have to decide now. Just… think about it, okay?”, Josh states with a serious face. “I'll be in Los Angeles the next week. Call me. Okay?”

 

Jonah nods, why, he doesn't know himself. He simply does. Maybe so he can flee this uncomfortable situation.

 

Once inside the house, he immediately rushes to Simon's room and shuts the door behind him.

 

_“I love you, Jonah.”_

 

Why couldn't it be Simon saying these words? Why did it have to be Josh?

 

It's true. Josh knows him. Really knows him. In a way Simon never had and probably never will. They have spent endless hours and nights talking and making love… love? Not when they first met. But maybe later on? Jonah cannot deny that he had some feelings for Josh at one point. Strong feelings? He doesn't know. But there was something there. However, now, he loves someone else. He loves-

 

His phone goes off again.

 

**S: r u home? wanna talk to u :(**

 

Jonah exhales deeply. He slumps down on the bed and turns on the laptop. A few moments later he rings up Simon through Skype.

 

S: “Hey! There you are! _(smiles)_ ”

 

J: “Yes, here I am. _(forced smile)_ Were you able to help Shayne out?”

 

S: _(nods)_ “Yes, it went smoothly He needed help with an essay. How was your evening?”

 

J: “It was okay. _(looks away)_ ”

 

_(pause)_

 

S: “Jonah? Is something wrong?”

 

J: “Actually… No. I need to know something, Simon. And I am sorry, if this puts some kind of pressure on you, but this is important. I really need to know this, okay? _(serious)_ ”

 

S: _(worried)_ “Okay. What is it?”

_(slight pause, Jonah takes a deep breath)_

 

J: “Do you love me?”


	18. Chapter 17 - Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Jonah's question is answered. Things are revealed. Jonah decides something. Jonah's POV.

J: “Do you love me?”

 

S: _(mouth agape, eyes wide)_ “…”

 

J: “Simon, please. Tell me. I need to know. _(more firmly now)_ Do you love me?”

 

S: “Why do you want to know that?”

 

J: “Does this mean no?”

 

S: _(shocked)_ “No! That's not what it means!”

 

J: “But if you're not saying yes, then you're saying no. It's as simple as that.”

 

S: “It's not, actually. It's… I don't know. _(stutters, nervous)_ I need more time.”

 

_(pause, Jonah stares directly into the camera)_

 

J: “Oh my God… _(realization hits him)_ I really am your stray-of-the-day.”

 

S: “What?”

 

J: “I didn't want to believe it, but it's true after all. _(pause, runs the back of his hand over his eyes)_ Luke was right. I am in your way, right? I'm pulling you down when all you wanna do is swim up to the surface, and breathe. I am suffocating you. Keeping you from fulfilling your dream. That's why you won't love me back.” _(disappointed, hurt look)_

 

S: “What? _(confused)_ No! Wait…. Luke? Luke told you that? When did you talk to him?”

 

J: “After your swimming tournament. He said our relationship wasn't healthy and good for you. And that I should leave. And frankly speaking, I can really understand where he's coming from.”

 

S: _(outraged)_ “Why would he even say something like that? Not good? Why?”

 

J: “Because… you are a pro swimmer… and I'm… something worse.”

 

S: “Oh my God… _(pause, looks away in shock)_ Jonah, I am sorry. So, so deeply sorry. I thought that he would never say anything to anyone. I thought he would keep it to himself. I just… I told him to make him understand why I wanted to take a break! I trusted him back then. That was a huge mistake, I am so-”

 

J: _(confused)_ “Hold on! Correct me if I'm understanding this the wrong way…but… Did you tell him? You told him about … my past?”

 

S: “…I'm sorry, Jonah.”

 

_(Jonah stares into the camera, looks away, hits the 'hang up' button)_

 

~***~

 

“Hey… Can you come and pick me up? … Friday? No, it has to be Thursday.” Pause. Listening. “Yes, Josh. My answer is yes.”

 

~***~

 

The house is completely silent. Everyone has gone to bed already. He should have left a note or a letter explaining his actions. He has thought about doing that. It will be a shock. Simon is coming home tomorrow. And no one will be able to give him a proper answer to the question “Where is Jonah?”. It's better that way. He doesn't have to come up with some pointless lie. He will just disappear. It will be as if he has never been here. He has packed up all his belongings, leaving the clothes Simon has bought him on the bed, folded neatly, stacked into various piles. He did this when he knew that everyone had gone to bed, and that he would be safe. All week long no one seemed to be suspecting something. He went to work, he got home, he ate with Simon's parents. At first, he avoided Simon's calls and texts, but after two days he texted back that he needed some time to think and that Simon shouldn't be worried. Jonah succeeded in throwing his friend off. There were no more messages that week.

 

When Jonah reaches the front door, he lays the house keys he got from Simon on the small drawer in the hallway. He opens the door quietly, slips through, backpack over his shoulder, and steps outside. Josh is already waiting for him. The car roars to life as Jonah approaches it swiftly, getting inside the Jaguar.

 

“You okay?”, is Josh's first question when Jonah is seated next to him.

 

“Yeah. I'm fine.”, he answers, voice trembling a bit. Nervousness is kicking in.

 

Josh smiles at him, leans over and kisses him gently on the lips.

 

“I'm glad you said yes.”

 

Jonah just nods, smiling back shyly. Josh grabs the steering wheel and pulls out of the driveway, heading towards the highway.

 

Jonah quickly zones out, tiredness overwhelming him as the car speeds through the night. Where to, he's not sure but he really doesn't care. He just wants to get away from here.

 

_I know. I'm running again. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should stay and talk it out with Simon. But I can't shake the feeling that I really am a burden. And that I will always be one. He doesn't really love me. He just feels sorry. That's why he's taking so long to decide. He has already made his decision without even knowing. He will be better off without me. He will be free again. And so will I._


	19. Chapter 18 - Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Summer break begins. Simon goes back home. Simon's POV.

It's been hell. The days until summer break seemed to stretch out. Classes took forever. Swim practice was tedious. Everybody annoyed him. Simon was stressed out to say the least. He sent about ten messages a day to Jonah, apologizing over and over again, promising that they would talk about it when he got back home, trying to call him. Until Jonah had asked him to stop. Stop the messages. Stop the calls. He needed time to think.

 

Simon booked an early flight that day, 6 am, so he could start his summer break as soon as possible. He didn't tell his parents, so that it would be a surprise and also, so that Jonah had no time to sneak out of the house and avoid meeting and talking to him.

 

The flight has been hell. A few hours of sleep. That's it. He hasn't slept all night before the flight, too nervous and too excited. So, when he is finally allowed to get out of the cab at around 11 am CalifornJonah time, he breathes out a deep sigh of relief.

 

Home at last.

 

Funny. Last semester when he got home for spring break he was depressed and annoyed with everything and felt suffocated every time he thought about leaving Florida. A lot of negative feelings. He didn't really want to come back to Sacramento. What is different now?

 

“Simon?”, his mother is the first one to notice his arrival, having heard the door being opened. “You are here already?”

 

She approaches him quickly and almost falls into his arms, hugging him tightly.

 

“Yes, I took an early flight.”, he explains and wants to let her go, but she won't let go.

 

“I am so glad you're home. Oh God…” Her voice breaks and she hugs him even tighter.

 

“Mom? What's wrong? Did something happen?”

 

At that moment Jo emerges from the hallway and at seeing her brother her eyes immediately fill with tears.

 

“Simon...”she begins, yet also cannot speak any further.

 

“Jo! What is going on?”, Simon asks more forcefully now. His mother finally lets go of him and he walks over to his sister. “And where's Dad? I didn't see his car in the garage!”

 

“Simon…”, Jo once again starts, looking down, tears uncontrollably streaming down her face. “He's gone.”

 

“Who?”, Simon shouts out, his voice filled with panic. “Did something happen to Dad?”

 

“No.”, his mother answers and makes him whirl around. “Jonah. Jonah's gone.”

 

~***~

 

The room is spotless. Everything has been cleaned and put in its right place. Not one grain of dust can be seen. There are different piles of clothes on Simon's bed. Shirts, pullovers, trousers, sweat pants. And the hoodie Simon had bought Jonah at the mall. The gray one. Jonah's favorite. Simon picks it up and brings it up to his face, breathing in Jonah's sweet scent.

 

“It's my fault.”, he mumbles into the hoodie, covering half of his face as he slumps down on the edge of the bed.

 

“You don't know that.”, Jo retorts, trying to comfort him and sitting down next to him.

 

“I do, actually.”, he answers, letting his hands fall into his lap yet still gripping the hoodie tightly. “He asked me if I loved him. And I couldn't give him an answer.”

 

“Simon…” Jo's eyes widen at first but then her face shows nothing but frustration and incomprehension. “You do love him, though, don't you?”

 

“I… I…” Simon stops. He sighs out deeply before continuing. “He means a lot to me. I guess he always has. I mean… how come that we made up so quickly, that all the horrible words and accusations from 3 years ago were forgotten all of a sudden?  We connected so quickly again. It was like we were kids again.”

 

“So, why didn't you tell him?”  


“I'm not sure. I guess I still kind of saw him as my best friend. He has been through a lot, I didn't want to scare him away. I was just happy to have him around, and knowing that he was happy and doing well filled me with so much joy. That was enough for me. But then he asked if I loved him back. And I…I…”

 

“You chickened out.”, Jo interrupts his story.

 

“What?”

 

“Simon, you are my brother, and I love you, really, I do. But fuck, you are so fucking stupid sometimes, it causes me physical pain. Actually hurts watching you telling me how you care about Jonah, how you want to protect him, to hold him and blah blah blah! Wants me to punch you in the face!”

 

“Jo!”

 

“Don't you JO me, Simon! Why didn't you tell him that you love him? 'Cause this is actually what it is! You LOVE him!”

 

Jo has stood up and is looking down on her brother now, waving her arms around wildly, making her point clear.

 

“He loves you, you know? He told me himself. He. Loves. You. I have no idea why though. And now he is gone. How are you gonna find him this time, Simon? Look around on more parking lots? I don't think you're gonna find him there!”

 

“Don't you think I know that?”, Simon suddenly shouts and gets to his feet in one quick movement. “I know it's my fault! I lost him! And I'm scared shitless I may never find him again! I don't know where he went, or if he's well and healthy!” He hasn't noticed that tears are streaming down his cheeks now. Tears of anger. Tears of fear. “I want him back, Jo! I want him back!”

 

Jo's tiny arms wrap around him, holding him tightly, as he sobs into her shoulder.

 

“It's okay, Simon. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to yell at you. We're gonna find him. Dad said that he knows someone who can track down missing people. We're gonna find him.”

 

They stay like this for a few moments until Simon has calmed down again.

 

“Is there really no letter or note?”, he asks, laying down Jonah's hoodie on the bed again.

 

“No, I've looked everywhere.”, Jo answers, scanning the room with her eyes one more time. “I hate to say this, Simon, but it seems like Jonah doesn't want to be found.”

 

“Yes, I think so, too.”

 

The siblings decide to search Simon's room one last time before giving up hope completely. There is nothing on the desk, nothing on the drawer or inside it. Nothing in the closet or the bathroom. No note on the bed or the nightstand. Nothing. There is nothing here.

 

“Haven't you talked… like… every other night?”, Jo suddenly asks, plopping down on the floor next to a sprawled out Simon. “He must have mentioned something. Or someone. Maybe a friend? Or a relative?”

 

“He has only his mother who is still at that mental institution. There's no one else.”, he answers in a monotonous voice. “He said he had met up with Laser once in a while.”

 

“Yes, I know. That's what he also told me. But I thought he would tell you more since… well, since you are his boyfriend and all.”

 

There's a moment of silence before Simon groans out loudly, frustrated with the situation, and rolls onto his side, facing his bed. He startles and sits up.

 

“What is it?”

 

“There's something under my bed.”, he answers, crawls closer, reaches under the bed with one arm and pulls out a notebook. No. Not a notebook.

 

“It's Jonah's sketchbook!”, Simon exclaims, excited. “Maybe we can find some clues in here.”

 

It's a cheap shot, but Jonah has always been better with pictures than with words. Jo scoots over to her brother and together they start leafing through Jonah's drawings. It appears to be a more recent one, the first drawing dating back to April.

 

“You should feel honored.”, Jo mentions after a few pages. “It's mostly drawings and sketches of you.”

 

Simon says nothing but his red cheeks give away his true feelings.

 

Simon sleeping. Simon's face from different angles. Simon smiling. Simon laughing. Simon with blushed cheeks. Simon in the water.

 

“Here's one from when we were in Florida!” Jo points out one drawing of Simon standing next to the pool in his jammers, surrounded by his team mates.

 

They both notice a change in Jonah's drawings. After May, after visiting Simon in Florida, the pictures get darker and sadder. There are still some drawings of Simon, but this time he is pictured as sad, repellent even. Then there are some very rough and quick pencil drawings of Jonah. Thick, dark lines. Was he angry when he drew them? Or lonely? Confused? Frustrated?

 

“Something must have happened.”, Jo mentions sadly. “Did you fight when we were in Florida?”

 

“No, not really. No. Well, I think he wanted to tell me something… But then I guess he changed his mind? He acted a bit weird, I gotta admit.” Realization hits him. “Wait! Jonah! Jonah happened! He told him all that shit about Jonah not being good for me!”

 

“That lil fucker!”, Jo exclaims, outraged. “I knew we couldn't trust that son of a bitch!”

 

Simon thumbs through the sketchbook a little quicker now until he stops. One certain picture has caught his attention.

 

“Who's that?”, Jo asks. “He looks damn fine! Is that Jonah's ex?”

 

“No.”, Simon brings out between gritted teeth. He has never seen an actual picture but he knows exactly who the tall, skinny, blonde, green-eyed man is, lying on a bed, half-naked, the lower half of his body covered with a light sheet. “That's Josh.”

 

“Who's Josh?”

 

“He was Jonah's… benefactor. Or something like that.” Simon shuts the sketchbook violently and throws it on the floor. “He took him. I bet he contacted Jonah. Damn it. I should have thought of that. I should have bought him a new phone.” Simon curses under his breath and starts pacing the room.

 

“Simon, I don't think Jonah has been kidnapped. He wouldn't have left your room behind like that. Neat and tidied up. I think he left because he wanted to.”, Jo states quietly.

 

“No, he left because I left him no choice. He left… He left me… for his old life.” Simon stops and slams the side of his clenched fist hard against a free spot on the wall. “Why didn't I tell him…”

 

“What?”

 

“That I love him, too.” It's a whisper, almost inaudible, but the words have finally been spoken out. “I love him. Why couldn't I tell him that? Fuck! And now Josh has him and does – things to him – Oh God! I don't even wanna have these pictures in my head!”

 

“Simon?”

 

“What?”

 

“Did you tell Jonah you loved him?”

 

“No, God, no!” Simon grimaces his face.

 

“Hm. Didn't you have a boyfriend during high school? At that boarding school?”

 

“Uhm… Not really. We went out a couple of times. But nothing big happened.” Okay. This is getting weird now. Where is she heading with this?

 

“And was there another boyfriend? During Junior High maybe?”

 

“Jo! I was like… 11 or 12! No, there was no boyfriend! I didn't even know I was gay back then!” He looks at her face flushed and a shocked expression on his face. “Why are you asking me all of these questions?”

 

“I think I know why you couldn't confess to Jonah.” She smiles friendly at him. “He's your first love. Your first real love.”

 

“So?” Turning redder, avoiding Jo's eyes.

 

“So? It was just tough for you, that is all. He was your best friend, and you fell for him. Hard and fast. Maybe you even liked him back then, when you were kids. You were pretty close, you lost each other, you fought – I was there, you know? I was there at the playground, I was heading home from a friend's house. I heard every word. It broke my heart to see you both like this.”

 

“Don't remind me.” He still feels guilty.

 

“Anyway, that is why you had restraints. You fell for your best friend who you thought was lost. You found each other again, and at the same time Jonah found a way into your frozen and worn down heart. A heart who had never felt love before, but was sealed away. Simon, you were so focused on your dream, training so hard, pushing yourself to move forward, you didn't see anything or anyone else. You locked yourself up, you built walls around yourself. I was the only one you let in, and I am glad, actually. I could take care of you that way. That's why we're so close.”

 

“Walls? I…I've built walls?”

 

“Yes, as some kind of weird self-protection thing. They grew even taller and thicker after your fight with Jonah. However, when he re-appeared in your life again, the walls slowly but gradually came down, and Jonah was the reason. You didn't know what to do with all those feelings inside of you. You were just overwhelmed. And that's why you couldn't tell him. You didn't know yourself.”

 

“But I do now.”, Simon whispers, rubbing a hand over his eyes which are hidden behind his black bangs. “Doesn't matter. It's too late. He's gone.”

 

Jo stands up at that and joins him, putting a firm hand on his shoulder.

 

“Not yet. We're gonna find him.”

 

Simon locks eyes with her shortly, then nods approvingly. He's not very hopeful, but he will force himself to be.

 

“Where do we start?”, he asks his sister, exhaling deeply.

 

“With Dad. We're gonna ask him about this guy and then we'll go from-”

 

A buzzing noise interrupts Jo's sentence. It's her phone. Simon watches her take it out of her pocket.

 

“It's a message from David.”, she says, slightly confused, reading through the text. “Simon…You are not going to believe this.”

 

She hands him her phone, so that he can read the message, too.

 

**D: saw Jonah yesterday at a pit stop in Chevron. he wasn't alone. everything okay?**

 

No. Nothing is okay.


	20. Chapter 19 - Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Las Vegas, Nevada. Jonah's talk with Josh. Jonah's POV.

“I'm going downstairs. I need some new clothes. Do you need anything?”

 

Jonah is sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring at his phone. Josh's words have startled him and he looks up, wide-eyed, mouth slightly open.

 

“What? What did you say?”

 

Josh sighs before smiling, walks over to him and pecks him on the forehead.

 

“Where are you, Jonah?”

 

“Here. I'm here.”, the boy answers shyly. “With you.”  


“If you say so.” Josh straightens up. “I'm going downstairs. Do you need anything? Tooth brush? PJs? Shirts?”

 

“No, thank you. I'm fine.”

 

“Good then.” The blonde picks up the menu from the coffee table and flips through it. “Could you order something? You know what I like.” He hands Jonah the menu.

 

“Okay.”

 

Josh's hand is suddenly on his neck, pulling him closer and he places an emotional and fierce kiss on Jonah's lips.

 

“Be right back.”

 

With that he leaves for the lobby and Jonah is alone in the huge hotel penthouse. It's completely quiet. Too quiet. Jonah gets up abruptly and switches on the TV. He looks for a music channel and turns up the volume. Josh mentioned he was hungry. He should order their food first. He decides on hamburgers, french fries and salad. Not really healthy, but who cares.

 

He then slumps down on the couch, stretching out, listening to the music. He closes his eyes. Different images start popping up in his head. Elementary school. First day. Simon. Happiness. Laughing. Studying together. Best friends. Junior high. More laughs. Swimming. Simon in the water. Falling in love. Secret love. Sleepovers. Starry night. Rooftop. Sadness. Tears. Simon leaving.

 

Jonah frowns and wipes some tears away.

 

More images. Christmas time. Simon. Snow angels. Laughs. Fireworks. Promises. Spring. Excuses. Rainchecks. Loneliness. Bullying. Depression. Stepfather. Failure. Divorce. Christmas again. Simon. Fighting. Screaming. Anger. Rage. Grudge. Frustration. Desperation.

 

Jonah rolls onto his side, eyes still closed. He doesn't bother about his tears anymore. He lets them run down his nose and cheeks freely now.

 

Leaving Sacramento. Arranging a car ride. Living on the street. Mugged. Beaten. Stabbed. Driven to the edge. Thinking about ending it all. New York. Last night. Suicidal thoughts. Intentions. Decisions. Diner. Last meal. Last few dollars. Stranger. Josh. New hope. New life. Josh's smile. Josh's eyes. Josh's kindness. Josh's friendly nature. Feeling safe. Feeling protected.

 

“I'm back!”

 

Jonah sits up and sees Josh enter the living room with a bag.

 

“I got you something.”, he says, reaches inside the bag, pulls out something dark and throws it over to the boy.

 

Jonah unfolds the cloth piece. It's a dark blue button-up shirt.

 

“What is this for?”

 

“Dinner. Tomorrow. I wanna take you on a date. A real date. I want you to look nice.” Josh strolls around the couch and plops down, forcing Jonah to scoot closer to the backrest to make room for him. “Jonah? Can I ask you something?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Are you having second thoughts? You haven't talked much all day.” Josh looks him straight in the eyes. “I just want you to be happy with your decision. Are you regretting coming along?”

 

“No, it's not that.” Jonah breaks the eye contact and focuses on his hands. He's picking nervously on the skin around his nails, pulling and scratching, until one of his fingers start bleeding. The pain feels good somehow.

 

“Then what is it? You're making me worried, Jonah.”

 

“Sorry.” Jonah's sucking on his index finger now, tasting the blood from the wound he inflicted on himself. “I'm tired. It's been a long ride.”

 

“Liar.”

 

Jonah looks up, shocked, but has not time to give a proper answer. Josh is suddenly on him, pushing him down into the cushion while at the same time covering his face with kisses. He traces down a line of licks to Jonah's lips and starts sucking on them, invading the boy's mouth eventually, devouring him. The taller man's bold actions have taken Jonah completely by surprise, leaving him speechless and almost motionless. He is only able to kiss Josh back, opening up to him, tugging on Josh's shirt and clinging onto it tightly. The other man's hands are everywhere, roaming of Jonah's body, slipping under his shirt, pulling it up slightly, stroking his bruised and scared skin. Jonah doesn't want to turn him down, so he plays along, although some tears are still resting in the corners of his eyes. He shuts them tightly, trying not think about the images from earlier, and focusing on the blonde caressing him instead.

 

“Jonah…”, Josh pants. “I know we wanted to wait, but… I want you…” He breaks their kiss and wants to gaze  into Jonah's blue eyes, but they are still shut. “Jonah, are you really okay?”

 

The boy feels Josh's hand on his face, cupping it, a thumb wiping away some tears.

 

“I…I'm sorry, Josh.”, Jonah replies, still not looking at his friend. “It's fine. I'm okay.”

 

All at once, Josh's warmth is gone and Jonah shivers at the sudden coldness. He has sat up, elbows propped up on his knees and looking down.

 

“Jonah, I want you to talk to me. Now. Something is up.”

 

Jonah stays silent and doesn't dare to make a single move, afraid that would give away his feelings and thoughts.

 

“And would you please look at me!”

 

It's the first time ever Jonah has heard Josh shout out in anger and frustration. He only knows his caring and soft side. This is a new Josh he doesn't know at all. Who scares him even.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing and start talking, Jonah. Please. I…” Josh sighs out deeply and drops his head. “I love you. But I don't want to be with you if you don't feel the same way. And I can feel that… that there is something you are not telling me.”  


There is a moment of silence during which Jonah is thinking about what to answer, what to tell Josh that will make him stop doubting Jonah's actions.

 

“You still haven't told me why you called that night.”, Josh begins, voice monotonous. “Tell me. I have a right to know. You can't stay silent forever.”

 

No answer.

 

“Was it because of Simon? Did he do something to anger you?”

 

No answer.

 

“I see. What did he do?”

 

Jonah shifts slightly, sitting up and bringing his knees to his chest, embracing them with his skinny arms.

 

“He betrayed me.”

 

“Did he cheat on you?”

 

“No. Not exactly.” Jonah lets out a deep breath. “I confided in him. I told him about my past life. I trusted him to keep it to himself. He promised me. Yet, in the end, he broke that promise.”

 

“When did that happen?”

 

“Back in March, when we first met.” Jonah pauses, creating an uncomfortable and icy silence. “I knew this would all fall apart. We are way too different to stay together. We come from different worlds. Him and me. This wouldn't have worked. I am too broken, and he is too fixed on his future, on his dream. He is too arrogant and selfish… He doesn't care about anything else!” His voice is angrier and louder than before. “I hate him for that! He couldn't even say that he loved me! Which only proves that he only kept me around to feel better! He's a fucking monster! A cruel, selfish, self-centered son of a bitch!”

 

“Jonah…”

 

“I'm not sorry to have left him! In fact, I am not sure that I love him that much! Or if I have ever loved him for that matter! Who needs a friend like that! Who betrays me, over and over again! Who calls me every name on the planet! Who blames me for not having a dream! Who treats me like a child! Who only lets me stay to wash himself clean from all the guilt! He only wanted to feel better! Sure, let's help that fucked up and broken boy! So that I don't have to feel bad for throwing him away later on! Fuck him!”

 

“Jonah, stop!”  


“NO!” Only now does Jonah look up, furious eyes staring at the blonde. “I know I've made the right choice. I never wanna see him again. Ever!”

 

“Jonah.”

 

“What?”, Jonah yells, not really wanting to hear what Josh has to say. He wants to end this discussion and live on. Without Simon. He did it once. He can do it again.

 

“Jonah, you do love him. And I bet if you went back right now, he would welcome you with open arms.”

 

“Fuck that, Josh! I am not going back!”

 

“Aren't you just looking for a reason to not be with him? Jonah, can't you see? You are the one running away! You have turned your back on Simon! You left him!”

 

Jonah's eyes widen in shock and he inhales sharply.

 

“I am not running!”, he finally forces out, a sudden sting in his chest making him grab his chest. “I am starting over! Without him! I don't need him to take care of him! I was perfectly fine without him!”

 

“Yes, because you had me.”, Josh answers calmly. “I took care of you.”

 

Jonah grits his teeth and gets up quickly.

 

“Just say it. If you don't want me, I can leave. I won't bother you.”

 

“Don't be stupid, Jonah. I love having you around. I care about you. But I get the feeling that every time somebody comes too close, or shows even the slightest sign of concern and affection you decide to run. You turn them down. Isn't that so?”

 

“What do you know about me, Josh?”, Jonah spits out. “We met up a few times over the last two and half years, and you think you know me?”

 

“Yes, I do actually.” Josh has gotten up and is standing right behind Jonah now. “I know the sad you, the depressed you, the broken you. But I also remember the way your eyes lit up every time you talked about Simon. Your time together as children. That time on the rooftop. And the day your heart got broken in two. The day Simon left. I know you, Jonah. Nobody is betraying you. Yet, you have decided to betray yourself. Your own feelings. You are running away. I'm gonna say it again. You are running away, Jonah, from the only person who really and truly cares about you.”

 

“I am not running from you.”, Jonah answers quietly. “I'm gonna stay, if you let me.”  


“I wasn't talking about myself.”

 

Jonah whirls around.

 

“You have built a wall around your heart, only letting me in because I was the only one around. But I am not the one who can tear it down. And you know it. I am not the hero in this story, Jonah.”

 

Jonah doesn't know what to answer, and even if he did, he can't speak a single word. He is a crying and sobbing mess. Josh's words hit home. Hard.

 

“See? I'm right.” Josh takes the crying boy into his arms and hugs him tightly. “I'm taking you back tomorrow.”

 

~***~

 

Tomorrow is too late. Jonah needs to do this now.

 

He tries to be very quiet when he wakes up in the middle of the night, getting out of the bed very carefully as to not wake up his sleeping friend. Yes, Josh is… was a friend. Who took care of him. Who helped him through rough times. Jonah felt obliged to stay with the taller and slightly older male, he owed him so much. He owed him his life, there was no way around it. Their caring and sometimes even loving relationship – whatever kind of relationship it was – was the reason that Jonah got attached to Josh. So much that he tricked himself into believing that he loved Josh.

 

However, this couldn't be farther away from the truth. Their talk today has somehow opened Jonah's eyes. He can see everything clearly now. He knows exactly what he has to do now. To feel better. To heal himself. He doesn't need anyone anymore. And it just can't wait until tomorrow.

 

After getting dressed, Jonah stands by the bed and watches Josh sleep. He really is a beautiful man, even when he's asleep there is a small smile playing around his lips which makes him appear even more angelic. A man out of this world. He deserves better. Someone who will love him back.

 

“Thank you, Josh. For everything.”, Jonah whispers as he places a soft goodbye-kiss on the other man's temple. He combs through the blonde hair one last time, enjoying the softness of it, before turning around and heading for the door. As he passes the small table in the hallway, he lays down the note he wrote earlier. He doesn't look back, this would be too painful. So, he simply opens the door and steps through.

 

The note doesn't explain a lot but it should give Josh a hint what Jonah is about to do next. He's going to end it all. The pain. The emotions. The negativity. The depression. The frustration. The rage. It's all going to end.

 

Tonight.


	21. Chapter 20 - Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Simon's on his way. Split-screen POV.

Dessert. Asphalt. Sand. Some hills in the distance, shimmering golden in the light provided by the sunset. They have been on the road for almost two hours now. Their destination: Las Vegas. Marty has taken the first shift of driving. Laser is sitting in the passenger seat. Simon himself is in the backseat. Jo is at home just in case the phone might ring or Jonah appeared miraculously in front of their door. Which probably is not going to happen.

 

Simon closes his eyes, lets his head fall back and takes a deep breath.

 

“It's gonna be fine, Simon.”, Laser suddenly says. “He'll be there. I am sure.”

 

“Yeah, it's a good thing you remembered the license plate.” Marty inhales and pauses. “It's all gonna be fine.”, he adds in a low voice, almost as if talking to himself. Surely, to calm himself down. They just have to believe that Jonah will be still in Las Vegas.

 

From what Marty could find out, Jonah and Josh have checked into the Cosmopolitan Hotel in Las Vegas. They booked the penthouse, which could mean that they planned on staying longer. This increased their chances of finding Jonah.

 

Eyes still closed, fingers clutching Jonah's sketchbook tightly, Simon drifts off into an uneasy sleep.

 

Jonah. Laughing at him. Smiling gently. Wrapped in an oversized gray hoodie. Light brown bangs falling into his eyes. Slim body. Skinny arms which stretch out toward him. Trying to touch him. Suddenly darkness. Another person appears. A tall blonde, green-eyed godlike figure. Standing behind Jonah. Slinging his arms around him possessively. Grinning devilishly. Mine. He's mine. Words ringing, echoing throughout the nothing Simon is standing in. Screaming. Shouting. Calling out Jonah's name. No use. Jonah is gone.

 

Simon wakes up with a jolt, beads of sweat covering his forehead. He immediately notices that the car isn't moving. He rubs his eyes and looks around. They are at a gas station. Laser is outside filling up the tank, Marty is nowhere to be seen. Maybe buying some snacks.

 

He would have gone by plane if that had been possible. Yet, there had been a storm somewhere and the plane that would have taken him to Las Vegas had been delayed. Taking these facts into consideration, it was faster to go by car. His mother wouldn't let him go at first, and tried talking him out of going after Jonah. The police should handle such things. The police? Who had dropped Jonah's case back then when he had gone missing? No way. Simon wanted to take Martyers in his own hands. He promised his mother to stay in touch, waited for Laser and Marty to arrive and took off.

 

Simon is startled when the driver's door opens and Laser gets in. Seconds later Marty gets inside the car as well and the car starts moving again. Marty turns around and hands Simon a bottle of coke.

 

“Here. Bought you something to drink.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The coolness of the bottle feels good in his hand, so that he presses it shortly to his forehead. Another deep held-in breath leaves his lungs. He looks down at the sketchbook resting in his lap. His fingers gently hover over the cover, trying not to touch it, imagining Jonah's soft skin instead. Simon opens the sketchbook and begins to look at the drawings once more time. He's sure that Jonah drew some of these pictures with Simon not watching or noticing. There's him sitting on the couch, playing with his Gameboy. Then there's also one of him reading a book. And another one of him sleeping. Simon blushes again.

 

He doesn't really deserve Jonah's attention and love.

 

“I've made a terrible mistake.”, he says out loud.

 

“What did you say?”, Marty asks and looks over his shoulder at Simon.

 

“I told Jonah… my ex… about Jonah's past. He used it against him. It's my fault he's left. I betrayed his trust.”

 

At this point Simon is more talking to himself than to the other two boys in the car. He's trying to explain his own actions. Judging them. Cursing himself. However, it all doesn't matter now. Jonah's gone. Hopefully not forever.

 

~***~

 

_Falling for Josh._

_Spending time with Josh. Meeting up with Josh. Sleeping with Josh. Being kissed by Josh._

_Falling for Josh._

_No._

_Simon._

_Sacramento. Parking log. Seeing Simon again. Their embrace. Everything forgotten. Rage gone. Frustration gone. Grudge gone. Happiness. Bliss. Joy. Love. Loving Simon even more. Holding on to him. Feeling his warmth. Feeling protected. Feeling safe._

Jonah closes his eyes and slides down in his seat. He stopped paying attention to the world outside of the bus a few hours ago. He wants to see Simon now. Closing his eyes has always worked.

 

_Simon taking care of him. Shopping with Simon. Laughing with Simon. Swimming with Simon. I want you. I need you. I'm here. I promise. Sweet kisses from Simon. Falling asleep right next to Simon. Brushing through his hair secretly. Thank you, Simon._

 

Jonah frowns and shifts slightly. No, no more memories. He can't take it anymore. All he needs now is rest.

 

~***~

 

“Are you sure it's the right hotel?”, Laser asks, a bit doubtful. “Does Josh actually have that much money to rent a penthouse – here?”

 

“Of course, I'm sure!”, Marty exclaims, sounding a bit offended. “I double checked when I did the research!”

 

It's an enormous building, shimmering in all kinds of colorful lights. To say it looks expensive would be an understatement. This hotel is made for people who don't care how much they spend for one night.

 

“This is the one.”, Simon answers quietly, already at the edge of his seat. He wants to get out of the car and take the elevator up to Jonah's room. He needs to see him. Even more now than he did a few hours earlier.

 

Simon has discovered another drawing of Jonah's during their ride here. It's on the last page. It shows Jonah, in the center of a circle. Blood is coming out of his cut open wrists. He is surrounded by dark figures. One of them is Luke, Simon is sure of that. Another one his father. Other persons he doesn't recognize. Faceless creatures with evil grins. It's just a feeling but Simon's not sure anymore if Jonah is only running away. Or if he is about to do something else.

 

“Stop right there, Laser.”, Simon orders. The car comes to a halt right in front of the entrance. “No need to search for a parking spot. Just drive around for a while, okay? If all goes well, this shouldn't take long. I'm gonna call you when I've found him. Pick us up then.”

 

“Sure thing. See you later. Good luck.”, Laser says, smiling comfortingly, and both boys drive away.

 

Simon dashes inside the hotel into the huge lobby. His eyes scan the room for the elevators and find them at the far back. He walks over there quickly, not running as to not draw attention to himself. The last thing he needs is a security guard following him and locking him away for inappropriate behavior or some other bullshit.

 

He hits the button and waits until the elevator door opens up to let him in.

 

“Penthouse.”, he says to the bellhop standing there.

 

As the elevator slowly moves upward, Simon can hardly stay still. He is fidgeting with his hands and shirt.

 

This will go well. He will arrive at the penthouse, knock out Josh, take Jonah into his arms, tell him how deeply sorry he is, and then he will kiss him. No. He will shower him with kisses. Not one spot in Jonah's body will be spared. He will tell Jonah how much he loves him. And that he has been a coward and a fucker for not telling him sooner. He will ask him to come with him. To leave his old life behind. And to start a new one with Simon. He will beg if he needs to. He will promise Jonah to protect him. To keep him safe. And to love him forever and always. No matter what happens. Come what may. They will be together.

 

Yes, this will happen.

 

~***~

 

It will happen tonight.

 

Tonight is where everything ends. The frustration. The fear. The anger. The depression. The grudge. Jonah's old life. Everything. It will end tonight.

 

It has taken him too long already to get here. He had to change the bus two times. His plan has been delayed. It's already nighttime. Josh has surely read his note by now. Yet, since Jonah has thrown away his phone, there was no way to contact him. Josh is not a part of the story anymore.

 

Jonah looks down at his feet.

 

One more step. Only one more step. And he will be safe forever. This will all be over.

 

~***~

 

Simon is not knocking at the door. He is hammering, shouting out Jonah's name. He doesn't care anymore. All he wants now is to take Jonah into his arms and never let go.

 

“Jonah! I know you're in there! Open up!”

 

A few more “knocks” later he can hear movement and the door actually opens. Yet, it's not mysterious blue eyes staring at him, but green ones.

 

“Yes?”, the taller man asks, looking down at Simon.

 

“Where is he! I know he's here!”, Simon shouts and storms past Josh into the penthouse. “Jonah!”

 

“He's not here.”, Josh answers calmly, having followed Simon into the living room. He's leaning against the door frame now, watching Simon closely.

 

“LIAR!”

 

“I'm not lying.” Josh takes something from a nearby drawer, a small piece of paper, and hands it to Simon. “Here. Read. That's all he has left.”

 

Simon rips the note away from Josh's hand and unfolds it.

 

_Josh,_

_Thank you for everything._

_But I know where I belong now._

_I know what I have to do to end it all._

_I will never forget you._

_Jonah._

 

End it all. End. It. All.

 

“No… He can't… When did he leave?”

 

“I'm not sure. It had to be last night. I already called the police, but they can't promise anything.”

 

“But… I… I wanted to tell him…”

 

“I'm sorry, Simon.”, Josh interrupts his ramblings and takes a few steps back again. “I know you loved him. And I know that he loved you. A lot.”

 

“But… maybe he's just running away again…”, Simon mutters silently, still in shock over the words he has just read. “I gotta call him.”

 

He takes out his phone and begins to dial.

 

“I already tried that. He doesn't answer.”

 

“Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you. But he will talk to me!”, Simon spits out, shooting Josh a furious look.

 

He actually doesn't need to be here anymore. Josh is not important anymore. His part of this story is over.  While pressing his phone to his ear, he walks past Josh, without so as much looking at him.

 

“I hope you find him.”, he hears Josh's voice behind him. “Alive.”

 

No. He's not gonna answer him. He needs to focus on stopping Jonah from doing something extremely stupid right now. A mistake. He needs to find him fast.

 

Simon rushes back to the elevators while still listening to it ringing, waiting for Jonah to pick up. He jumps when the sound changes.

 

“The person you have called is not available at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone.”

 

He hangs up and dials again. And again. And again. Until he's back in the lobby. Yet, Jonah has not picked up his phone. Simon exits the hotel building in need of some fresh air and scans the area. He walks a few feet, away from the hotel complex, heading for the main street. Where could Jonah have gone to? Or was he already lying in some bathroom at a pub or bar, with cut open wrists, blood flowing out of them?

 

“Jonah…Where are you?”

 

As more minutes go by the more frustrated and desperate he becomes. His eyes fill with angry tears. Sure he's angry. Angry with himself. With Josh. With the situation. I love you. Three simple words. These words could have made Jonah stay forever.

 

“Jonah…I'm sorry…”

 

His knees suddenly feel like jelly, he stumbles and almost falls to the ground. He is able to prop himself up on a small garden stone wall in front of another big hotel or casino where he sits down and tries to take deep breaths. He fails miserably. All that comes out are loud and uncontrolled sobs.

 

His phone starts vibrating in his hand. Probably Laser or Marty asking where he is. He looks down and sees Jo's name on the display. He picks up and holds the phone to his ear.

 

“Jo, I couldn't find him. I lost him.”, he starts, his voice breaking more than once. “He's not here.”

 

“I know.”, a silent and small voice answers which doesn't belong to Jo at all.

 

Simon's eyes widen in shock and he stops crying immediately.

 

“I'm here, Simon.”

 

“Jonah…”, Simon mutters in disbelief. “Where are you?”

 

“Home.”

 

Simon doesn't care about the people looking at him weirdly, shooting him confused glances. A grown-up boy, a tear-stricken face, crying his hear out, in the middle of Las Vegas.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes.” Slight pause. “Are you really in Vegas?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Short sentences. One-worded answers. That is all the two lovers seem to manage now.

 

Simon smiles softly, the flow of tears slowly stopping.

 

“I love you, Jonah.” No explanation. No excuses. Three simple words. That is all that's needed.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Simon rubs a hand over his face, a simile so big visible on his face that his cheeks start to hurt a bit.

 

“Jonah?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Were you running away again?”

 

“No.” Jonah's voice breaks as he tries to speak further. “I was running to you.”


End file.
